Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
When 50 Cent released an album called ‘Get Rich Or Die Tryin”, no-one really suspected that what he actually meant was, at some point, he’d get so bored of being a rapper that he’d just give up living.
We’re not talking about suicide here, rather, just the complete lack of will to stay alive. He’s got rich, now he’s not bothered about breathing anymore.
And 2012 has seen Fiddy talking about just that. He just wants to stop everything. He’s had enough.
When people have good news to announce, they are usually bubbling with excitement and oozing with joy to share the information with others. Of course, we felt a little bit giddy when friend of the family and idol to a few hundred people rang us up. Using these exact words, 50 Cent or ?centy? as we call him said.
?Yippity yo yo yo you fly party gangsters. Just wanna hit you guys up and let you know I got some shit-hot information for ya?ll to download in your tiny mind. Later, peace out?.
Actually, that is a bit of a lie, we didn't speak to 50 Cent. However, when we found out that he did have something to announce, our hearts did leap in to our mouths. Would he raise the bar and be one of the first rappers who pump out generic rap guff to call it a day and retire to one of his 482 mansions with all his ho?s? Sadly for us, he announced the exact opposite.
Team Aniston, it’s time to get the bunting out; your girl has won – Angelina Jolie has decided to retire from acting.
True, Angelina Jolie may have only hinted at an eventual retirement some time in the future, and only because fame no longer provides the same spiritual nourishment as raising a family or being committed to charitable work. Nevertheless, the message is clear – Angelina Jolie is quitting acting because Jennifer Aniston called her uncool this week.
Great, that’s just what we need – a power-crazed Jennifer Aniston. Now that she knows what can happen when she deploys the word ‘uncool’, we doubt very much that she’ll stop at Angelina Jolie. All we’ll say is this – don’t be surprised if Vince Vaughn suddenly decides to retire from acting as well or if, you know, Brad Pitt develops a horrible wasting disease on his penis. Or something.
During the propaganda videos issued to promote Live Aid 2: Twenty Years On From The First One, we were presented with lots of images with Bono. This imagery was extremely powerful.
Starring himself and a whole host of people who appeared solely to boost their ‘caring profile’, Bono told us that ‘every time I and my mates click their fingers, an African child will die’. There was, of course, a simple solution to this: stop bloody doing it – don’t abuse your weird powers.
Aside from his world-saving duties, Bono likes to occasionally rock out with a little known Irish band called U2. Though named after some awful text speak, critics are saying the band could someday be big, if Bono himself were to shut up telling everyone off all the time and dictating to us, the lowly public, what we should do in life to save the universe.
Thankfully some people want to stop Bono bleating on and have launched a petition to stop him. We’re not sure how they intend to stop him, but hopefully it won’t be by freezing him. This would, of course, leave the possibility open for him to be thawed out in 3000 years. Imagine the unfortunate luck for the poor sods then. And would Bono be able to operate a flying car?
