rap - HecklerSpray

Pitbull Vs Flo Rida: Who Sucks Less?

February 16th, 2013 By Daniel Dockery

It's tough to find good, independent music these days. We live in an era where everything is processed and filtered and we give Grammy?s to the faces that promote the songs instead of the robots that worked hard on them.

That's why we're lucky to have rappers like Pitbull and Flo Rida, two men who bring honesty and truth to their music, who aren't just in it for the pay check, but in it for the love. However, there can only be one king among men.

Who?s a better rapper, Mr. Worldwide or The Only One Rida? Let's compare their strengths and weaknesses and find out.

Snoop Dogg To Make Reggae Album Which Might Just Contain A Few Weed References

March 29th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Snoop Dogg likes to smoke a little of that sticky icky icky. We know this because he talks about almost nothing else. Remarkably, he hasn’t proclaimed a fondness for reggae yet, so the rapper has decided to create yet another ode to weed by announcing that he’s making a reggae LP with?Diplo.

Yes, really.

It’ll be all blunts-this, chong-that… light-’em-up and gorging on as many packets of 10p crisps at the 24 hour garage as he can.

Tulisa Runs Away To USA Where They Don’t Have The Internet Or Sarcasm

March 29th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Leave it! Two two’s naaah! Tulisa Contostavlos is fleeing the UK to hide away in the US after being repeatedly mocked over her sex tape with MC Ultra. Mainly because she doesn’t appear to be very good at giving gobbles.

The X Factor judge is planning to escape by heading to Miami to visit ?Terius Nash (or, The-Dream to you) who clearly doesn’t have the clout to be sarcastic about her sex tape and indeed, mustn’t have an internet connection like the rest of America.

So what’s The Female Boss (Female Nosh more like) saying about it all?

Rihanna Wants To Show You Her Underboob, Leaving Us All Very Weary [NSFW]

August 14th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Rihanna. She likes sex. We geddit. She really, really likes sex. Talking about sex. She likes that too. And having sex. In a bed. With no clothes on. And getting her boobies out.

Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex.

Say it over and over out loud, and soon the word loses all meaning and breaks down, sounding like suh-eh-ck-ss or some other utter nonsense. However, that doesn’t stop Rihanna from ramming her sexual self down everyone’s throats until only the simple and pimpled remain caring. And now, we have some pictures of Rihanna with very few clothes on indeed… and y’know something? We’re really quite bored now.

HecklerPlay: Musicians, Famous For The Wrong Reasons

August 4th, 2012 By Si Sharp

On this week in 2000, Yusuf Islam (previously known as Cat Stevens) joined the campaign to fight the government?s repeal of Section 28.?Section 28 was the ban on homosexuality being ?promoted? in schools. By ?promoted?, what it really meant was ?being told that it existed?.

Those that sought to keep Section 28 thought that it was an essential piece of legislation that was all that stood between the bottoms of our innocent schoolchildren and a queue of 2000 predatory gays with unquenchable erections, such is the uniquely paranoid perspective of the bigoted mind.

Luckily the Section 28 thing has been forgotten and despite his high-profile religious conversion he is still mainly famous for writing some pretty ditties. Other tunesmiths have not been so lucky though and have become better known for other, similarly embarrassing behaviour.*

N-Dubz Fazer Incoherently Vomits Into Twitter Concerning Tulisa Sex Tape

May 31st, 2013 By Mof Gimmers

We’ve all seen the ALLEGED Tulisa sextape by now, haven’t we? If you have she’s ALLEGEDLY not very good at blow-jobs. And she ALLEGEDLY likes hitting herself on her ALLEGED forehead with a penis.

Anyway, it’s all gone a bit mental and injunctions have been taken out, Dappy has said it was definitely her in the video and that it was bandmate Fazer who had his widger on show.

So what does Fazer have to say about it? Well, in a baffling missive, Fazer has vented on twitter in such a manner that he may well have been typing with his cockie.

Obligatory Mention Of Tulisa’s Sex Tape

May 31st, 2013 By Mof Gimmers

So, Tulisa has a sex tape does she? Of course, lawyers are saying it isn’t her (although the video contains someone with the exact same DNA as the X Factor judge, it seems) and everyone is hastily taking down stills from the video.

That’d be the video which has Tulisa’s dead-ringer sucking what appears to be (actually is) an engorged male member. Apparently, the phallus whacks her on the forehead at one point, which is always nice.

But of course, legally speaking, it isn’t her… despite what Dappy – her bandmate and cousin – said on twitter, dropping her right in it. Just think of that. Watching your cousin’s sex tape. How very, very tasteful.

Rihanna Says Chris Brown Collaboration ‘Made Sense’ Even Though It Massively Didn’t

March 16th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

So, your ex beat the living shit out of you on the way to an awards ceremony. Just imagine. It’d take a helluva lot to forgive him right? Not if you’re Rihanna clearly. In fact, in the case of Rihanna and Chris Brown, no explanation is needed at all.

Even though the police report of the incident is one of the more harrowing things we’ve featured on these pages, it would appear we’re all just supposed to gloss over it. Everything is fine.

But that didn’t happen did it? Especially given that RiRi and Breezy (what is it with these infantile nicknames all the celebs have at the minute?) collaborated on some tunes recently. The closest thing we’re going to get to an explanation is Rihanna’s infuriating comments made this week.

Begin The Self-Harming! N-Dubz Have Split!

March 16th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Oh god, all of our worst fears have come true. Worse than being trapped in a lift with Kris Akabusi and Ainsley Harriot… worse than watching a sex tape with James Blunt… N Dubz have split up.

We’re uncontrollably upset. This is grade-A grieving. Snot bubbles, sticking heads in the oven, scratching the eyes out of photographs uproarious sorrow.

And how did we find it out? Why, through the portal of sin, Twitter. And once again, Tulisa was the one doing all the talking.

HecklerPlay: Top 10 Songs About Masturbation

August 4th, 2012 By Si Sharp

Musicians think about sex a lot.?They must do, it's almost the only thing they write about. Popstars live to defile their young screaming fans. Rockers know they've made it when there are aspiring muses knocking on the dressing room door.

Hip-hop has a frankly terrifying capacity for the horn.

Frankly it's a miracle they get any work done at all with heads overflowing with images of baps, flaps and todgers. In fact such is the unstoppable high-pressure filth fawcet in their addled brains that doing it with others doesn't fill their schedules and sometimes they combine their libidinous obsessions with their other favourite pastime- loving themselves.