republican - HecklerSpray

U.S. Election 2012: Celebrities Decide Who’s the Boss

November 5th, 2012 By Chris Starr

We’re just mere hours away from the most important day in the United States of America: election day. And of course, there have been screeds – miles of newspaper reports – written about the economic, social, war and foreign policies of the two presidential candidates.

But nowadays no-one gives a shit about that. We’re a celebrity-driven culture. You’re reading HecklerSpray. You want to know who to? vote for not on the basis of the candidates’ positions, but on their celebrity endorsers. Who’s endosring Barack Obama, and who’s for Mitt Romney? Think of it like Celebrity Deathmatch: Politics Edition.

Roots Play Song For Michele Bachmann Which Isn’t Exactly Complimentary, But Very, Very Funny

November 23rd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

People who believe in politics are idiots. Or, if you prefer, ‘politicians’. Every single person in politics deserves to be treated with absolute contempt, regardless of what side of the fence they sit on.

And Michele Bachmann is no exception.

This is something The Roots felt when they struck up the band on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon show, of which Bachmann was a guest. They played her a song which wasn’t exactly kind to her, but seeing as she’s sub-human, we really don’t need to worry about that. Of course, there’s a video of said song over the jump.

Pop Promos: Nickelback Are Back, Face-Genitalia & Being Genitalia

August 7th, 2012 By Lauren Mullineaux

we're famous, well-respected bloggers now which means this column is able to be even more irregular and lax than it is at current and you will still have to read it while nodding in agreement with our award-winning opinions on everything from Tulisa?s dental trauma to the death of Berlusconi?s third album of love ballads. How d’you like them apples?

Don’t answer that.

Yes you heard right Berlusconi isn't just a laughing stock in political and sexual circles, but in the music business too as his latest album is set never to be released. Our ears sagged as we heard the news that due to his stubborn loyalty to attempt to save the world's poor (by keeping the whores and human traffickers in business), everyone's favourite Italian stallion is not allowed to unleash his musical vision.

Kelsey Grammer Possibly Realising That People Like Frasier More Than Him

October 19th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Kelsey Grammer is a magnificently dislikeable human being. Away from his fine role of Frasier, he supports some real crackpot ideas. He thought George Dubya was a cool guy for a kick-off. Of course, this means he’s nothing like his most famous televisual role.

And it seems that us plebians aren’t the only people who wish he was more like Frasier.

On Piers Morgan’s chatshow (another dolt with a face like a doleful yam), he asked Grammer whether he thought his ex-wife, Camille, married him because he was a TV icon. Kelsey replied: “no, I think she married me because I was Frasier.” He really doesn’t know what to do with those toss salad and scrambled eggs.

Tom Petty Spits In The Eye Of Republican Presidential Candidate Michele Bachmann

June 29th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Will politicians ever learn? Regardless of what that statement is in relation to, it seems the answer will always be ‘no’. However, one thing they should get through their heads – especially those on the right – is that musicians don’t like it when they use their music.

See, rock ‘n’ roll stars tend to have a lot of friends who right-wingers don’t like. We’re talking about gay people and people who aren’t white here.

And of course, while not every right-wing leaner is a racist or homophobe, sadly, they’re aligned with people who are or, at the very least, really sound like it. And so, when Tom Petty discovered that US presidential candidate Michele Bachmann was using one of his songs, he got into a strop.

Badvertising: A Situation Situated Between Bristol Palin And The Situation

August 7th, 2012 By Kris Silver

Poor old Bristol Palin, she's got a shotgun wielding nutcase of a mother, had a child with a man who has neck so red that it can't be seen by the naked eye and, unbelievably, she failed to win some shoddy yank spin-off of Strictly Come Dancing.

In what can only be seen as an attempt to desperately claw back some semblance of dignity, dear sweet Brizzle has appeared in a Public Service Announcement for safe sex, alongside none other than Mike, ?The Situation,? Sorrentino.

Yes, you did read that correctly, Bristol Palin is promoting safe sex with a man who is named after his own abdomen.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck Rocks The Screechy Idiot Vote For Palin

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

At this point, it’s fair to say that we’d let a robot dinosaur Hitler win the election if it meant it could all be finished today.

Because, honestly, we know that it’s an important election and all, but it’s turned everyone into stupid screeching partisan bellends. And Exhibit A would be this – at a Sarah Palin rally in Florida yesterday, people not only let Elisabeth Hasselbeck from The View screech on witlessly about politics for 10 entire minutes, but they also actually clapped her at the end.

It just goes to show how much trouble the Republican campaign is in – it’s clear they just let Elisabeth Hasselbeck shriek her worldview to a crowd so that Sarah Palin would look marginally more intelligent in comparison. Let’s hope it worked, because it’s literally impossible to pander to the lowest common denominator any more than that. Well, unless someone gives Jessica Simpson a call, but who’d want that?

Paris Hilton Makes a New Video. One That Doesn’t Involve Sex.

March 24th, 2009 By Ian Dransfield

Okay, so maybe we’re just reacting to Paris Hilton’s new advert as many of our readers react to the sarcasm on these pages – by taking things at face value.

But it would appear that Paris Hilton is indeed running for the presidency of the United States of America. In a video statement released to political hardline site Funny or Die, Hilton responded to the recent campaign ad from John McCain and the Republican party with her own brand of politics.

In the original ad, Paris was likened to Democratic Senator Barack Obama – popular, but ultimately vacuous and easily forgotten (or maybe it was the other way round). It would seem that young miss Hilton didn’t take too kindly to these words and has launched something of a war on the Republican Party, vowing to bring them down if it’s the last thing she does.

Okay, so maybe we’re going a bit overboard – even told a couple of porkie pies. She isn’t trying to bring down the Republican Party. She isn’t actually running for presidency. And Funny or Die isn’t technically a political hardline site.

But she has been involved in a video response, so it’s not all bad news laced with lies.

Barack Obama is a Hybrid of Britney Spears and Paris Hilton, Apparently

March 24th, 2009 By Ian Dransfield

The race for US presidency isn’t something we’re likely to cover very much on these pages – it’s too divisive even for us. Plus we’re British-based, so we’re legally not allowed an opinion.

Non-partisan as hecklerspray may be though (you vote for who you actually want to vote for), we can’t help but feel something of an affinity with Barack Obama after his presidential rival John McCain compared the Democrat to both Britney Spears and Paris Hilton.

That’s the kind of politician we could get on board with!

US Election Betting Odds: Winning Party

March 25th, 2009 By C J Davies

You there! Fancy a ‘flutter’, do you?

Let’s face it – even if you ascribe to Bill Hicks’ philosophy that American politics is basically choosing which puppet can give the best impression of your beliefs (something Britain seems to have emulated too), then you might as well make a bit of cash out of this whole upcoming election shebang.

So we’re all doomed to Armageddon no matter who gets into office? Who cares? You’ve got a tenner that’s burning a hole in yer pocket, and you’ll be damned if you’re not going to do something election-based with it, right here, right now.

Let’s kick things off with the big boy, then: the betting odds for which party is going to win the 2008 US Presidential Election, as mapped out by those lovely people over at Paddy Power.