That’s right, Raymond Blanc is returning to judge nine couples who think that they can run an eatery because they once threw a successful dinner party so they can join him in restaurant running Disneyland. However this time Raymond says, “This year will be survival of the fittest. I am not looking for dreamers, I want to see couples with fresh ideas and a partnership that will flourish under pressure.” He says that every time, though, doesn’t he?

Helping Raymond put some emphasis onto the current economic bonanza we’re enjoying will be expert advisers Sarah Willingham and David Moore. It will be interesting to see if they inexplicably keep in the worst couple till the final again.

As far as we know, last year’s winners Michele and Russell who ran ‘The Cheerful Soul’ haven’t actually got their own restaurant yet despite winning the competition in October last year. But hey, who’s counting?

Applications are being accepted up until 31^st March, so get applying.

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Not only did 18-year-old Lindsey Evans snatch the title of Miss Teen Louisiana USA from under our noses – we knew we should have shaved our bum for the swimsuit round! – but she’s also gone and squandered it by allegedly running away from a restaurant without paying, and getting dethroned as Miss Teen Louisiana USA as a result.

It’s a shocking development. After all, everyone knows that beauty queens only get dethroned when they act like gigantic sluts and take naked pretend-lesbian photos of themselves for the internet. True, police did find a small bag of marijuana in Lindsey Evans’ possession, but that hardly makes up for anything. What we’re basically saying is that Lindsey Evans should be more of a slutty lesbian. And possibly invest in a dildo.

There’s never been a worse time to be a beauty queen. The economic downturn has bred widespread public resentment bordering on violent towards anyone whose sole job involves literally wearing a crown all the time and waving condescendingly at poor people, but that’s not all.

No, also the internet and the general atrophying of western civilisation means it’s getting easier and easier to catch the beauty queens out. Take Tara Conner, for example, the Miss USA who couldn’t stop drunkenly shagging piles of drugs or something. Or Katie Rees, the former Miss Nevada USA who took photos of herself biting a girl’s nipple and then allegedly kicked a policeman.

And now we can add Miss Teen Louisiana USA Lindsey Evans to that list of outlawed beauty queens. Lindsey Evans’ alleged crime is perhaps the worst of all – she ran out of a restaurant without paying. A really fancy restaurant, too, because between her and three other friends the bill came to a whopping $46. The New York Post reports:

A Bayou beauty queen and her pals skipped out on a bill, but the reigning Miss Teen Louisiana USA left her purse – and a baggie of pot – behind, police said yesterday… Jennifer Martin, 22, who was among the busted bad girls, said Evans actually left cash for her share of the bill and the other three were ready to pay with debit cards. “The service was so slow, we just said, ’screw it’ and left,” Martin told The Post tonight.

It’s too late for excuses – that mixture of soft drug possession and food-based tomfoolery has caused the Miss Teen Louisiana bigwigs to intervene and dethrone Lindsey Evans for good.

This news has completely knocked us for six. After all, this is a young woman who won a title based solely on how closely her genes arbitrarily happened to adhere to an outmoded set of patriarchal values we’re talking about here! We thought those girls were supposed to be smart!

But, hey, let’s take whatever positive we can get from this. True, Lindsey Evans might have lost her Miss Teen Louisiana USA title, but it’s taught us a valuable lesson. If Lindsey Evans is the prettiest girl in Louisiana, and Lindsey Evans looks like a papier mache sculpture of an albino Wednesday Addams, then we’re probably not going to bother looking for a wife in Louisiana.

Not content with taking the world of music by storm, the world of blogging by monsoon, the world of being cool by tsunami and the world of producing by… drizzle… Kanye West is now moving on to the world of making people fat by feeding them fried patties of ground up cow-knees.

Not personally, of course – that would be surreal.

No, Kanye is merely opening ten Fatburger fast food joints around Chicago, rather than actually serving all who walk through their doors with his priceless smile and boundless arrogance. And a burger.

West’s company, KW Foods LLC, have picked up the rights to build the stores around the Chitown area, thus infecting countless local residents with great big wodges of fat to force down their gullets. A sound business move, we’re sure.

But why, aside from wanting to kill lots of people by making them fat, would Kanye West want to open ten fast food ‘restaurants’ (using the term as loosely as possible)?

