And that saying couldn’t be more apt when it comes to discussing Rebecca, the Big Brother housemate who was evicted on Friday night. She came, she saw, she kept getting her knockers out and she had a drunken tongue-wrestle with a twig. We won’t see Rebecca’s like again, unless of course we go to any pikey nightclub on a Saturday night. Honestly, they’re full of them.

But with Rebecca gone, who’s going to win Big Brother? Here are the Big Brother betting odds for Mohamed, Sara, Maysoon and Lisa, with help from Paddy Power…

Mohamed - Finally. It’s taken over 50 days but we’ve finally realised why most of the Big Brother housemates have found the energy to round on such a steaming nonentity as Mohamed. After several hours of high-level scientific exploration into the issue, we’ve realised that Mohamed just has one of those faces. It’s the way he moves his mouth when he talks, the hint of slimy creepiness in his eyes, the way he’s constantly on the prowl for a cigarette to steal. It’s icky and it creeps us out. Also, Mohamed won’t win Big Brother because he shoved his tongue into Rebecca’s gob last week; and finding her attractive is a crime punishable only by being catapulted into the side of a cliff at a million miles an hour. Fact. Current Big Brother betting odds – 80/1

Sara – Another week in the Big Brother house, another display of absolutely piss-all from Sara – the girl with the face of Angelina Jolie and the personality of some especially uninteresting vapour. Right now Sara might be developing a bit of a crush on Darnell. She might not be – every time Sara is shown on Big Brother we start smashing ourselves about the face with a tin tray because we’ve discovered it’s less painful and pointless than paying attention to her – but let’s just say she is. Fingers crossed that their kids have her looks and his personality. They’d still be bullied at school, but – let’s face it – rather that than the other way around. Current Big Brother betting odds – 66/1

Maysoon – Much has been made of Maysoon’s developing personality – all of a sudden she’s actually started to engage the Big Brother housemates in conversation, rather than just sit around sucking her cheeks in and blankly staring into the middle-distance all day. We’re not convinced, though. Look – who’s the biggest personality in the Big Brother house at the moment? Lisa? Big whoop – she’s basically a transvestite with the voice of a Chuckle Brother. The Big Brother producers know that there’s nobody interesting left in the show, which is why they’re blindly flailing around trying to find something, anything, to fill their daily hour with. And apparently the occasional mutterings of a hopelessly dull deodorant model do that quite well. They don’t – it’s not an exaggeration to say that we’d rather dive into a quarry full of dirty heroin needles than listen to Maysoon talk about anything. Ever. Current Big Brother betting odds – 40/1

Lisa – So, without Mario in the Big Brother house to constantly dominate her, what’s Lisa like as a person? Fucking awful, in a word. As well as having a face that looks like a permanently blind child’s Crayola scrawl of a pretty lady, Lisa’s also taken it upon herself to round on Rachel and Kat as often as possible. God knows why – being mean to Rachel is a bit like shooting a puppy in the face. And another thing – Lisa’s one of those awful arseholes who think they’re far more deep than they actually are, as seen during her bewildering discussion with Darnell about how you should never abuse the sea. Physically abuse the sea. With your fists. For some reason, Lisa’s never been put up for Big Brother eviction. This must either be because the Big Brother housemates are stupid or because they’re vainly hoping that next week’s task involves turning the Diary Room into a lethal injection chamber. We know which of these options is true, but we know which one we want to be true, too. Current Big Brother betting odds – 25/1

Tomorrow: Big Brother betting odds for Stuart, Rachel, Mikey and Rex. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to Paddy Power to see the full list of Big Brother betting odds.

But despite the rubbish viewing figures, someone will be evicted from Big Brother tonight – and it’ll either be Darnell, Mohamed or Rebecca who goes. It should be a nailbiter, that’s for sure, and we’re sure the six remaining Big Brother viewers will be on the edge of their seats. Not least because two of the housemates got all kissy-kissy last night and managed to break little Luke’s fragile heart forever.

