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Reality

Dancing With The Stars Shows That Americans Want David Hasselhoff To Die

by Mof Gimmers

People who were famous in the ’80s thrive on knowing that, despite falling out of favour with various television and record company executives, their hardcore fanbase still love them. These fans are what stop them from rigging a hose up to the exhaust and ending this cruel life. But what happens when those fans suddenly [...]

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Kourtney Kardashian Is Shoved Full Of Babies (Not Neccessarily Plural)

by Shawn Lindseth

What children need when coming into this world is stability, warmth, and most importantly, a great big butt to spill out of when the doctor comes a’callin’. After all, the the more exit room the less likely the baby is to realise that that’s exactly what a fart must feel like. In a world where [...]

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Dog The Bounty Hunter Elusively Avoids Several Bullets

by Shawn Lindseth

As anyone generally considered villainous or reprehensible will tell you, anytime they are in a bank vault with a money-stuffed laundry bag slung over their shoulder, the last thing they want to see is ‘the Orange Glow.’ ‘The Orange Glow’ is a criminal industry term for a streaked blur that swoops in and vanquishes all [...]

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Denise Richards: It’s Unemployment

by Stuart Heritage

The world is split into three: one group hates Denise Richards, one group likes Denise Richards and the other group doesn’t care if Denise Richards lives or dies.

Sadly, none of these groups watch Denise Richards: It’s Complicated. The group that likes her won’t watch it because they don’t like how she’s portrayed in it, the group that hates her won’t watch it because they hate her and the group that doesn’t care won’t watch it because ultimately they’re quite sensible. And that’s why Denise Richards: It’s Complicated is getting cancelled.

Personally we blame the title. Denise Richards: It’s Complicated is both vague and untrue. Denise Richards Exceeds The Most Negative Aspects Of Her Reputation While Simultaneously Doing Her Best To Prove The Opposite would have got the viewers flooding in. But, no, nobody ever listens to us.

The world is split into three: one group hates Denise Richards, one group likes Denise Richards and the other group doesn't care if Denise Richards lives or dies. Sadly, none of these groups watch Denise Richards: It's Complicated. The group that likes her won't watch it because they don't like how she's portrayed in it, the group that hates her won't watch it because they hate her and the group that doesn't care won't watch it because ultimately they're quite sensible. And that's why Denise Richards: It's Complicated is getting cancelled. Personally we blame the title. Denise Richards: It's Complicated is both vague and untrue. Denise Richards Exceeds The Most Negative Aspects Of Her Reputation While Simultaneously Doing Her Best To Prove The Opposite would have got the viewers flooding in. But, no, nobody ever listens to us.
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Britney Spears Never Learns Vol. 15: A Return to Reality TV

by Ian Dransfield

Why can’t Britney Spears just decide whether or not she’s actually getting better? There’s no punchline to that, by the way, it’s just a question. Maybe it’s because of her ridiculous legal fees, or maybe it has any other real reason behind it, but Britney Spears is reportedly in talks for another reality show for [...]

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Omarosa: We Still Don’t Really Know Who She Is

by Ian Dransfield

Being a nobody is sure to be hard work, especially in the wonderful world of celebrity where it’s a constant struggle to get noticed. To get noticed purely for being a no-talent twit with all the affability of a particularly itchy and prominently positioned boil, that is. We at the mighty hecklerspray wouldn’t know about [...]

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Gene Simmons Signs For The Worst TV Show Ever Made

by Stuart Heritage

As Gene Simmons’ old band Kiss once sang “I wanna rock and roll all night/ and judge creatively suspect reality TV shows every day!”

Prophetic lyrics indeed, because that’s now what Gene Simmons has found himself doing. But before we tell you exactly what creatively suspect reality TV show Gene Simmons has agreed to judge, we should warn you that it absolutely isn’t a joke – this show really is going to exist quite soon.

