Articles tagged with: retrial
Phil Spector Murder Trial Redux: Injured Juror, Hold Your Horses
We've missed Phil Spector. Like many people we see him as the lesbian-haired wobbly old uncle who nobody trusts around women that we never had. And that's why we should all be greeting the retrial of Phil Spector over the alleged murder of Lana Clarkson like the celebration it is. For the next few months we get to go over all of Phil Spector's greatest hits - the funny hair, the driver who he apparently confessed the murder to, the endless scientific discussions about bullet trajectory, the funny hair. The funny hair. And that all starts right now. Well, OK, not right now. The second crack at the Phil Spector murder trial was set to begin yesterday, but it couldn't because a juror fell over in the car park and broke his foot, forcing a postponement. Remember that if Phil Spector is found guilty of murder he'll be given life in jail. So probably about a fortnight at this rate.
We've missed Phil Spector. Like many people we see him as the lesbian-haired wobbly old uncle who nobody trusts around women that we never had. And that's why we should all be greeting the retrial of Phil Spector over the alleged murder of Lana Clarkson like the celebration it is. For the next few months we get to go over all of Phil Spector's greatest hits - the funny hair, the driver who he apparently confessed the murder to, the endless scientific discussions about bullet trajectory, the funny hair. The funny hair. And that all starts right now. Well, OK, not right now. The second crack at the Phil Spector murder trial was set to begin yesterday, but it couldn't because a juror fell over in the car park and broke his foot, forcing a postponement. Remember that if Phil Spector is found guilty of murder he'll be given life in jail. So probably about a fortnight at this rate.
Britney Spears Trial Dies Of Boredom
We'd just like to take this opportunity to apologise to anyone who'd emotionally invested in the Britney Spears hit and run trial. If this is the case we'd like to make a two-part apology. 1) We're sorry you're an idiot and 2) you've obviously wasted your time, because not even anyone involved in the Britney Spears hit and run trial had any emotional investment in the Britney Spears hit and run trial. Yesterday, after the jurors took twice as long as the length of the trial itself to decide that they didn't know if Britney Spears was guilty of hit and run or not, the judge officially called a mistrial. What's more, nobody can be bothered to go through a retrial, so Britney Spears is in the clear. Don't get us wrong - everyone wanted a retrial, but they had more urgent things to do, like repeatedly bashing their head on a desk and weeping.
We'd just like to take this opportunity to apologise to anyone who'd emotionally invested in the Britney Spears hit and run trial. If this is the case we'd like to make a two-part apology. 1) We're sorry you're an idiot and 2) you've obviously wasted your time, because not even anyone involved in the Britney Spears hit and run trial had any emotional investment in the Britney Spears hit and run trial. Yesterday, after the jurors took twice as long as the length of the trial itself to decide that they didn't know if Britney Spears was guilty of hit and run or not, the judge officially called a mistrial. What's more, nobody can be bothered to go through a retrial, so Britney Spears is in the clear. Don't get us wrong - everyone wanted a retrial, but they had more urgent things to do, like repeatedly bashing their head on a desk and weeping.