So here are the Big Brother betting odds for Rebecca’s eviction, with help from Paddy Power…

Rebecca - Rebecca’s been nominated for Big Brother eviction before, but she managed to wangle her way out of it on two fronts. Firstly Rebecca managed to embark on a dangerous last-minute romance with Luke to win the public’s sympathy. Secondly Rebecca managed to be nominated against Mario, who was such an unbelievable dick that Pol Pot would have survived a Big Brother eviction against him. This time, though, Rebecca might not be so lucky. For starters, although both of the Big Brother housemates she’s up against are basically cockmunches, she’s the primary overbearing personality of the three. If anyone gets voted for, it’ll be Rebecca. More than that, though, Big Brother viewers have seen that Rebecca’s little bunk-up with Luke was almost certainly a sham to keep her in and they want to punish her for it, especially in light of her snog with Mohamed last night. True, Rebecca’s eviction means that we’ll have to put up with her wobbling her bare knockers about in Nuts for a week or two, but that’s a disgusting hit we’ll have to take. Current Big brother betting odds – 1/5

Next week: Big Brother betting odds to win again. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to Paddy Power to see the full list of Big Brother betting odds.

But the eviction of Belinda hasn’t been the only thing to happen in the Big Brother house this weekend – the mantle of Big Brother head of house has passed from Darnell to Dale. What will his tenure as boss be like? Better than Darnell’s? Worse? Or, as we suspect, so sodding similar that you’ll want to corkscrew your own eyes out just for a bit of variation? You decide.

But who’s going to win Big Brother this year? Here are the Big Brother betting odds for Mohamed, Maysoon, Sara and Rebecca, with help from Paddy Power…

Mohamed – Regular readers will remember that this time last week we urged Mohamed to do something, anything, to prove his worth as a Big Brother housemate. Readers, Mohamed has not let us down – in the last seven days Mohamed has played out of his skin in that he a) ate a banana and b) picked up a toothbrush. Great work Mohamed! However, it’s a testament to Mohamed’s incredible unpopularity that both of these actions resulted in gigantic arguments. Mohamed obviously doesn’t stand a hope in hell of winning Big Brother, but let’s keep him in for a few more weeks. We want to see what the most gaspingly mundane thing he’s capable of turning into a flare-up is. Current Big Brother betting odds – 100/1

Maysoon – Maysoon is another Big Brother housemate worthy of our praise this week, because she’s done the impossible and managed to be even more pointless and anonymous than Mohamed. The woman literally doesn’t do anything. Alright, maybe that’s a lie – this weekend she ran for head of the house. Sadly, and somewhat inevitably, she lost, which was a shame. Being head of the Big Brother house means that you have to occasionally assert your personality, and – since Maysoon doesn’t actually have one of those – we were interested to see what she’d assert instead. Her lovely hair? Current Big Brother betting odds – 66/1

Sara - You know when you just instinctively don’t like someone for no reason? That’s pretty much exactly how we feel about Sara. We just can’t help it – it’s probably got something to do with her voice. When Sara speaks, it’s like the world’s most vacuously self-obsessed mosquito has got jammed into your ear and just keeps burrowing closer and closer towards your brain until the monotonous whine gets too much to bear and you end up shooting your face off with a cannon just to make it stop. We don’t even know what Sara has done in the Big Brother house this last week, but one thing’s for sure – even if she stopped world hunger she’d probably still piss us off a little bit. Current Big Brother betting odds – 50/1

Rebecca – Rebecca is in the heaven side of the Big Brother house now, but last week she was in the hell side and didn’t we all bloody know about it. Even though she’s probably got enough fat stored up in her colossal funbags to keep her going without food for a solid couple of decades, Rebecca moaned and whined and, at one point, actually collapsed because it was all too much for her. Speaking of Rebecca’s boobs, this last week has been characterised by her worries that the lack of food would make her jugs shrivel away to nothing. Rebecca, we think we speak on behalf of the entire nation when we say that if your boobs shrivelling away to nothing is what it’ll take for you to stop wanging them about in the mistaken belief that they’re somehow erotic, then we’re going to start campaigning for you never to eat again. Current Big Brother betting odds – 33/1

Tomorrow – Big Brother betting odds for Lisa, Rachel, Stuart, Rex and Mikey. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to Paddy Power to see the full list of Big Brother betting odds.

