It only seems like yesterday that we all rubbed our eyes in disbelief because Rebecca Romijn had let Jerry O’Connell have sex with her.

And now the fruits of their disgusting union have emerged. Rebecca Romijn has given birth to twin baby girls with names – Dolly Rebecca Rose and Charlie Tamara Tulip – that make them sound like high-powered corporate fairytale legal practices.

So our sincerest congratulations to Rebecca Romijn, Jerry O’Connell and their new sprogs. Although points have been deducted for the way it’s made us imagine what Jerry O’Connell’s sweaty sex face looks like. Really, there was no need for that.

By and large, all the news so far this year has been pretty miserable. War, economic failure, death, Clint Eastwood calling you a pussy – it’s comprehensively miserable stuff. But that’s nothing. It gets worse. Kangaroo Jack star Jerry O’Connell has managed to continue his DNA for yet another generation. We’re all doomed.

Or, if you want to be weird and think about this positively, Jerry O’Connell and Rebecca Romijn have just welcomed two beautiful twin girls into the world. No, urgh, that sounds horrible. We’ll stick with the ‘Jerry O’Connell corrupts humanity with his sperm’ line, thank you very much. Access Hollywood reports:

Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O’Connell have two new additions to the family. The couple welcomed twin girls just before the New Year, Access Hollywood has learned. “Rebecca gave birth on Dec. 28 to two healthy daughters, Dolly Rebecca Rose and Charlie Tamara Tulip,” a representative for the actress told Access. “Mother, father and both girls are all home and doing well,” the rep added.

Although the arrival of the twins doesn’t come as a surprise – back in July we reported that Rebecca Romijn was pregnant – the names that Romijn and O’Connell have picked for the babies suggests that Jerry O’Connell might still have some fond memories of his ex-girlfriend Geri Halliwell.

After all, Geri Halliwell pretty much invented the formula of giving babies humiliating flower-based names, and that’s something that Jerry O’Connell has ripped off wholesale by naming his twins Dolly Rebecca Rose and Charlie Tamara Tulip. Let’s hope this lingering rivalry between Geri and Jerry ends here, though – otherwise Geri Halliwell will be forced to think of a name even stupider than Dolly Rebecca Rose for her next baby, and we just don’t think her poor brain’s up to it.

But we’re getting off subject here. We should be focusing on Dolly Rebecca Rose and Charlie Tamara Tulip. Their lives are a completely open book, full of limitless potential and – given who their parents are – at least three rubbishy straight-to-DVD movies. Can’t wait.

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!

Like many people, we felt alienated by Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s announcement that they were expecting twins because they’re just so la-di-da and famous and whatnot.

What we needed was to hear that another celebrity couple were expecting twins, but only so long as they barely qualified as celebrities. Not household names, maybe slightly attractive but not critically praised for their jobs at all. Basically we were waiting for Jerry O’Connell and Rebecca Romijn to announce that they had twins on the way.

So hooray for today, because that’s exactly what has happened. Model and actress Rebecca Romijn has announced that she’s pregnant with twins fathered by Kangaroo Jack and Fat Slags star Jerry O’Connell. Here’s hoping that the twins have their mother’s eyes and their father’s… actually, no, let’s just cross our fingers and pray that the twins escape from the womb with none of Jerry O’Connell’s DNA whatsoever.

As documentaries such as The Shining, Double Impact and Mary-Kate And Ashley’s New York Minute have conclusively proved, twins are trouble. One minute they’re haunting corridors in abandoned hotels and the next they’re doing kung fu on Hong Kong crimelords. Only an idiot would want to have twins.

Step forward Jerry O’Connell. Now, we’re not saying that he’s an idiot, but remember that this is the man who read the Fat Slags movie script, was told that Geri Halliwell was his co-star, agreed to star in the Fat Slags movie and then slept with Geri Halliwell. It’s for you to decide whether he’s an idiot or not. But he is having twins with his wife Rebecca Romijn, remember that.

Oh, you know, Rebecca Romijn. She was a model. She was a minor character in the X-Men movies. She’s apparently in Ugly Betty. She’s probably done a small amount of other stuff that we can’t be bothered to look up. The way her name is spelled bears no semblance to the way it’s pronounced whatsoever. You know, Rebecca Romijn!

Anyway, long story short, Rebecca Romijn is pregnant. It’s twins. Woo. Reuters reports:

Actors Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O’Connell are expecting twins this winter, a spokesman for Romijn said on Monday. It will be the first delivery for the couple, who married in 2007.

Great. More famous(ish) people having twins. Wonderful. In a couple of years we’ll be able to see Jennifer Lopez’s twins and Angelina Jolie’s twins and Rebecca Romijn’s twins all walking around silently together and dressing identically and staring at people and freaking us out. We can’t wait for that. Honestly.

Yes, Jennifer Lopez’s twins and Angelina Jolie’s twins will be dressed identically even though they’re both boy/girl twins. We don’t make the rules.

Anyway, we’re sure that it hasn’t escaped the attention of Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O’Connell that if you have twins magazines are prepared to pay twice as much for exclusive rights to the baby photos than if just one baby is born. That means that Rebecca and Jerry are in for double the payday! They’ll get six scraps of food instead of three! Yay!