Right now the Wolverine crew are in Canada, probably either filming an explosion or a close-up of Hugh Jackman’s anguished face.

Or something. The truth is, we don’t know. But just because Wolverine is still filming weeks after the shoot was due to be completed, it doesn’t mean that the movie’s a sack of balls. Honest. Hugh Jackman wants everyone to know that it’s just unfinished.

Which, you know, is great for Hugh Jackman, but rubbish for us. We were hoping that it meant Wolverine star will.i.am would be recast with someone more convincing, like Dr Harold Shipman or some broccoli.

Hugh Jackman has got a lot riding on the new Wolverine movie. As well as starring in it and producing it, Hugh is well aware that he needs it to be a great big bloody hit. Because, sure, he’s the Oscars host and the sexiest man alive, but what with Australia tanking and Deception tanking and Flushed Away tanking and The Fountain tanking and Scoop tanking, all Hugh Jackman is running on at the moment is a winning smile and a slightly startling willingness to prance around in skintight golden trousers.

So Wolverine needs to be a hit. And we have to admit it’s certainly shaping up to be one – not least because the first Wolverine trailer was so full of eye-popping explosions that we’re pretty sure we can pin global warming solely on its shoulders.

However, just recently we started to get the hunch that Wolverine would be a big fat turd of a movie, thanks to reports that everyone was shipping up to Canada to do a load of reshoots. Why this was, nobody knew – it could have been that the implied post-Carnapian subtext of the movie was slightly drowned out by the lengthy prelude to the movie featuring nothing but Hugh Jackman reading On the Fourfold Root of the Principle of Sufficient Reason by Arthur Schopenhauer in its entirety from the top of a volcano, or it could have been because the story, direction, acting and effects were complete arsebiscuits from beginning to end. Nobody knew.

But it turns out that, in reality, nobody is reshooting Wolverine – they’re just finishing it. In reality, the Wolverine crew had always planned to reconvene in Canada now because of Hugh Jackman’s commitment to escort Nicole Kidman around the world on that weird Aborigine-offending press tour of hers. It’s true – Hugh Jackman even wrote an email to Ain’t It Cool to explain himself:

I wanted to reach out and let you know that due to scheduling conflicts with certain cast members and location/weather considerations, we had to wait until now to shoot a couple of scenes. Please rest assured that WOLVERINE will be badass and hopefully meet all of your expectations. I am stoked by the positive response to the teaser, which clearly reflects the tone and scope of the film. If you like that, we’ve got much more in store!

See? Nothing’s wrong with Wolverine at all. You have no reason to relax – it’s going to be as good as any fourth movie based around the same character that features one of the Black Eyed Peas as a principle castmember and a man whose special power involves throwing some playing cards really, really hard deserves to be. You lucky people.

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!