That’s no fun. That’s not what we want at all. So thank heavens for Mario, who was evicted from Big Brother on Friday and steadfastly refused to understand that people dislike him for being a hopeless David Brent clone with zero self-awareness about what a prick he is. Mario, you truly are a hero. Don’t go changing. OK, maybe change a bit…

With Mario gone, who’ll win Big Brother? Here are the Big Brother betting odds to win for Belinda, Mohamed, Maysoon, Sara and Rebecca, with help from Paddy Power…

Belinda – We don’t think Belinda should be evicted from Big Brother, you know. We think someone should build a cannon, stuff Belinda into it, fire her into space and splatter her against the surface of the moon. Because if that’s what it takes to stop her from walking around the Big Brother house going “BYA ZJAH DWOO WHEY SCHWOO” like a sunshine-warped vinyl copy of It Ain’t Necessarily So recorded by a serial killer on death row as his last request, then so be it. But Belinda doesn’t just relentlessly scat – no, there’s much more to her than that. She also only wears black and white to show solidarity to, um, black and white people – cruelly ignoring the browns and the yellows, the bitch – and she snores. Oh, she snores. That’s why everyone will nominate her this week. But please, let’s keep Belinda in for a few more weeks. There’ll be more fights that way. Current Big Brother betting odds – 100/1

Mohamed – For a second a few weeks ago you thought Mohamed was getting exciting, didn’t you? When he inadvertently kickstarted the biggest fight of Big Brother so far and then cried so intensely that you thought he had all kinds of hidden depths to him? Well, you’re wrong. Mohamed has gone back to doing nothing. Literally nothing. He isn’t even eating to excess any more. He isn’t even liked or disliked any more – Mohamed is just there, like dust or that mole you’re thinking about getting removed in case it goes bad. Pfff. Current Big Brother betting odds – 66/1

Maysoon – Where Mohamed needs a personality because he’s essentially just an incredibly mediocre person, Maysoon doesn’t need anything of the sort. Prior to entering the Big Brother house, Maysoon was a model, you see. And, as we all know, models don’t need to have personalities because they look quite nice. That’s why Maysoon vanished into the background from the instant she stepped foot into the Big Brother house – because she doesn’t do anything, apart from glumly smoke all the time. The other Big Brother housemates have said that they admire Maysoon’s self-assurance, but it isn’t self-assurance at all. Maysoon only radiates quiet calm because mentally she’s constantly trying to work out how to spell the word ‘cat’. Current Big Brother betting odds – 66/1

Sara – No no no. There are currently three Big Brother housemates statistically less likely to win Big Brother than Sara. That’s all wrong – Sara should absolutely be the least likely to win. By a mile. By a million miles. It’s her voice. Her voice and her mouth and her brain. Every time we see Sara breathing in to start talking, a little part of us dies. That’s because we know that what’s bound to follow is going to be the most staggering inane, self regarding tosh that a human is capable of saying, delivered in a violently loud whiny monotone. That always goes up at the end. Please evict Sara, someone. Please. Evict her or wire her jaws shut. One or the other. We’re being serious. Current Big Brother betting odds – 40/1

Rebecca – Of all the eviction-surviving strategies we’ve ever seen on Big Brother, Rebecca drunkenly deciding to chew the face off the house’s resident scrawny geek Luke is perhaps the weirdest. Weirder still, it worked. Lulled in by the promise of a new romance to coo over, the short-sighted Big Brother viewers decided to keep Rebecca in. But that’s such a mistake it isn’t funny. Remember that cover of Heat magazine from last year of Ziggy and Chanelle posing naked together? Imagine a repeat of that featuring Luke and Rebecca. Imagine it. Really imagine hard. That nausea you’re currently feeling? That’s a sign for you to evict Rebecca from Big Brother at the next opportunity. Current Big Brother betting odds – 40/1

Tomorrow: Big Brother betting odds for Stuart, Rex, Lisa, Rachel and Mikey. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to Paddy Power to see the full list of Big Brother betting odds.

And for the first time this season, the Big Brother eviction is a two-horse race. Previously the likes of Sylvia and Jennifer have been so overwhelmingly unpopular that their eviction has been inevitable. But tonight? Nobody knows – both Rebecca and Mario stand an equal chance of being evicted. For once, both nominated housemates are equally knobbish.

