UK readers may never forget the mixture of contempt and confusion that spread itself across Larry Hagman’s pink, withered face as he sat in the middle of the mayhem that is Shooting Stars with Reeves and Mortimer.

US readers, of course, will just think of his as charming old bastard, JR Ewing.

Well, Hagman is back to reprise his role in the new Dallas reboot which is dragging loads of the old cast out of retirement to help raise the profile of the show and, of course, stop the tide of sneering naysayers (like us) who think it’ll probably be rubbish.

Larry Hagman will join the cast of the new Dallas along with Patrick Duffy and Linda Gray, which is great news for a bunch of actors who haven’t had a whole lot of stuff to do since Dallas stopped airing over 20 years ago.

For the infants among you, the original Dallas aired from 1978 onward and followed the Ewing family of Southfork. Power struggles, people getting shot, steamy affairs, massive hats and mindbogglingly brilliant and hammy incidental music featured throughout.

The modern take will focus on the Ewing offspring – J.R. Ewing’s son, John Ross, and the adopted son of Bobby and Pam Ewing, Christopher – and of course, they’ll all be constantly scrapping with each other over power, money along with steamy affairs and hopefully, really hammy incidental music.

Josh Henderson (from Desperate Housewives) is going to play John Ross while Jordana Brewster (from Fast & Furious) will play Elena, who is involved in a love triangle with Christopher and John.

Hagman said that he’s still representing Dallas…

“It’s like an annuity, really. I go out, they adore me, and then they pay you. What better job can you have?”

Of course, this isn’t the first time that someone’s tried to breathe life back into the Texan melodrama. 20th Century Fox wanted to make a film about it, starring John Travolta, Jennifer Lopez, and Luke Wilson, but realised that, with a cast like that, it could have easily been the shittest movie ever made.

And so, with an ’80s revival still in swing, the time could be right for a new Dallas to come along and trash the face off everyone.

Provided the producers don’t try to make it ‘quality’.

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Batman, Superman and James Bond all proved that everybody loves reboots – so the chaps at New Line have come up with a sterling idea.

New Line is apparently gearing up to make a Blade reboot, even though Blade is barely a decade old as it is. What sort of reboot is Blade going to have? Nobody knows, except for the fact that Wesley Snipes will be nowhere to be seen in it.

According to reports, Wesley Snipes won’t be appearing in the new Blade movie, even for a second. Which, ironically, is still 10 seconds longer that he appeared in Blade Trinity for.

Although the oldest one was only released in 1998, the Blade movies seem like the byproducts of an age that moved on long ago. It’s a mark of how complex and gritty The Dark Knight was that rewatching Blade now feels a bit like being a sugared-up toddler in a teddy-bear circus on the moon. Oh vampire hunter, it’s so adorable to see you fighting those creatures that killed your mother!

But as well as this, the other reason that the Blade movies seem so dated is because they all feature pre-lunacy Wesley Snipes.

You know, the Wesley Snipes who existed before we all knew he refused to pay his taxes on the basis that the IRS was an imaginary organisation and that he lived in a country where the population was him and there were no taxes and the national anthem was Area Code 213 by Boo-Yaa T.R.I.B.E from the White Men Can’t Jump soundtrack. The Wesley Snipes who would fight said tax-dodging conviction by getting Woody Harrelson to write the world’s most meandering stoned-sounding letter to a judge. That Wesley Snipes.

So it’s no surprise that the new Blade movie New Line reportedly wants to make won’t feature Wesley Snipes at all. In fact, more than that, it’s going to go back to the past and pretend that Wesley Snipes never even existed. That’s according to Blade writer David S Goyer, anyway. Shock Till You Drop quotes:

“I heard rumors that they may want to start from scratch with a new person playing Blade. It’s funny because I thought about how I never wanted to do a vampire film ever again because I’m sick of it. But I was reading the Tomb of Dracula Omnibus and I hadn’t read them in a long time and I thought it might be cool to do another vampire movie at some point.”

Blade without Wesley Snipes might actually work because they might actually find an actor willing to appear in the movie for more than seven minutes and then bitch relentlessly about the production after it’s finished. And the new Blade might even be a better fit for these post-Dark Knight times, too – perhaps they’ll even hire someone who talks in a voice so deep and gravelly that nobody can understand a single word of he says. We hear that’s all the go in superhero movies these days.

Anyway, if this Blade reboot is a success, then maybe New Line will consider rebooting some of its other movies as well. We’re especially looking forward to the Lord Of The Rings reboot where there’s a lengthy free-running scene across a Moroccan rooftop and at one point a Russian woman tells Frodo that his mind is like a prison. We’d like that.

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