Think what you will, but you all know deep down that the upcoming presidential election will be won and lost on the say-so of one person – Lindsay Lohan.
You might not realise it, but it’s true. Look at Lindsay Lohan – she definitely thinks so. Earlier this week Lindsay was blogging her little freckles off about mean old Sarah Palin, and now she’s decided to host a number of events for her candidate of choice, Barack Obama.
Trouble is, Barack Obama would rather dip his balls in acid than let Lindsay Lohan even begin to help him out, and his people have turned all of her offers down. But don’t worry, because Lindsay Lohan has put the snub behind her and moved onto bigger and better things. Well, maybe not bigger. And better’s a slight exaggeration. But things. Definitely things.
Staring into the middle distance and cultivating a staggering lack of self-awareness still counts as a thing, doesn’t it? Good.
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She may have officially become one of the world’s dullest people, not bothering to get into even the most minor of mishaps, but we’re still sticking with the girl.
Because we like Lindsay Lohan – how could we not? She’s given us so much entertainment, so many words to write and so much vitriolic rage to spew. It’s hard to be really very mad at an old friend.
But it wouldn’t seem that hard for Lindsay’s ‘born-again Christian ex-convict of an absentee father’ (copyright Stuart Heritage 2008), Michael Lohan, to give up on his own flesh and blood for mere ‘religious’ reasons. Big Mike has decided he can’t walk his daughter down the aisle should her rumoured gay wedding come to fruition, as it would go against his born-again Christianity belief system.
You’ve got to love religion. Especially when it’s one that you’ve been turned on to about four minutes ago. Whereas your daughter has been around for most of her life. Can’t argue with the man’s priorities, we suppose.
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Have you heard the news? Boyzone are reforming because they've put aside their differences and not because Take That and the Spice Girls have got rich doing it and nobody cares about Ronan Keating's solo career any more.
Yes, Boyzone – the most famous elderly Irish boyband after Westlife and Murtagh Fitzpatrick And The Clodpoopers – are reforming, but there's a hitch. Boyzone wanted their comeback single to be I Gave It All Away, a song written by inexplicably popular annoyance Mika – but Mika's not having it. That's a good thing, because when a band interprets a songwriter's work, the result is often a brand-new, unique piece of music spliced equally from each party's DNA like a baby – and we can all agree that a part-Mika/ part-Boyzone baby would probably end up looking and sounding a lot like the disfigured genetically-deformed mutant puppy from The Fly II.
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