So who’ll be evicted tonight? Here are the Big Brother betting odds for Mario, with help from Paddy Power…

Mario – Mario won’t be evicted from the Big Brother house tonight. He won’t. He’s got a fanclub, for christ’s sake. He’s been on the Ant and Dec. He’s been a magistrate. At least we think he said he’s been a magistrate – to be honest we only catch about a fifth of what Mario actually says. The rest of the time we’re crawling around in front of the TV on our knees with our hands clamped over our ears screaming “Stop! Stop talking you unbearable berk!” Anyway, Mario is the favourite to be evicted from Big Brother tonight, and rightly so, since the man’s face alone is so overwhelmingly offensive that we’d like to cut it off and throw it in the river. What’ll the Big Brother house be like without an awful Jabba The Hutt clone plonked on a bed spouting ridiculous self-righteous gossip about everyone? There’s only one way to find out. Current Big Brother betting odds – 1/3

Next week: More Big Brother betting odds to win again. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to Paddy Power to see the full list of Big Brother betting odds.

Take Mario and Rebecca, for example. They’re the Big Brother housemates nominated this week, and they both responded to the news in very different ways – Rebecca immediately thought back to all the bad things she’d done and assumed that she’d be evicted, while Mario passive-aggressively rounded on everyone. The moral of this story, we think, is that Mario is an arsehole.

So who goes tomorrow? Here are the Big Brother betting odds for Rebecca, with help from Paddy Power…

Rebecca – If you ever wanted concrete proof of how much of an arsehole Mario is, it’s this – Rebecca isn’t the favourite to be evicted from Big Brother this week. That’s insane. Ever since the old Big Brother flare-up about Jennifer’s cack-handed picture of Stuart, Rebecca has been on some sort of berserko terrorstomp that’s involved screeching insults into everyone’s faces, whispering insults at them behind their back, breaking anything she gets within smashing distance of and – most recently, and perhaps most disturbingly – grabbing at Luke’s cock. Perhaps that’s the real reason why Rebecca’s no longer the favourite to be evicted from Big Brother tomorrow night, her burgeoning romance with Luke. No, no, what are we saying? It’s because Mario’s an arsehole. It’s definitely because Mario’s an arsehole. Current Big Brother betting odds – 2/1

Tomorrow: Big Brother betting odds for Mario’s eviction. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to Paddy Power to see the full list of Big Brother betting odds.

That’s because Mario is also up for eviction. Ha! Do you see what we did there? We are clever. But anyway, yes, it’s been announced that Mario and Rebecca have been nominated for Big Brother eviction, and for once we’re torn about who we want to go. Oh, can’t we just humanely gas them both?

We’ll come to the Big Brother eviction odds tomorrow, but for now we’d better finish up our weekly look at the Big Brother betting odds to win for Mikey, Rex, Luke, Darnell and Kat, with help from Paddy Power…

Mikey – As a blind man, Mikey naturally has several major advantages over his fellow Big Brother housemates. For starters he never has to see the disgusting spectacle of Lisa and Mario kissing each other with tongues, and also his disability is bound to garner lots of sympathy from the Big Brother viewers. Except it’s not – although Mikey was the early favourite to win Big Brother, now his chances are sinking faster than ever. Mikey seems to recognise this himself, which is why he’s started to do bizarre stunts like shaving his eyebrows off for no reason whatsoever in the hope that people will notice him. One advantage that Mikey does have, however, is that all the housemates are scared shitless of nominating him in case it makes them look like anti-blind bastards. Which they probably are, deep down. The bastards. Current Big Brother betting odds – 14/1

Rex – Look at that again. Rex is one of the favourites to win Big Brother. Arrogant, loaded, reality-deprived Rex. There must be some kind of mistake here. Sure, Rex survived a Big Brother eviction on Friday, but that’s not because he’s popular and charismatic – it’s because he’s not Jennifer. Robert Mugabe would have survived an eviction against Jennifer, for christ’s sake. However, you have to appreciate the irony – Rex seems so desperate to go home that he almost started crying when he wasn’t evicted last week, and the more depressed and frustrated he gets, the more people decide that he might win. Let’s hope that Rex has some kind of violent psychotic meltdown pretty soon, then – he’ll have the show in the bag. Current Big Brother betting odds – 10/1

Luke – How Luke manages to stay in the Big Brother betting odds top three is absolutely beyond us – the poor boy genuinely can’t do a thing right. Politically he’s aligning himself against Rex, Kat and Rachel – the three Big Brother housemates who are popular because they’ve got quite a lot of common sense – and romantically he’s sidling up to Rebecca. Rebecca! It’s just bizarre that someone who bitches and whines so often can still stand a chance of winning Big Brother. Maybe it’s his voice that everyone likes – Luke talks like a permanently startled character in a children’s novel, and they’ve historically always done very well in Big Brother. Current Big Brother betting odds – 15/2

