Forget bloating stomachs and tender boobies – the only way we'll ever know if Angelina Jolie is pregnant with twins or not is if reporters start getting arrested near her house.

What's that? A reporter has been arrested near Angelina Jolie's house? Then the prophesies are true – Angelina Jolie is going to be a mother again!

Either that or she and Brad Pitt just enjoy trying to lock up anyone who tries to get too close to them for free. But, screw it, let's just go with the pregnancy thing.

It's been a few days since we first reported that Angelina Jolie is pregnant with twins, but there's been nothing like an official confirmation from either Angelina or Brad Pitt about it yet. This could be, reports suggest, because Angelina Jolie is planning to roll out the old 'address the state of my gut to the highest bidder' ruse that she's so fond of. But Angelina Jolie had better hurry up, because the tell-tale signs are already there.

For example, did you see what Angelina Jolie wore to the Screen Actors Guild awards at the weekend? It looked like she'd travelled back in time 35 years, ripped the first pair of manky curtains she could find off their rails and fashioned it around her like some sort of bad-patterned, poo-coloured full-body sarong. But maybe that was just a strange wardrobe choice and nothing more – is says nothing about how pregnant Angelina Jolie really is.

Then there was the fact that Angelina Jolie only sipped water during the awards, when we all know that the proper awards show etiquette involves getting shitfaced and screaming insults at pretentious directors. But, once again, that's hardly an official confirmation.

No – what we really need is something concrete. Something like a reporter getting arrested for getting too close to Angelina's house. Only then can we know that Angelina Jolie is truly pregnant with twins.

Wait a minute? What's this that The Press Association is reporting? It can't be… it is: 

A 25-year-old man has been arrested at the Los Angeles home of Brad Pitt. A housekeeper called police after she saw a silver car blocking the actor's driveway. She told police the man, who described himself as a freelance reporter, got out of the car and asked "Which one is Brad Pitt's house?" Neither Pitt nor Angelina Jolie was home at the time. The man, identified as Eric Ray Mitchell, was taken into custody on a "private person's arrest" and it will be up to the housekeeper to decide whether or not to press charges, according to police.

Then it's true! We all know how paranoid Angelina Jolie gets when she's with child – whether she's getting photographers thrown in jail for getting too near her in Africa, or getting them arrested for hiding in illegal bushes near her childrens' school or calling the secret service because someone's pinched her brother's camera.

And now this. It definitely means that Angelina Jolie is absolutely 100% pregnant. Completely pregnant. With twins. Because, to reiterate, Angelina Jolie is only mean to members of the press when she's got a bun in the oven.

Or when she's painted her face black and pretending to be pregnant and the press are just begging to be choked by a burly security guard. So we'll need to know exactly how racially offensive Angelina Jolie's make-up was at the time of the arrest before we leap to any conclusions.

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'Reporter' arrested at Pitt's home – The Press Association 

To have a successful TV talk show you tend to need a niche – Oprah has her self-help, Jerry Springer has his confrontations and Maury has his berserkoid ADD DNA tests – but none of them angrily blow up teenage girls.

That's where Montel Williams steps in, though. Although Montel Williams has plenty of his own niches already – like being the only highly-decorated military talk show host, and the only occasionally-suicidal multiple sclerosis-suffering talk show host – he's now also the only talk show host who, when asked interview questions he doesn't like by teenage newspaper interns, screams "I'm a big star, and I can look you up, find where you live and blow you up!" at them, before realising he's made a bit of a fool out of himself and apologising, which he's just done. But at least it's a step up from Montel Williams' other niche – being the talk show host who looks most like Ming The Merciless.

2007 hasn't exactly been a golden year for the daytime television talk show. In Britain a judge likened The Jeremy Kyle Show to 'human bear baiting', while elsewhere Oprah Winfrey managed to successfully open a child abuse factory masquerading as a school for clever girls. And, whisper it, there's a chance that Jerry Springer might be the teensiest bit staged.

But Montel Williams has managed to keep his head above all the dirt by continuing to go about his business as usual; rescuing teen prostitutes, offering reasoned discussion about the emotional impact of being transgendered, violently threatening to blow up teenage newspaper interns just for asking him questions he didn't like the sound of, that sort of thing.

The last one of these happened in Savannah on Friday, when Montel Williams was promoting free prescriptions for the poor. However, Montel terminated an interview with Courtney Scott, a high school intern at the Savannah Morning News, after she innocently asked him if restricted profits would stop pharmaceutical companies from investing so heavily in research and development costs. At the time, Montel responded to question with this:

“I'm here as a patient advocate talking about the fact that medications available today are saving people's lives, that's what's saving mine and after that, this interview is done."

And then, later on, Montel Williams and Courtney Scott managed to bump into each other again at a hotel. Although Scott was there on an unrelated assignment, Montel thought she was trailing him, and got a little bit angry with her, her crew and pretty much the entire universe in general. According to a web content producer for the newspaper who was accompanying Courtney:

“As we were preparing to film, Montel walked up with his bodyguard and got in Courtney Scott's face pointing his finger telling her ‘Don't look at me like that. Do you know who I am? I'm a big star, and I can look you up, find where you live and blow you up’. At this time he was randomly pointing at all of us.”

Such was the ferocity of Montel Williams' outburst that Courtney Scott later filed a police complaint about it. But at least Montel Williams now admits that he did wrong – not just for threatening to explode a teenage girl but also for making the factually-incorrect mistake of calling himself a big star, when really it's only the elderly and unemployed who know who is is with any degree of certainty. Montel has now put out a statement apologising for the incident:

“I mistakenly thought the reporter and photographer in question were at the hotel to confront me about some earlier comments. I was wrong, and I apologise for my overreaction.”

Not only that, but Montel has also invited Courtney Scott and her family onto his show to apologise to her publicly, as part of a special entitled I've Learned That Screaming Angry Terrorist-Style Threats About Blowing Up Teenage Girls Is Wrong. And, if the negative publicity persists after that, Montel Williams will check into a rehab facility for men who want to explode young girls and then apologise directly to Al Sharpton, just because he figured that's what everyone else does in this sort of situation.

Read more:

Montel Threatens To 'Blow Up' Teen Reporter – MSNBC