Patrick Swayze Wants You All To Know That He Isn’t Dead Yet The fact that Patrick Swayze is still around nine months after he was apparently given five weeks to live is clearly impressive. What's more impressive is that Patrick Swayze has got his pancreatic cancer on the run. He's responding well enough to the treatment that he's even made his own, admittedly quite rubbish-looking TV show. So Patrick Swayze doesn't seem like he's on death's door. And if you think he is, keep it to yourself, because Patrick Swayze is so furious about it that it's all he can do not to get all penultimate scene of Ghost on your arse.

Pete Wentz: Look, I Haven’t Knocked Ashlee Simpson Up, OK? Pete Wentz wants the whole world to know he definitely hasn't got Ashlee Simpson pregnant, and he wouldn't even know how to if she asked him. Alright, not exactly that, but Ashlee Simpson definitely isn't pregnant, and Pete Wentz has lashed out at the media for saying she is by calling it a 'witch hunt' - which seems more like a cruel jibe at the expense of Ashlee Simpson's nose than a clever comment about celebrity culture, really. But anyway, the point is that Ashlee Simpson isn't pregnant and Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson didn't just get engaged because he knocked her up accidentally. Which means that Pete Wentz must be marrying Ashlee Simpson for something other than a sense of misplaced guilt. Weird.