OK. Ready? Jingles. Advertising jingles. Gene Simmons from Kiss is going to judge a reality TV show about advertising jingles, where contestants have to write advertising jingles for various products and Gene Simmons judges the jingles and someone wins some cash. The show’s called Jingles, by the way, as opposed to its working title of What’s That In The Toilet? Oh, It’s Gene Simmons’ Career.

As Gene Simmons' old band Kiss once sang "I wanna rock and roll all night/ and judge creatively suspect reality TV shows every day!" Prophetic lyrics indeed, because that's now what Gene Simmons has found himself doing. But before we tell you exactly what creatively suspect reality TV show Gene Simmons has agreed to judge, we should warn you that it absolutely isn't a joke - this show really is going to exist quite soon. OK. Ready? Jingles. Advertising jingles. Gene Simmons from Kiss is going to judge a reality TV show about advertising jingles, where contestants have to write advertising jingles for various products and Gene Simmons judges the jingles and someone wins some cash. The show's called Jingles, by the way, as opposed to its working title of What's That In The Toilet? Oh, It's Gene Simmons' Career.
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Denise Richards’ Neighbours Despise Her And Her Fancy TV Cameras

by Shawn Lindseth

Several years ago hecklerspray was gifted a beautiful video camera from a nice Japanese tourist that was afraid to chase us into a hazardous construction zone. It was a nice camera too. It had an on and off button, a lens cap attached by a string, and as of 15 minutes after we got it [...]

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Ashley Dupré To Get Her Own Trollopish Reality TV Show

by Stuart Heritage

Ashley Dupré doesn’t just get to have tawdry, regret-filled sex with every ugly old man that offers her cash any more, as if that wasn’t enough.

No, now Ashley Dupré gets to be on TV because of it as well, the lucky cow. Although up until now she was most famous for being the high-end prostitute who had sex with New York Governor Eliot Spitzer until he had to resign because of it, Ashley Dupré is apparently in talks to star in her own reality TV show.

Honestly, she is. As yet nobody seems to know if Ashley Dupré will star in a Simple Life-style fly-on-the-wall reality TV show or a Tila Tequila-style dating show, but at the moment the latter seems to be out in front. Quite right too, because that’s the only way that they’ll ever get to use the title Ashley Dupré: Who Wants Me To Kiss Them With The Same Mouth I Recently Had Wrapped Around A Bald Old Man’s Penis For Cash?

Ashley Dupré doesn't just get to have tawdry, regret-filled sex with every ugly old man that offers her cash any more, as if that wasn't enough. No, now Ashley Dupré gets to be on TV because of it as well, the lucky cow. Although up until now she was most famous for being the high-end prostitute who had sex with New York Governor Eliot Spitzer until he had to resign because of it, Ashley Dupré is apparently in talks to star in her own reality TV show. Honestly, she is. As yet nobody seems to know if Ashley Dupré will star in a Simple Life-style fly-on-the-wall reality TV show or a Tila Tequila-style dating show, but at the moment the latter seems to be out in front. Quite right too, because that's the only way that they'll ever get to use the title Ashley Dupré: Who Wants Me To Kiss Them With The Same Mouth I Recently Had Wrapped Around A Bald Old Man's Penis For Cash?
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Lindsay Lohan’s Dad Not A Huge Fan Of Ex-Wife’s Reality Show

by Stuart Heritage

As an absentee father and ex-convict, Lindsay Lohan’s father Michael Lohan doesn’t get to take the moral high ground all that often.

But sometimes it happens, and it sure is sweet when it does. For instance, now that his ex-wife Dina Lohan can be seen distastefully pimping out her 14-year-old daughter Ali for cash in the reality TV show Living Lohan every week, Michael has voiced his concerns about the exploitation and hypocrisy on show in a new blog specifically about Living Lohan on OK! magazine’s website.

Slagging off your ex-wife and teenage daughter in public for a fee? That certainly sounds like the moral high ground to us. Michael Lohan, you truly are an inspiration to us all.

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