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When 50 Cent released an album called ‘Get Rich Or Die Tryin”, no-one really suspected that what he actually meant was, at some point, he’d get so bored of being a rapper that he’d just give up living.
We’re not talking about suicide here, rather, just the complete lack of will to stay alive. He’s got rich, now he’s not bothered about breathing anymore.
And 2012 has seen Fiddy talking about just that. He just wants to stop everything. He’s had enough.
In the UK, the only real battle we have is between “Team Peter” and “Team Katie.” Whilst they’re both like persistant scabs who scar the celebrity landscape, people are genuinely torn between who they prefer. Do you go for the ex-tit model or a bloke who is so fame hungry, that he went back into the “I’m A Celebrity” Jungle of Obscurity?
Over in America, there are loads of couples who frequently split up once they’ve bagged the cash for the wedding tie-in photos or TV special. Ain’t that right Kim Kardashian? Occasionally though, a celeb breakup can be real and quite literally messy as Rihanna found out when human Muppet impersonator Chris Brown splattered her pretty face across the inside of his car with his fists.
Hey gays! How are you? Sat their being all gay, poking at stuff with your gay hands? Good. Don’t think that we’re using your gaydom as some kind of comedic device. We’re not. We’re just saying you’re gay. Okay?
We write that disclaimer because some people can be a little jumpy when they’re mentioned. It might be through a comment on your sexuality or your chosen job. Whatever, it might make your eyes widen and spine stiffen.
So what do you make of T.I. saying that some homosexuals aren’t proper Americans? Does it get your dander up?
Big tough guy 50 Cent quit alcohol for life after becoming ‘paranoid’ during one bad experience, or so he says. We think that’s what he said. Have you heard him talk? He sounds like a deaf tractor engine when he raps.
Of course, Fiddy spent years as a drug dealer before finding fame and fortune as a rapper, but alas, he admits that he’s never been one to indulge in drugs or drink.
Because he’s a soft-git and had a bad experience. And we know exactly what happened.
50 Cent is an astonishing man. He’s the one who opened the door for ‘deaf rap’. No, not ‘def’. We mean ‘hard of hearing’ because, if you listen to his style, he sounds like he’s got a sock for a tongue. This paved the way for many, many tone deaf rappers.
If your skills and flow are severely limited, then the best thing to do is to court controversy.
And that is exactly what 50 Cent is doing as he’s saying he won’t release another album on Interscope and also threatening to leak Dr. Dre’s new single ‘Psycho’. And grow a proper tongue.
Former G-Unit rapper Young Buck (pictured right) has pleaded not guilty on counts of gun possession in a Tennessee court. Unfortunately, 50 “Fifty” Cent’s former protegé was left standing outside the court house for a full five hours as no-one in the court had any idea who he was.
You might be sitting there saying “well, I believe him”. Perhaps you’re a Justin Bieber fan and are sitting saying “I belieb him”.
At the risk of being in contempt of court in another country, the $300,000 in unpaid taxes that Young Buck is apparently too idiotic to skip the country for, should suggest that he might be just too stupid or too callous to think that having an illegal, unregistered pistol in his house might be frowned upon by the law.
News likely to shock anyone with eyes, a brain, at least an ear and possibly a face just in! Love child scandal! Fiasco! Controversy! Other shocking words to grab attention!
For it seems that those who are fit to make claims – i.e. the British tabloids – are doing just that, in claiming that Michael Jackson has an illicit love-baby who is now a full-man.
Yes, a full-man named Omer Bhatti, who also happens to be a Norwegian rapper.
Well that’s it settled then – if he’s a Norwegian rapper he has to be Michael Jackson‘s illegitimate, product-of-a-one-night-stand son.
Warning – there’s a strong likelihood that this story will send you into a dizzying seizure that you’ll never recover from.
Ready? OK – Joaquin Phoenix is going to become a rapper. Wait, because it gets worse. Joaquin Phoenix is going to become a rapper and Casey Affleck is making a documentary about it. Wait, though, because it gets worse.
The reason why Casey Affleck is directing a documentary about Joaquin Phoenix becoming a rapper is because Diddy has decided to teach him how to rap. We dare you to think of a worse idea than that. You’ve got all day.
