Articles tagged with: rehab
Kelly Osbourne Thumps Off To Rehab
An arrest and a trip to rehab within the same week? Hold the phone, Lindsay Lohan's packed the weight on. Wait, what? This isn't a story about Lindsay Lohan? This is actually a story about Kelly Osbourne? But the arrest-inspired rehab visit is Lindsay Lohan's idea! Why is Kelly Osbourne trying to copy Lindsay Lohan so much? What else of Lindsay's is Kelly going to copy? Her halfhearted music career? Good christ, she's even done that! What's wrong with the girl? Basically, Kelly Osbourne has checked into rehab for the next 30 days. We didn't know pastry could be so addictive.
An arrest and a trip to rehab within the same week? Hold the phone, Lindsay Lohan's packed the weight on. Wait, what? This isn't a story about Lindsay Lohan? This is actually a story about Kelly Osbourne? But the arrest-inspired rehab visit is Lindsay Lohan's idea! Why is Kelly Osbourne trying to copy Lindsay Lohan so much? What else of Lindsay's is Kelly going to copy? Her halfhearted music career? Good christ, she's even done that! What's wrong with the girl? Basically, Kelly Osbourne has checked into rehab for the next 30 days. We didn't know pastry could be so addictive.
Amy Winehouse Cheered Up By Release Of BLAAAAAYKE!
If you've been traumatised by all those photos of Amy Winehouse looking ill and close to death and alone recently, fear not. Because Amy Winehouse isn't going to be ill and close to death and alone any more - she's going to be ill and close to death with Blake Fielder-Civil, her hat-wearing berk of a husband who was released from jail yesterday, where he'd been since getting arrested for smashing a man's face in with his feet and then lying about it. But don't expect a happy reunion between Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil just yet - after leaving prison, Blake went directly to rehab alone, where he'll either be treated for substance abuse or violent shower-room bumming depending on how well his sentence went.
If you've been traumatised by all those photos of Amy Winehouse looking ill and close to death and alone recently, fear not. Because Amy Winehouse isn't going to be ill and close to death and alone any more - she's going to be ill and close to death with Blake Fielder-Civil, her hat-wearing berk of a husband who was released from jail yesterday, where he'd been since getting arrested for smashing a man's face in with his feet and then lying about it. But don't expect a happy reunion between Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil just yet - after leaving prison, Blake went directly to rehab alone, where he'll either be treated for substance abuse or violent shower-room bumming depending on how well his sentence went.
Huzzah! David Duchovny Isn’t Addicted To The Sex Any More!
The world was dangerous back when David Duchovny was a sex addict - you couldn't walk the streets for fear of Duchovny trying to jam his tongue in your ear. But relax, because now comes the news we've all been waiting for - David Duchovny has been cured of his sex addiction! According to a statement released yesterday, David Duchovny has left his sex addict rehab and is back functioning in society as a normal human being with a depressingly watery libido. It still hasn't been made clear what form David Duchovny's sex addiction treatment took, but we hear that he's had an implant fitted inside him that, whenever he feels a slight sensation of arousal, causes one of his testicles to inflate to the size of a bus, glow bright red and play I Wanna Sex You Up by Color Me Badd at ear-splitting volume. So he won't be going to the swimming pool on Senior Aquarobics afternoon any time in a hurry, that's for sure.
The world was dangerous back when David Duchovny was a sex addict - you couldn't walk the streets for fear of Duchovny trying to jam his tongue in your ear. But relax, because now comes the news we've all been waiting for - David Duchovny has been cured of his sex addiction! According to a statement released yesterday, David Duchovny has left his sex addict rehab and is back functioning in society as a normal human being with a depressingly watery libido. It still hasn't been made clear what form David Duchovny's sex addiction treatment took, but we hear that he's had an implant fitted inside him that, whenever he feels a slight sensation of arousal, causes one of his testicles to inflate to the size of a bus, glow bright red and play I Wanna Sex You Up by Color Me Badd at ear-splitting volume. So he won't be going to the swimming pool on Senior Aquarobics afternoon any time in a hurry, that's for sure.
David Duchovny Only Addicted To Sex With His Lovely Wife
Fact - when a man admits to a sex addiction, it's because his wife caught him half a foot up another woman and he's trying to appease her. Unless, it appears, you're David Duchovny. Although he's currently being treated for sex addiction in what we expect to be the stickiest, smelliest rehab facility in the world, a friend of David Duchovny has come forward to point out that at no point did David ever cheat on his wife with another woman. That means, scientifically, that either David Duchovny did a bunch of rude things with vegetables or... or... Or David Duchovny is addicted to having sex with his own wife. The bloody pervert. Castration's too good for him. David Duchovny, you're a big fat embarrassment to mankind.
Fact - when a man admits to a sex addiction, it's because his wife caught him half a foot up another woman and he's trying to appease her. Unless, it appears, you're David Duchovny. Although he's currently being treated for sex addiction in what we expect to be the stickiest, smelliest rehab facility in the world, a friend of David Duchovny has come forward to point out that at no point did David ever cheat on his wife with another woman. That means, scientifically, that either David Duchovny did a bunch of rude things with vegetables or... or... Or David Duchovny is addicted to having sex with his own wife. The bloody pervert. Castration's too good for him. David Duchovny, you're a big fat embarrassment to mankind.
