Posts tagged as:
You may not be able to put a face to the name Ryan O’Neal without looking at his picture, right. However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t read this article. That’s because O’Neal is a monumentally fucked-up man, and you love a bit of that, right? Scum.
See, Ryan was famously the partner of Farrah Fawcett… and well, he’s been addicted to meth and, according to his daughter, he keeps trying to have sex with his children.
That’s got your attention hasn’t it?
Michael McIntyre, a man that seemingly no stand-up comedian likes because he’s not edgy enough and became incredibly famous in a very short period of time, is clearly seeing off the competition before they get a foothold on the comedy ladder.
McIntyre, who is starring on the panel of judges on the new Britain’s Got Talent series, managed to make a nine-year-old boy cry all over his tiny face during auditions for the show.
And now, amusingly, McIntyre is hoping that the footage of him being needlessly nasty to a pre-pubescent child won’t be aired. Thankfully, we’re here to report on it and don’t worry – we’re storing this information to use against him repeatedly. He’s now Michael ‘The Big Dirty Child Botherer’ McIntyre in our heads.
Right, can we all just accept that Sarah Palin is probably going to be the next American president, please?
No, we don’t like it either. But let’s just brace ourselves for the worst, OK? That way, when Sarah Palin does become president it won’t be a shock, like dying of a heart attack; it’ll be something that we’ve all planned for, like dying of an inoperable brain tumour.
Why are we so sure that Sarah Palin is going to end up as president? Because it looks like she’s going to get a reality TV show made about her life, that’s why. And there’s no fighting back against marketing that powerful. Not unless Barack Obama strikes back fast with The Mr President Laffstravaganza Variety Hour. Which he should. Do what’s in your heart, Mr President.
Generally speaking there are only a few places we really don’t want to ever see overweight people: Going anywhere wearing our pants, suspended above us descending in a parachute, or full-frenzied inside a sneeze guard with their sneakered feet perched in the sliced tomatoes.
Anywhere else, though, and we’ll take them. That’s because we love the heavy, and always want to know everything about them. For instance, do they fall in love? Probably not. But if they do we’ll all get to see on Fox’s new show – billed as The Bachelor for fat guys, which we actually find quite rude.
Just because Sharon Osbourne’s face looks more and more like a novelty eraser shaped like a pineapple, you shouldn’t mess with her.
No, really, you shouldn’t mess with Sharon Osbourne. And you shouldn’t not mess with Sharon Osbourne, either. Because if you mess with Sharon Osbourne – or don’t mess with Sharon Osbourne – then you’ll end up getting attacked by her. Or not getting attacked by her.
Vague enough? Good. Because Sharon Osbourne is being investigated by police after allegedly attacking a reality TV show contestant who may or may not called Ozzy Osbourne ‘braindead’. We hope that clears things up.
Remember when MTV used to be remotely hip, cutting edge and worth watching?
The very same days when it used to play the occasional music video as well. Times have now changed and seemingly anyone that’s been in the papers is getting their own show on the once-credible network.
In the past, viewers have had to endure washed up pop star Lisa Scott Lee and her crap attempt at trying to get a song into the charts. Even the human car crash that is Kerry Katona has given us a warts-and-all show, literally, to give an insight into the life of a fame-hungry, media-seeking bint, who also happens to be another failed musician. If you can call her that. And lest we forget Tila Tequila, social crusader.
He may not be a singer of any kind, but Calum Best has pointlessly been baptised into the celebrity world. His dad was a footballer, you know. And a chap with a passion for alcohol, so much so it broke his liver. So, simply because he came from Best Snr’s semen, young Calum automatically becomes famous… ?
