God, look at you all.
Sat there in your ostentatious Ivory Towers looking down on us in our hecklerspray hovel as we scrap around trying to pick a living from the meagre bones of underweight celebrities. You sit in judgement of us like a Feudal Lord views his peasants with seeming omniscience.
You sit there with your lucky dip box at the ready, it loaded with randomly generated insults and put-downs designed to make us feel like the lowest of the low, like the dog dirt on the shoe of the internet, like Tim Westwood. Your words are designed to cut, to hurt but are said with the best interests at heart. You want to protect your favourite celebrity because you know- deep down- that they’re too disinterested or stupid to defend themselves.
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As we’ve already made abundantly clear on this very day, no-one wants to see myriad bands reforming to remind us of why we thought they were a bit awful in the first place.We thought we’d just get that out of the way to start with.
Secondly, the answer to the question ‘Why do bands reform?’ is never ‘For the music, maaaaaaannnnn.’. It is, invariably, “for the money, maaaaaaannnnn.”
Whether we like it or not, the music industry is a big wheel that keeps on turning, spewing out derivative crap with every clicking cog. That’s not the problem, it really isn’t. There is still good music out there and even some of the launched faeces eventually breaks down into a diamond.
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There’s a ’90s revival knocking around, leaving thirtysomethings to thrill about an imagined golden-period of music history… a period that comprised of bands like Echobelly, Menswear, Candy Flip and a whole host of other dreadful bands.
Basically, if you remember the ’90s without rose-tints, then you’ll know that it wasn’t that great at all. Go listen to Sleeper for proof of how rubbish the ’90s could be.
However, one of the better bands of that period are apparently getting back together and, if you can read a headline or look at a picture accompanying an article, you’ll know that the band in question is Pulp. Read More >>>
There are plenty of reasons to hate Take That – from the way you can't go more than three minutes on any commercial radio station without hearing that bloody Shine song to Gary Barlow's stupid face.
But the biggest reason of all is because Take That reformed, giving billions of other ancient teenypop bands the idea to reunite, often with eye-cripplingly shocking results. But not all ancient teenypop bands – for example, tinpot twin-based growl-heavy 1980s boyband Bros have clung onto their morals and refused to reunite.
What's that? Bros have decided to reunite as well? That's great – back in the day Bros had a large, highly dedicated fanbase, so we're sure that they'll go crazy for the reunion just as soon as someone shouts news about it into their ear-trumpet. We're implying that they're all old.
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