David Duchovny Might As Well Face It, He’s Addicted To Fanny
David Duchovny might have pooed away his movie career making that lousy X Files movie, but you know what? At least he's got his dignity. Yes, say what you like about David Duchovny, but you can't fault the flawlessly dignified way that he overcomes life's obstacles. As an example, the statement that David Duchovny released yesterday claiming that he's a long-term sex addict and that he's seeking treatment in rehab for it was as noble and elegant and, yes, dignified as you could ever ask for. Also - David Duchovny's a sex addict? Hahahahahahaha hahahahaha hahahaha haha ahaha hahahaha ahaha haaaa! What a tit.
David Duchovny might have pooed away his movie career making that lousy X Files movie, but you know what? At least he's got his dignity. Yes, say what you like about David Duchovny, but you can't fault the flawlessly dignified way that he overcomes life's obstacles. As an example, the statement that David Duchovny released yesterday claiming that he's a long-term sex addict and that he's seeking treatment in rehab for it was as noble and elegant and, yes, dignified as you could ever ask for. Also - David Duchovny's a sex addict? Hahahahahahaha hahahahaha hahahaha haha ahaha hahahaha ahaha haaaa! What a tit.
Song Review: Keane – Spiralling
“Song review? Don’t you mean CD review, morons?†For once we decided not to leave ourselves open for getting something wrong and remembered that you can’t physically get hold of this new tune from the UK’s worst drug-taking band, Keane. Unless you’re one of those posh industry types, this song is unavailable to buy on CD, vinyl or even from one of those fancy digital downloading services. Though we assume it’s on file sharing sites alongside the mis-titled new Elvis and Frank Sinatra album. Usually we don’t bother telling you how awesome or shoddy a single is, but seeing as it’s free release that didn’t get that much publicity compared to other free downloads, offered by the likes of Radiohead and Sigur Ros, we thought we’d make you aware. Spiralling is taken from Keane's yet to be released (but probably available illegally on the internet) third album Perfect Symmetry.
“Song review? Don’t you mean CD review, morons?†For once we decided not to leave ourselves open for getting something wrong and remembered that you can’t physically get hold of this new tune from the UK’s worst drug-taking band, Keane. Unless you’re one of those posh industry types, this song is unavailable to buy on CD, vinyl or even from one of those fancy digital downloading services. Though we assume it’s on file sharing sites alongside the mis-titled new Elvis and Frank Sinatra album. Usually we don’t bother telling you how awesome or shoddy a single is, but seeing as it’s free release that didn’t get that much publicity compared to other free downloads, offered by the likes of Radiohead and Sigur Ros, we thought we’d make you aware. Spiralling is taken from Keane's yet to be released (but probably available illegally on the internet) third album Perfect Symmetry.
Ronnie Wood Stumbles Off To Rehab For A Bit
We've never spent a week getting drunk in the arms of a Russian waitress who's a third of our age, but it sounds awful. So no wonder Ronnie Wood has decided to check into rehab. After flying back to apologise for his exploits to his long-suffering wife, Ronnie has checked into a clinic to beat his drinking problem once and for all. It sounds like a great idea, except that Ronnie Wood went to rehab to beat his drinking problem once and for all last month too, and that just made him run off to Ireland to get drunk with an unusually young Russian girl that he met in a sex club. So rehab is a brave move, because if the pattern holds he'll be mainlining heroin with a three-year-old Serbian toddler by the end of the month.
We've never spent a week getting drunk in the arms of a Russian waitress who's a third of our age, but it sounds awful. So no wonder Ronnie Wood has decided to check into rehab. After flying back to apologise for his exploits to his long-suffering wife, Ronnie has checked into a clinic to beat his drinking problem once and for all. It sounds like a great idea, except that Ronnie Wood went to rehab to beat his drinking problem once and for all last month too, and that just made him run off to Ireland to get drunk with an unusually young Russian girl that he met in a sex club. So rehab is a brave move, because if the pattern holds he'll be mainlining heroin with a three-year-old Serbian toddler by the end of the month.
Eva Mendes Won’t Tell You Squat About Why She Went To Rehab
Quickly, name three interesting things about Eva Mendes! Boobs! Rehab! Er... Can't do it, can you? That's because there are only two interesting things about Eva Mendes - her boobs and that time she went to rehab. And it's a good job that Eva Mendes enjoys getting her boobs out so frequently, because she's buggered if she's telling us anything about rehab. In the latest issue of Interview magazine, Eva Mendes has decided to 'neither confirm nor deny' rumours about why she checked into the Cirque Lodge rehab facility earlier this year. One rumour, possibly started by Eva herself, is that she only went to rehab to research a role. We'll see how true that is once we've worked out whether her next film is about a dreary old self-absorbed tosspot ot not.
Quickly, name three interesting things about Eva Mendes! Boobs! Rehab! Er... Can't do it, can you? That's because there are only two interesting things about Eva Mendes - her boobs and that time she went to rehab. And it's a good job that Eva Mendes enjoys getting her boobs out so frequently, because she's buggered if she's telling us anything about rehab. In the latest issue of Interview magazine, Eva Mendes has decided to 'neither confirm nor deny' rumours about why she checked into the Cirque Lodge rehab facility earlier this year. One rumour, possibly started by Eva herself, is that she only went to rehab to research a role. We'll see how true that is once we've worked out whether her next film is about a dreary old self-absorbed tosspot ot not.
