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Jada Pinkett-Smith Doesn’t Understand The Concept Of Divorce

by Michael Park

The murky swamp of celebrity gossip has been threatening to drown Jada Pinkett-Smith or, at the very least, feed her to a float of hungry crocodiles with an agenda against the Wachowski Brothers. After rumours emerged that her fame is almost completely linked to being Will Smith’s wife, Pinkett-Smith was under close scrutiny to prove [...]

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Tom Cruise Will Be Your Best Friend If You’re Nice About Valkyrie

by Stuart Heritage

Things aren’t looking so great for Tom Cruise’s big new comeback movie Valkyrie.

Apparently a big action film about a one-eyed Tom Cruise trying to batter Hitler to death with a suitcase isn’t all that. Who knew?

However, Tom Cruise isn’t going down without a fight. It’s been claimed that staff at a radio station were offered a free screening of Valkyrie – at Tom Cruise’s actual house – but only on the proviso that they all said that Valkyrie was a masterpiece, that Tom Cruise was a sexy virtuoso of acting and that Katie Holmes’ dungeon actually didn’t look that uncomfortable really.

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Early Reviews: Quantum Of Solace? Quantum Of Bum

by Stuart Heritage

New James Bond movie Quantum Of Solace faces an almost impossible task – could it be more well-received than Casino Royale?

It’s a tough job – because, as we all know, films don’t get any better than overlong Bourne rip-offs about a man who cries blood when he’s losing at cards – and it seems like it might have been too much of a tough job for Quantum Of Solace.

Early reviews for Quantum of Solace are starting to trickle in, and they’re all fairly scathing. But James Bond movies always tend to be a direct reaction against the previous one, so we can all relax. The follow-up to the emotionally bleak Quantum Of Solace – provisionally entitled Daniel Craig Punches A Laser-Shark In His Little Knickers – is sure to be a belter.

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Led Zeppelin Play A Concert Or Something

by Stuart Heritage

Last night at the O2 arena in London, something momentous happened – a bunch old men played some old songs and everyone wet themselves.

We’re talking about Led Zeppelin, of course – last night marked the long-awaited, obscenely-anticipated, ticket website-melting Led Zeppelin comeback at the O2. But even though the band is now made up of Michael Winner, a curly-haired toby jug, a bank manager and someone’s son, could Led Zeppelin match the hype? We’ve got a round-up of some of the best Led Zeppelin reviews from last night for you, saving you the trouble of wading through the foaming avalanche yourself.

Warning: the following article contains the phrase “Page dispensed powerchords like an aged Thor lobbing down thunderbolts for kicks.” Seriously.

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