Michael Jackson’s dream is over – well, not the terrifying dream where his face slowly atrophies, that one’s still going strong.

We’re talking about the dream where Michael Jackson grows old surrounded by the luxury of his Neverland ranch. It’s been revealed that Michael Jackson has finally lost Neverland, and has signed the house and grounds over to a corporation – presumably a corporation that specialises in finding suitably creepy real estate for frightening comicbook supervillians.

And, in a sense, that’s what has happened. The corporation that Michael Jackson has signed Neverland over to is part owned by… Michael Jackson. So, in a sense, what that means is – oh, look, who are we kidding? This is so confusing, it’d take a month to get to the bottom of it. God, Michael Jackson was so much easier to understand when everyone thought he molested children.

For people like us – normal, hardworking millionaires who dream about living in giant shadow-filled dilapidated ranches that come complete with abandoned fairgrounds so utterly unsettling that they may as well be Nosferatu movie sets – these last couple of years have been hard.

All we’ve wanted to do is buy Neverland from Michael Jackson. As well as being so shitpant scary to live in that we’d never be able to sleep again, buying Neverland would have also been a sound investment – the eBay revenue alone from all the empty Jesus Juice bottles, scabbed-up lakes of giraffe blood and vials full of a general creeping stench of decay would have paid back the cost of the ranch several times over.

But it wasn’t to be. Although Michael Jackson apparently tried to sell Neverland to the Beckhams at one point due to the massive debts it was running up, lately he’s been fighting as hard as possible to keep it. Every time he almost lost Neverland for falling behind on the mortgage, Michael Jackson managed to scoop a vast, hopelessly convoluted deal out of the bag at the last minute to save it.

However, not even Michael Jackson could keep up with these brainfrying financial blackflips for long, and now it looks as though he’s finally lost Neverland forever. Michael Jackson has signed Neverland over to, well, himself. Don’t worry, we’re confused too. But The New York Times knows what’s going on:

On Monday Mr. Jackson filed a grant deed that transferred ownership of the property to the Sycamore Valley Ranch Company. According to the report the company is a joint venture between Mr. Jackson and Colony Capital, the real-estate investment company owned by Tom Barrack, which purchased Mr. Jackson’s debt in May when he defaulted on a $24.5 million mortgage on the ranch.

See? It’s simple. Michael Jackson couldn’t pay the mortgage on Neverland, so he sold his debt to an investment company, and then started a new company with the investment company, and then signed Neverland to that company. What could possibly be simpler than that?

Basically, that means that the new owner of Michael Jackson’s Neverland is Michael Jackson. Unless it isn’t. Which it might not be. Clear?

No, we’re still lost too, to be honest. But hopefully – regardless of who owns it now – getting rid of Neverland will be able to save Michael Jackson a gigantic sum of money. Maybe even enough to get his face looked at by a proper doctor. Seriously, that thing gives us the heebie jeebies.

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!

You there! Need a creepy set for your latest horror movie? Don't cry when you walk around abandoned zoos? Quite a lot richer than you have any reason to be?

Well we have just the property for you! Unless Michael Jackson ponies up $24 million in the next couple of weeks, his long cherished Neverland ranch will be going up for public auction.

That's right – there's nothing stopping you buying Michael Jackson's Neverland ranch. Apart from, you know, your chronic lack of money and that legally-disproved sensation you have in the pit of your stomach that a teenage cancer victim might have been wanked off there a lot. 

Admit, as a child you looked at Michael Jackson's Neverland ranch with envy. You wanted what Michael Jackson had – a gigantic creepy shrine to your lost childhood best known for being the centre of several disturbing child abuse allegations. 

Well envy no more, because Michael Jackson has apparently defaulted on his Neverland property loan to such an extent that the ranch will be put up for public auction on March 19 if he doesn't stump up $24 million first. And that means that you're in the perfect position to take Neverland off his hands at a dramatically reduced rate, as E! Online reports:

A San Francisco-based title company said Tuesday that the 2,500-acre property in Los Olivos, California, might be sold at a public auction scheduled for Mar. 19 unless the financially beleaguered singer can come up with $24 million he still owes on the estate… Per court documents obtained by Fox News, the auction would really bleed the property dry. It would include not just the grounds and buildings on the property, but all of the furnishings, appliances and various child-friendly accoutrements Jackson has added over the years, including "all merry-go-round type devices." 

It's not really a surprise that Michael Jackson might lose Neverland – he hasn't lived there since he was cleared of those child abuse charges, for a start, plus he's subsequently got in trouble for not paying his staff and splashing about in pools of giraffe blood. And he even tried selling Neverland to the Beckhams, which is pretty much the dictionary definition of desperate.

But let's assume that Michael Jackson isn't able to find the money to keep his lenders at bay and Neverland does reach public auction. Just imagine what a giddy time you'd have as its new owner – you could have as many moonlit rides on the merry-go-round as you could stand before getting creeped out and running indoors to claw at your own flesh in the shower. You could be the first star of the new TV show Lifestyles Of The Rich And Unnaturally Obsessed With Childhood.

Heck, you might even find the odd bottle of Jesus Juice laying around if you look hard enough.

Plus, let's not forget that the global market crash means that you should be able to pick up Michael Jackson's Neverland ranch for a song. Honestly, lying stock-still at night wide-awake because of the constant involuntary shuddering you get from living in Michael Jackson's old house has never been so affordable.

Read more:

Block Party for Jacko's Neverland? – E! Online