Articles tagged with: Relationship
Robert Pattinson Shares His Vampiric Seed With Kristen Stewart. Maybe.
It's sure to come as a shock, but try not to go for your gun straight away, whether it's to go on a killing rampage or to turn the barrel on yourself. Just hold on. You can get through this. It's damn hard though. We're struggling ourselves to come to terms with the news. Be comforted in the knowledge that hecklerspray is doing everything in its power to get to the bottom of this. For you see, Robert "Rob" Pattinson has gone and got Kristen Stewart pregnant, if reports are to be believed. Tweens and spinsters: he's cheated on you.
It's sure to come as a shock, but try not to go for your gun straight away, whether it's to go on a killing rampage or to turn the barrel on yourself. Just hold on. You can get through this. It's damn hard though. We're struggling ourselves to come to terms with the news. Be comforted in the knowledge that hecklerspray is doing everything in its power to get to the bottom of this. For you see, Robert "Rob" Pattinson has gone and got Kristen Stewart pregnant, if reports are to be believed. Tweens and spinsters: he's cheated on you.
Paris Hilton & Benji Madden Get Torn Apart By A Universe That Hates Seeing Two Simultaneous Uglies
Our breakfast toast this morning was slightly overdone so we tried to compensate by putting jelly on both sides. The results were surprisingly sticky. We're just throwing that out there in case the Drudge Report, E! Online or the National Enquirer want to run with it as a headline. Not interested? Perhaps they would be if they knew we used two different jelly flavours - one of them mint. Also we unconventionally spread it on there with the back of a spoon. Still nobody interested? Its free you know - we don't want a cut or anything. Just take the story. You could use the headline hecklerspray double jellies its morning toast with spoon from filthy sink pile. That'd be far more interesting than the story most of them are running about the Paris Hilton/Benji Madden break-up. C'mon you websites - think of the increased internet traffic!
Our breakfast toast this morning was slightly overdone so we tried to compensate by putting jelly on both sides. The results were surprisingly sticky. We're just throwing that out there in case the Drudge Report, E! Online or the National Enquirer want to run with it as a headline. Not interested? Perhaps they would be if they knew we used two different jelly flavours - one of them mint. Also we unconventionally spread it on there with the back of a spoon. Still nobody interested? Its free you know - we don't want a cut or anything. Just take the story. You could use the headline hecklerspray double jellies its morning toast with spoon from filthy sink pile. That'd be far more interesting than the story most of them are running about the Paris Hilton/Benji Madden break-up. C'mon you websites - think of the increased internet traffic!
Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer Split: He Can’t Commit, She May be Mental
Aww, put the confetti away - it seems Jennifer Aniston is destined for a life of endless unfulfilling relationships after her fling with John Mayer was consigned to nothingness. Yes, it would seem that the relationship that had been hyped as 'the love of the century' - we may be making that one up - has gone the way of the perennially single Dodo, as Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer have reportedly broken up. Try to fight back the tears, we're sure Jennifer is managing to. Especially seeing as she's now getting her thang on with some kind of model man from Britney Spears' Toxic video. At least that's more interesting than a nobody in a band, who seems to automatically screw any celebrity woman inhabiting a three-mile radius of his penis. We mean like John Mayer, if you weren't paying attention.
Aww, put the confetti away - it seems Jennifer Aniston is destined for a life of endless unfulfilling relationships after her fling with John Mayer was consigned to nothingness. Yes, it would seem that the relationship that had been hyped as 'the love of the century' - we may be making that one up - has gone the way of the perennially single Dodo, as Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer have reportedly broken up. Try to fight back the tears, we're sure Jennifer is managing to. Especially seeing as she's now getting her thang on with some kind of model man from Britney Spears' Toxic video. At least that's more interesting than a nobody in a band, who seems to automatically screw any celebrity woman inhabiting a three-mile radius of his penis. We mean like John Mayer, if you weren't paying attention.
A-Rod D-nates C-ash T-o M-dona C-rity. Madonna, That is. Not Maradona.
What's the last thing you want to do when you're publicly denying any kind of relationship with another high-profile person, while at the same time dealing with a particularly expensive divorce? If you said 'the last thing you would want to do when you're publicly denying any kind of relationship with another high-profile person, while at the same time dealing with a particularly expensive divorce would be to donate $500,000 to said high-profile person's charity' then you would be correct. You would also have used an overly wordy response. But you would be right, and we won't take that away from you. It would seem that this was yet another lesson in the world of today that Alex 'A-Rod' Rodriguez was never taught, seeing as he's only ruddy well gone and agreed to donate half a million dollars to Madonna's charity, Raising Malawi, while he's both rumoured to be more than friends with Madge and is part way through E-vorcing his wife. Which is costing him a lot of money. He could at least have waited a bit, the big, silly, baseball man.