Darnell – For a brief period of time last week Darnell was actually the favourite to win Big Brother. It’s no surprise, really – he’s consistently stood up for the little guy in a number of incidents, seems to have people’s best interests at heart for the most part and is just about disabled enough for it to be endearing. But Darnell needs to look out – lately he’s started to get a bit paranoid about power structures in the house and how well he might be doing with the viewers. Darnell’s easily excited, too, so there’s a very strong possibility that he might start unspooling all over the place in the next couple of weeks. Fingers crossed, anyway. Current Big Brother betting odds – 15/8

Kat – But however popular Darnell is, he’ll have a tough job trying to usurp Kat from her position at the top of the Big Brother betting odds. Her kooky, grinning, rainbow-coloured, cookie-fixated shtick is never going to get old, unless you’re one of the growing swathe of Big Brother housemates who she’s starting to infuriate, of course. Anyway, Kat’s no fool and she knows that she’s going to have to subvert the form a little to maintain her popularity – which is why, for a brief period last week, Kat decided to become a kooky, grinning, rainbow-coloured, cookie-fixated gonk with rubbish hair extensions. Genius. Current Big Brother betting odds – 7/4

Tomorrow – Big Brother betting odds for Friday’s eviction! But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to Paddy Power to see the full list of Big Brother betting odds.

We didn’t see either of those two coming – we wouldn’t have predicted Jennifer’s eviction despite her gigantic unpopularity, and even though the arrival of the three new housemates had been widely reported for ages all over the place, we just didn’t expect that either. What major surprise is next? Will Mario say something that’s kind of dickish? Who knows?

We’ll be discussing the new Big Brother housemates over the course of this week’s betting odds, so we’d better get going – here are the Big Brother betting odds for Rebecca, Lisa, Maysoon, Mohamed and Stuart, with help from Paddy Power…

Rebecca – Rebecca apparently considers herself to be an ‘exhibitionist’, which is a polite way of saying that she gets her tits out and shrieks a lot. But over the last week in the Big Brother house, Rebecca has tipped over from ‘exhibitionist’ to ‘flat-out shitbag’. She’s smashed stuff, she’s chopped up people’s clothes and she’s screamed abuse at anyone who’s happened to stumble into her line of sight – all in the slightly moronic belief that it’s entertaining. And it’s clearly worked, which is why Big Brother housemates and viewers alike are desperate to evict Rebecca at the first possible opportunity. Her inevitable eviction will be bittersweet, though – true, we won’t have to listen to her deafening squawking for an hour every day, but she’ll almost definitely have her norks out in Nuts within a fortnight. Yeesh. Current Big Brother betting odds – 80/1

Lisa – Why are Lisa’s Big Brother betting odds always so terrible? We honestly can’t understand it – more than anyone, Lisa is like the Big Brother mother figure this year, and nobody seems to dislike her. And yet for some reason she doesn’t stand a hope in hell of winning Big Brother. Why is this? Is it because we as a society are systematically rejecting matriarchs as a sort of subconscious response to the current economic climate? Or is it because she’s got giant hands and actually shaves her own face? Yeah, it’s probably that. Current Big Brother betting odds – 66/1

Maysoon – Disappointed. We were promised that one of the new Big Brother girls would be the star of a famous advert. We were absolutely certain that she’d be the little dead kid from the ‘If you hit me at 40mph’ road safety adverts, but no. Instead we got Maysoon, an exhausted-looking girl who’s apparently been in a Lynx advert. We don’t think we’ve seen that particular advert because we’re sure if we’d seen Maysoon we’d have sat bolt upright and declared “Goodness! What’s an unusually tired-looking girl like that doing in a commercial for schoolboy deodorant?” Anyway, everyone hates Maysoon because, in her Big Brother intro tape, she only talked about how pretty she was, which is a) not very clever and b) not very true. Current Big Brother betting odds – 50/1

Mohamed – When Big Brother housemates survive evictions, it tends to affect their self-confidence. Bolstered by the knowledge that people actually like them, they develop a kind of cocky bulletproof swagger. Not Mohamed though. Since he was saved from Big Brother eviction a week and a bit ago, Mohamed has slowly retreated into his shell, to the point where he literally hasn’t done a single thing of any worth for a day or two now. He might have his eye on new Australian Angelina Jolie Big Brother housemate, so it’ll be fun watching him get spectacularly shot to pieces, but other than that it looks as though Mohamed is settling in for a long stint at the head-down factory. Which should be fun. Current Big Brother betting odds – 40/1

