Articles tagged with: report
We already have plenty of things to blame Sarah Jessica Parker for - transvestites who only speak in puns to name one - but that's not enough for her. No, now Sarah Jessica Parker has been named as the reason why there are so many pregnant teenagers running around. She hasn't been impregnating the teens directly - although we wouldn't put it past her, the shifty-faced git - but she has been putting the idea into their heads. Probably. A new report has shown that teenage girls are more than twice as likely to get pregnant if they watch a lot of TV shows that contain sexual content. We can see that the report has a point - as teenagers we watched a lot of All Creatures Great And Small, and to this day we can't even look at a cow without running over and ramming a fist up its bottom until a baby cow comes out.
Of all the bad news we've ever heard, this is a kind of brand-new soul-rapingly terrible type of news - Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant again. Or at least Jamie Lynn Spears might be pregnant again. Just four short months after giving birth to her first baby, 17-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears is reportedly eight weeks up the duff with her second baby. And, if the reports are true, Jamie Lynn Spears reacted the same way any proud mother would if they discovered that they were bringing new life into the world - by "crying her eyes out." This is, it's claimed, because Jamie Lynn Spears thought that it was impossible to get pregnant while you're breastfeeding. And if that's the case, the message is clear - stay in church, kids. It certainly worked for Jamie Lynn.
So it's official - an accidental overdose of sleeping pills, anti-anxiety medication, painkillers and other prescription drugs killed Heath Ledger.
The New York City medical examiner has declared that Heath Ledger died from “acute intoxication by the combined effects of oxycodone, hydrocodone, diazepam, temazepam, alprazolam and doxylamine,” in a report that's just been released.
As sad as this news is, we should focus on the positives - not only can Heath Ledger's family continue with their lives knowing that at least it wasn't suicide, but Heath Ledger looks set for pub quiz immortality by being the answer to the question "Which celebrity cause of death would get you the highest score in a game of Scrabble?"
It seemed so simple at first - Donda West died because her surgeon Dr Jan Adams was a drunken maniac who couldn't tell the difference between a scalpel and a banana.
Only it turns out that's not the case at all. The final coroner's report into the untimely death of Donda West - mother of Kanye - has failed to determine a conclusive manner of death, although surgical misadventure has been ruled out.
Great - we can buy Jan Adams' book Everything Women Of Colour Should Know About Cosmetic Surgery in good faith again. It's about time because, as women of colour ourselves, there's just so much we want to know.
If you want the police to go easy on you after you've been arrested for driving a car drunk, perhaps you should try screaming a hate-filled rant about how rubbish Jewish people are, because it worked for Mel Gibson.
The Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department yesterday released its report into the DUI arrest of Mel Gibson last year, and it turns out that Mel got plenty of special treatment from the police. Apparently police attempted to hide aspects of Mel Gibson's arrest from the public, didn't sign all the necessary paperwork and even gave him a lift back to his car after he was released. Worst of all, Mel Gibson was also ignored by the female police office who he drunkenly bellowed "What are you looking at, Sugartits?" to, when official police procedure required her to curtsy, giggle into her handkerchief and reply "Why thank you kind sir" in the style of a wealthy plantation owner's daughter from 1860s Virginia.