What's the last thing you want to do when you're publicly denying any kind of relationship with another high-profile person, while at the same time dealing with a particularly expensive divorce? If you said 'the last thing you would want to do when you're publicly denying any kind of relationship with another high-profile person, while at the same time dealing with a particularly expensive divorce would be to donate $500,000 to said high-profile person's charity' then you would be correct. You would also have used an overly wordy response. But you would be right, and we won't take that away from you. It would seem that this was yet another lesson in the world of today that Alex 'A-Rod' Rodriguez was never taught, seeing as he's only ruddy well gone and agreed to donate half a million dollars to Madonna's charity, Raising Malawi, while he's both rumoured to be more than friends with Madge and is part way through E-vorcing his wife. Which is costing him a lot of money. He could at least have waited a bit, the big, silly, baseball man.
Paris Hilton Poked Chris DeWolfe… No, Wait – That’s Facebook
Does Paris Hilton even have a MySpace account? Surely she's one of those types that gets their profile banned for being far, far too whorish for the young audience of the site? It would appear Paris has special dispensation, however, as she is reportedly 'dating' - or whatever the kids call it these days - the CEO of MySpace Chris DeWolfe, who has surely given her special privileges for her profile. More photos, space to upload more of her wonderful music (seeing as her pop career is something of a nonstop rollercoaster right now) or something like that, surely. It is shocking that Paris didn't let MTV find her a new boyfriend, mind. What makes the story all the more shocking is that neither Paris nor Chris have updated their profiles to show they are single, with each still involved in a relationship and a marriage (though separated), respectively. Guys - go to your profile, click on edit then change the information accordingly - come on, you shouldn't be leading people astray like this. At least if it were Facebook you could change it to 'It's Complicated', which would suit perfectly.
Does Paris Hilton even have a MySpace account? Surely she's one of those types that gets their profile banned for being far, far too whorish for the young audience of the site? It would appear Paris has special dispensation, however, as she is reportedly 'dating' - or whatever the kids call it these days - the CEO of MySpace Chris DeWolfe, who has surely given her special privileges for her profile. More photos, space to upload more of her wonderful music (seeing as her pop career is something of a nonstop rollercoaster right now) or something like that, surely. It is shocking that Paris didn't let MTV find her a new boyfriend, mind. What makes the story all the more shocking is that neither Paris nor Chris have updated their profiles to show they are single, with each still involved in a relationship and a marriage (though separated), respectively. Guys - go to your profile, click on edit then change the information accordingly - come on, you shouldn't be leading people astray like this. At least if it were Facebook you could change it to 'It's Complicated', which would suit perfectly.
Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers. This is News, How, Exactly?
Talking about Miley Cyrus all the time may be bad enough, but then we have to go and bring in this Jonas Brothers kid in just to see how far things can actually go downhill. As if covering the near-endless slew of nearly naked pictures of a 15-year-old isn't bad enough, now the media feels compelled to report on the fact that two 15-year-olds used to go out with each other. For a bit. And young Hannah Montana has gone and told us all about it. And hecklerspray apparently feels the need to talk about it. If there was an ounce of dignity left in the world, this 'news' is surely the swansong for that poor little blighter. It never stood a chance. Yet there it is, splashed all over the entertainment press: "Miley Cyrus: Breaking Up With Nick Jonas Was Hard" or the much more tempting: "Miley Cyrus: ‘Maybe I’ll End Up Marrying Nick Jonas’" - every publication getting in its own two cents on the matter, covering a two year relationship between two very young teenagers. And this is news. That people want to read. Can someone wake us up from the medically-enforced coma we're about to put ourselves in when the world stops being so clinically insane, thanks.
Talking about Miley Cyrus all the time may be bad enough, but then we have to go and bring in this Jonas Brothers kid in just to see how far things can actually go downhill. As if covering the near-endless slew of nearly naked pictures of a 15-year-old isn't bad enough, now the media feels compelled to report on the fact that two 15-year-olds used to go out with each other. For a bit. And young Hannah Montana has gone and told us all about it. And hecklerspray apparently feels the need to talk about it. If there was an ounce of dignity left in the world, this 'news' is surely the swansong for that poor little blighter. It never stood a chance. Yet there it is, splashed all over the entertainment press: "Miley Cyrus: Breaking Up With Nick Jonas Was Hard" or the much more tempting: "Miley Cyrus: ‘Maybe I’ll End Up Marrying Nick Jonas’" - every publication getting in its own two cents on the matter, covering a two year relationship between two very young teenagers. And this is news. That people want to read. Can someone wake us up from the medically-enforced coma we're about to put ourselves in when the world stops being so clinically insane, thanks.
Jessica Simpson Still Loves That Guy Who Keeps Trying To Dump Her
Ask yourself this - is there anything really more romantic than an unconvincing on/off relationship between two people who you don't really care about?
Jessica Simpson doesn't seem to think so, because she's slap-bang in the middle of one as we speak and it's all she can bloody well carp on about. Jessica Simpson was on The View recently, and seemed weirdly determined to tell everyone how much she and her boyfriend Tony Romo love each other at suspiciously short intervals, despite constant rumours suggesting that they've split up.
Let's hope that Jessica Simpson isn't just staying together with Tony Romo for our sake, because 'Jessica Simpson Starts Crying Because She's Sad And So, So Alone' is a headline that we're itching to use, you know.
