Usher really must have thought he had it all going for him.

He had a multi multi multi million selling album, a wife (eventually, a few times), a child with his name and some hats. Things were looking rosy for the dancing pop prat.

Then he brought out a new album, ‘Here I Stand’, and – compared to his last one, ‘Confessions’, at least – it flopped something rotten. While still selling just under a million copies to date, this is considered a failure by both Usher and, more likely, his record label.

So what’s the solution when you’re known around the world, popular, good looking and – apparently – talented?

Why – sack your management and go running to your mum. Obviously. Which is exactly what Raymond has gone and done, re-employing the mother he sacked just over a year ago as a part of his throwing his toys out of the pram reaction to not selling enough records.

Aww, bless him.

Instead of doing what any self-respecting person would do on realising a failure – acknowledge it, shoulder the blame and move on having learned something – it would seem that Usher believes he couldn’t possibly be at fault for his record not selling too well. Not that we’d sniff at 1,000,000 sales for hecklerspray: The Record, it’s just it seems that that many copies doesn’t count as ‘too well’.

Regardless, instead of realising that maybe he was just something of a R&B flash in the pan – a nobody in a sea full of nobodies – some pretty big changes have been made.

Splitting from his management arrangement with Benny Medina, manager of such incredible acts as Mariah Carey and cancelling his arrangement with W&W Public Relations, Usher has gone full circle back to his dear old mama, Jonetta Patton. As the statement from his LaFace/Zomba label… stated:

“[Usher] has dissolved his management arrangement with Benny Medina and has re-engaged (his mother) Jonnetta Patton as his manager.”

Well at least it makes sense – who can talk up a person better than your own mother? And who’s better at arranging to do things for you than your own mother? Plus he’s sure to always look good on public appearances, and she’ll hopefully make sure that he doesn’t forget where he is again, thus making him look like less of a complete dick.

She’s also sure to keep him on the straight and narrow, avoiding the temptation wherever his dancing penis may take him. Though as a result of this, he may inadvertently create more lesbians – lord knows Usher is knowledgeable on their kind.

What we really hope will come from all this though is the overwhelming realisation that’s sure to hit Usher right in his big smug face. When he sees that re-hiring his mother has no effect on his floundering sales and he thinks, just for a second, that maybe he isn’t all that good. He sees for the first time in his life that people were only ever slightly entertained by him because he could dance like a twit while going “YEAH!” every second or so of a song.

But he’s sure to find comfort in his collection of hats. As long as he doesn’t go driving in them.