Stuart – Forget threatening to kill fellow Big Brother housemates or spitting in their faces, if there’s one thing that Big Brother should remove housemates for it should be quoting John Lennon songs in a hamfisted effort to get into a girl’s knickers. It’s been scientifically proven that anyone who didn’t growl “Oh fuck off you bright orange dickwipe” when Stuart sighed “All you need is love: John Lennon” to Jennifer last week no longer qualifies as human. Stuart is clearly a prize bellend and he deserves some sort of superficial temporary mutilation for that alone, but we’re willing to forgive him if he starts to exclusively express himself via the medium of John Lennon song titles. And we might even vote for him if he manages to interrupt a conversation with an oversincere, pseudo-profound “Woman is the nigger of the world: John Lennon.” Current Big Brother betting odds – 33/1

Tomorrow: Big Brother betting odds for Dale, Sara, Belinda, Mario and Rachel. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to Paddy Power to see the full list of Big Brother betting odds.

And this year is a textbook example of that. Why? Because it usually takes a month to realise that everyone in the Big Brother house is a hugely disagreeable pooflap of the highest order.

Look at what’s going on now, for example. Darnell doesn’t like Rebecca; Rebecca doesn’t like Rachel and Kat; Jennifer doesn’t like Mohamed, Dale doesn’t like Mohamed, Dale doesn’t like Stuart, nobody at all likes Mario. And long may it continue, we say. Until they’re all dead, if that’s possible.

But someone has to win Big Brother, so who’s it going to be? Here are the Big Brother betting odds to win for Rex, Mario, Mohamed and Rebecca, with help from Paddy Power…

Rex – If ever there was an unlikely underdog, it’s Rex. He’s preposterously arrogant, employs servants at his house and owns a watch more expensive than any house you’ve ever lived in. By rights we should be calling for Rex to be strung up by his ankles and beaten. But for the simple fact that he’s getting utterly bullied by the rest of the Big Brother house – either by them voting to keep him in prison for longer than necessary, or by being ignored during the OK Go task, or by the way everyone violently ganged up on him when he barely smudged Jennifer’s piss-poor drawing last week – suddenly we find ourselves rooting for him. This’ll pass soon, obviously – not only because it’s hard for us to like someone so obnoxious for very long, but also because the rest of the Big Brother housemates are going to nominate him time and time and time again until he’s evicted. Current Big Brother betting odds – 25/1

Mario – But worse, far far far worse, than us involuntarily starting to like Rex is the thought that people might not be finding Mario as deeply disagreeable as they should. And, somewhat terrifyingly, it looks like that’s starting to happen. And, yes, it’s true that he was one of the few Big Brother housemates to stand up for Mohamed in the heat of his argument with everyone else, and that he’s starting to develop a clear sense of right and wrong, but come on! It’s still Mario! The same old Mario who struts around in his pants and sees himself as the defacto leader of the Big Brother house, even though he’s essentially a middle-aged bonehead with an opinion of himself that bears no relationship to his actual personality at all. Let’s not forget that, OK? Current Big Brother betting odds – 25/1

Mohamed – It’s clear that Mohamed doesn’t stand a hope in hell of winning Big Brother. Like Rex, all the other housemates are going to nominate him time and time again until he’s forced out of the Big Brother house – and perhaps that’s for the best. It’s becoming clear that Mohamed has alarmingly thin skin, you see, As well as his disturbing breakdown after being spat at by Dennis, Mohamed has also burst into uncontrollable sobbing fits in the Big Brother prison because he doesn’t think anyone likes him. That’s not anyone in the Big Brother house, you understand – he was talking about everyone in the whole world. Mohamed seems to be a little bit psychologically vulnerable, so maybe getting him out of the public eye would be a blessing. Current Big Brother betting odds – 16/1

Rebecca – The best proof that the atmosphere in the Big Brother house is sending everyone doolally isn’t all the fighting and spitting and removals, though. No, the best proof that everyone’s going crazy is that people are starting to fancy Rebecca. That’s terrifying and there should be some sort of medical intervention before things get really out of hand. Darnell’s had a crack at her, Luke’s making a number of sly advances for her… don’t these people know that token Big Brother fat girl never has a romantic interest? Weren’t they paying attention? By the way, we don’t think that it’s weird that people like Rebecca even though she’s fat. We think it’s weird because Rebecca looks like a fat version of Joss Stone. Current Big Brother betting odds – 16/1

Tomorrow – Big Brother betting odds for Rachel, Mikey, Luke, Darnell and Kat. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to Paddy Power to see the full list of Big Brother betting odds.