Maybe it’s to get away from his music career and down to a more homely, normal job than he’s been used to over the last few years? At least working in a burger joint he wouldn’t be all that bothered were he to turn up to work eight hours late.

In fact, he’d just get sacked for that.

Yes – that’s clearly it. He’s tired of being in the limelight, tired of all the attention, all the ego boosts and all the times he pretends to be Jesus – Kanye West must certainly, definitely and absolutely be edging towards a career flipping burgers. Maybe.

After the success of Kanye’s The New Workout Plan it could be said that maybe he’s something of a hypocrite, opening stores that will sell fatty foods. But then, that song wasn’t a call to arms trying to make the world a thinner place, unfortunately, it was something of a piss take, meaning we’re stuck on that one.

Though it didn’t always work for him.

Nevertheless, Kanye’s quest to make people in Chicago (and some in Los Angeles) eat what is likely to be fried up floor scrapings will begin in September, when the first of his stores opens, adding to the 90+ Fatburger foodatoriums already spread around the US.

It is as of yet unconfirmed whether Kanye will be performing Evel Knievel-style stunts at the opening of the first store, though this time he’s far less likely to be sued for it. For not only did they end up being best buds forever, but Evel is also dead, meaning he probably doesn’t care too much about suing people any more.

We await Kanye West’s Fatburger theme-o-rap with bated breath – one rhyme for the store’s name we can suggest: ‘twatmurder’. But hecklerspray has exclusive copyright on that now, so unluck-o.

And the problem is getting so bad that Donald Trump is even getting angry about stuff that's actually quite nice. For example, a Santa Monica restaurant has been claiming that Donald Trump swanned in on Monday, gobbled down $80 of food and then left a $10,000 tip. Nothing wrong with that you might think, it makes Donald Trump look like a kindly old man instead of a bellowing overbearing caricature for once, but Donald Trump has responded to the story with such moronic anger that you'd have thought that Rosie O'Donnell was the head chef.

If someone made up a story about leaving a $10,000 tip for an $80 meal, we'd secretly be quite pleased – not least because it'd temporarily mask the fact that we actually tip on a complicated food-payment system whereby we divide each item of food we order into 100 pieces, scrape 15 of those pieces into an envelope and then squelch it into the waitress' hand at the end along with our hearty thanks – but Donald Trump has other ideas.

This week it was rumoured that Donald Trump went for a meal at the Buffalo Club in Santa Monica and spent $82.27 on a meal. We're guessing that half the food was for Donald Trump and the other half was for his haircut, which can currently be seen playing Nicole Kidman's monkey-daemon in The Golden Compass, but that's beside the point.

The story goes that, when it came to payment, Donald Trump asked the waiter what the biggest tip he ever had was. On hearing that Jerry Bruckheimer one tipped $500 on a $1,000 bill, Donald Trump decided to top it by paying him $10,000 – the sort of tip usually reserved for those special restaurants where, instead of eating, you get to sleep with a mid-range whore.

Anyway, didn't happen. Donald Trump didn't tip the waiter $10,000. Donald Trump didn't tip the waiter at all. That's because Donald Trump wasn't even in the restaurant. Or the state that the restaurant was in. In typically understated fashion, Donald Trump has explained that the whole story must have been a misunderstanding:

“This was done by the stupid restaurant to get publicity. It's not my signature.” 

Of course it isn't true – why on earth would Donald Trump want to blow $10,000 on a tip? Haven't these people ever seen The Apprentice? Because if they had, they'd know that Donald Trump only likes to give his money to those who have earnt it. And since the waiter didn't have to paint a dirty great mural on the side of a building to advertise a PlayStation game before he got the tip, we can assume that he didn't get the tip at all. And, really, $10,000 is the cost of a solid-ruby washer for Donald Trump's solid-ruby microwave oven. Why would you give money to a man if you can spend it on a solid-ruby washer for a solid-ruby microwave oven? Idiots.

We have to admit, though, that we're a little bit sad to learn that the tip story isn't true. Mainly because it would have ensured that Donald Trump wouldn't have been able to tip anyone less than $10,000 ever again for fear of being called a stingy git. And that's quite a nice thought.

Read more:   

Trump: Not That Tip-Top A Tipper - TMZ