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New Beavis And Butthead For All You Dumbasses

July 25th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur. Cool. Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh hehehehe hmngh hehehehehehe. ‘Rules. Hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur. Dumbass.

If you’re from the ’90s, then you’ll know that all articles concerning Beavis and Butthead must use the conjecture that they displayed in their excellent and often baffling MTV cartoon series.

This pair of slackers preceded the Jackass generation with a mixture of snotty rock, fondness for mindless destruction and laughing at stoopid shit. And now, they’re coming back to do it all over again.

Flogging The Dead Horse Of Bel-Air (Will Smith To Remake Fresh Prince?)

June 16th, 2011 By Kris Silver

The Fresh Prince of Bel Air was the platform that launched Will Smith?s career and introduced an entire generation to the high-top fade and the fashion miracle that is a blazer that's been turned inside out.

The show ended 15 years ago (and has subsequently been repeated more times than Friends) but one of the shows former stars, Tatyana Ali, who played Will?s cousin Ashley Banks, has confirmed that the original cast are in talks about doing a reunion.

We can't help but wonder which Aunt Viv they?ll bring back though.

Charlie Sheen May Be Going Back To Two And A Half Men Zzzzzzz

March 22nd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Does anyone remember Charlie Sheen? We’ve not heard much from him since he starred in Hot Shots Part Deux. Is he alright? He’s not getting up to mischief is he? Of course he is. He’s currently the world’s most successful berk.

When Sheeno is not punching furniture, hoovering up bad drugs up his rapidly eroding nose holes, frightening women to tears in wardrobes and making outlandish claims about winning, he’s been the star of the very, very ordinary Two and a Half Men.

He got the chop from that after he called his old boss some lame names and everyone stared at him, effectively waiting for him to die while sandwiched between to listless porn actresses who were playing along with Sheen and enjoying the fleeting fame. And now, as the world yawns at each snippet of devalued gossip, it appears Charlie may be making a return to the sitcom.

ER Tricks George Clooney Into Another Guest Spot

March 25th, 2009 By Shawn Lindseth

If you’re a fan of George Clooney and you miss the days when he used to cut people open so he could more accurately shift their innards around – have we got good news for you!

No, we’re not talking about every single girl he dated in the eighties and their wild accusations against him – if they exist at all. We’re talking about him making a bold return to ER – that Doogie Howser spin-off with an all grown-up cast.

You see, as we heard it he’s short on cash, and he became so right in the middle of a driveway repaving. That’s when ER execs swooped in with several individually wrapped dollar bills to impress him with.

Anthony Edwards Returns To ER To Thank Sole Remaining Viewer

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

ER, the hospital show that nobody watches any more, has produced some big stars in its time – you know who we’re talking about.

We’re talking about Mekhi Phifer, famous for his tiny bitpart in the Eminem movie 8 Mile. And Noah Wyle, who left ER and found fame as the lead in The Librarian: Quest for the Spear – the only film in history that nobody has ever even considered watching. Oh, and Anthony Edwards.

But although Anthony Edwards left ER six years ago when his character died of brain cancer, the good news is that he’s back! Anthony Edwards is making an impressive return to ER tonight to mark the final season of the show, in an episode we’ll presume is called Why Doesn’t George Clooney Return Our Calls Any More?

Julianne Hough Is Dancing With The Weeping Appendix Scars

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

OK, so it’s perfectly clear that Dancing With The Stars is a much more exciting proposition than Strictly Come Dancing.

On Strictly Come Dancing, what have we got? A middle-aged woman from a coffee advert and the woman off The One Show. But on Dancing With The Stars it’s a completely different matter. On Dancing With The Stars, people literally dance until their appendixes explode, and then they carry on dancing anyway.

That’s more or less what happened to Dancing With The Stars professional Julianne Hough, anyway – after being diagnosed with endometriosis last week, she’s having her appendectomy today and hopes to be back dancing within a week, a date that incidentally coincides with the debut of new ABC series Dancing With The Oh God My Stitches Are Coming Undone, Oh God, Oh Jesus No, My Guts Are Seeping Through My Dress. Stay tuned, kids.

Is Kim Kardashian Tottering Back Onto Dancing With The Stars?

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

When Kim Kardashian was voted off Dancing With The Stars last week, the message was clear – Kim, your sex tapes are OK, but your dancing is bum.

However, there’s a sliver of a chance that we haven’t seen the last of Kim Kardashian on Dancing With The Stars yet, and it’s all down to Misty May-Treanor‘s knackered Achilles tendon. Now that May-Treanor’s out of Dancing With The Stars, Kim Kardashian is said to be awaiting her callback.

And quite right – Kim’s already been voted off Dancing With The Stars once, so her inevitably swift second elimination will just reaffirm how little America cares for her. But if she got a third call-up after that we’d worry – we get the feeling that only a marching band playing a tune called Nobody Likes You Kim and a firework display in the shape of a frown would make Kim Karadashian understand how people feel about her.

Britney Spears Never Learns, Vol 14: A Return To The VMAs

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Last year’s MTV VMAs marked the precise moment when Britney Spears’ life went from ‘amusingly wonky’ to ‘toe-curling and nightmarish’.

People still talk about Britney’s VMA performance of Gimme More with the glazed tremble of a war survivor. The bikini, the drawn-on stomach, the stumbling, the dire miming – as well as effectively ending Britney Spears’ career for good it also caused up to 300 unwitting viewers to completely lose their eyesight.

Clearly, then, Britney Spears would be stupid to ever return to the MTV VMAs. Worse than stupid, in fact – Britney Spears would be showing such a profound lack of self-awareness that she should be encased in ice and sent around schools as a warning to future generations of the negative effects of celebrity.

So what might Britney Spears do at this year’s MTV VMAs? That’s right. Oh, don’t look so surprised.

New Beverly Hills 90210: Painfully Like Old Beverly Hills 90210

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

The new Beverly Hills 90210 started shooting this week, and we're so excited that we literally can't breathe – literally, it's quite uncomfortable.

Actually we're just pulling your leg. We're not excited at all. We're old enough to remember what Beverly Hills 90210 was like last time around – a pastel-shaded faux-aspirational thump through the lives of several guffawing non-entities who all thought they were at the exact centre of the universe because their chinos were quite expensive. It was dreadful.

But don't worry if you can't remember what the original Beverly Hills 90210 was like, because the new Beverly Hills 90210 looks set to be exactly the same. Even down to the cast members – as well as the inevitable role for Tori Spelling, Shannen Doherty is rumoured to appear as well. And maybe Jason Priestley, too, so long as he can get someone to cover his shifts holding up that Golf Sale sign.

Britney Spears Totally Back On How I Met Your Mother For Sure

April 29th, 2008 By Stuart Heritage

Mentally-wayward popstars appearing on desperately mediocre American sitcoms is a bit like buses, isn’t it.

You go years without seeing, say, Syd Barrett cameo on Home Improvement, and then suddenly Britney Spears decides to appear on How I Met Your Mother twice in quick succession, thus making her identical to a bus in that one unconvincing respect.

Yes, we know that we’ve hardly stopped yammering on about Britney Spears returning to How I Met Your Mother, but this time it’s official – a contract has been written and Britney Spears has either signed it or wiped a dirty finger along the bottom of it because she’s still not allowed near anything as sharp as a pen yet. Whichever one is true, the deal’s been done.