What’s been happening in the world of Big Brother so far? Well, new boy Stuart continues to make waves by looking a bit like a vinyl sex doll and getting Sylvia all sad because he doesn’t want to jam his tongue into her gob quite as much as she wants to with him.

Speaking of tongues – Mario and Lisa, stop it now. Just stop it. Watching you play Spin The Bottle recently was like watching a hungry dog gnaw the face off its dead owner. It’s horrible. Stop it.

Anyway, Mohamed and Sylvia are up for Big Brother eviction this week, but we’ll get to that in due time. Meanwhile, here are the Big Brother betting odds for Mohamed, Dale, Rex, Stuart and Rebecca, with help from Paddy Power…

Mohamed - First time we clapped eyes on Mohamed we assumed that he’d be the personality-strapped everyman who ends up in the final because nobody likes or dislikes him enough to remember him come nominations day, but how wrong we were.

Turns out that Mohamed is a cross-dressing wildcat responsible for one of Big Brother’s most controversial moments so far – when he wore something slightly feminine and Alex went batshit at him for it. Yeah, Mohamed’s a live one and no mistake. He’s one you either love, hate or, in this case, neither like or dislike enough to have an actual opinion either way. Current Big Brother betting odds – 33/1

Dale – Oh Dale, you’re so dreamy, what with your Disney eyes and just-lazy-enough beard and your hopelessly misogynistic attitudes to women. Why can’t all men be like you? Dale, you’ll remember from Big Brother day one, wants to ‘nail’ all the ‘fanny’ in the Big Brother house. However, confronted with the disgusting truth that the Big Brother fanny this year is either obese, worryingly masculine, shell-shocked from a civil war or attached to genuinely awful people, Dale has since decided to focus on Jennifer, the tenth-grade Cheryl Cole lookalike single mother. Trouble is, Jennifer’s an idiot and it looks like she’ll be evicted from Big Brother way before Dale. In fact, we should all gang up and evict all the women from Big Brother first this year, just to see the inevitable sight of Dale sitting by the pool masturbating and crying. Deal? Current Big Brother betting odds – 22/1

Rex – An an executive chef – whatever that means, making pies out of spreadsheets or something we think – Rex needs to be decisive and charismatic and authoritative. Or it means that he can be neither so long as daddy owns the restaurant. Which he does. That’s why Rex has made such a startlingly dull impression in the Big Brother house so far. This far into Big Brother, all we really know about Rex is that a) he’s named after any number of fictional dogs, b) he has a stupid monotone voice, and c) he’s ginger. What a monotone ginger dog-named tit. Current Big Brother betting odds – 18/1

Stuart – As Alex’s Big Brother replacement, Stuart needed to be the exact opposite of the removed housemate, and he more or less is. Where Alex was female, Stuart is male. Where Alex was a bit funny-looking, Stuart used to be a model. Where Alex was ferociously outspoken, Stuart looks as if he’s never had a single original thought in his entire life other than ‘mmmm, being me is so delicious‘. First impressions seem to be that Stuart is basically Dale with slightly longer eyelashes, and he’s already succeeded in turning the Big Brother females all moony. Maybe there’s more to Stuart than what’s on the surface, but we don’t want to break the surface in case we get squirted in the eye with liquid smug. Current Big Brother betting odds – 20/1

Rebecca - Big Brother lore dictates that every year there must be one fat girl from a small town who everyone can laugh at because they’re fat and think London is sexy and exotic instead of depressing and full of arseholes, and this year it’s Rebecca. However, there’s so much more to Rebecca than that. She screams! She’s abnormally fast to take her clothes off! She’s, um, fairly interesting when it comes to karaoke! She’s been in Big Brother jail! She’s… no, actually that’s about it. There is literally nothing to Rebecca other than those things. Will she win Big Brother? Do you care? Current Big Brother betting odds – 16/1

Tomorrow: Big Brother betting odds for Rachel, Darnell, Luke, Mikey and Kathreya. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to Paddy Power to see the full list of Big Brother betting odds.