Articles tagged with: Raffaello Follieri
Three weeks ago Anne Hathaway's ex-boyfriend Raffaello Follieri was sent to jail for defrauding strangers out of their savings. And get this - he's not enjoying it. Apparently the prison service didn't get Raffaello Follieri's memo about the goose-feather pillows, double-quilted toilet roll or how he wanted a cell with a veranda overlooking the lake and, well, he's thrown a bit of a strop about it. According to reports, Raffaello Follieri has already requested to move jails because the one he's in is unsanitary and he's got blood in his urine. We don't know exactly how Raffaello got blood in his urine, but since he's sharing a windowless dormitory with 120 criminals and he looks exactly like the gruesome lovechild of Piers Morgan and Zach Braff, we'd probably guess that he's been beaten up a bit.
If any of you happen to be offered a suspiciously cheap piece of Catholic property by a man with a funny accent, don't hesitate to buy it. Seriously, buy it. It's definitely legit. The only funny-accented man to ever defraud strangers with dodgy property deals spuriously linked to the Catholic church - Anne Hathaway's ex-boyfriend Raffaello Follieri - has just been thrown in jail for four and a half years. This is wonderful news for two reasons. Not only is Raffaello Follieri being punished for his crimes, but we all know that nature hates a vacuum. All we need to do is buy a phony bishop outfit, adopt a ludicrous continental European accent and con some idiots out of millions of dollars and we're almost completely certain that we'll have Anne Hathaway licking the side of our face by Halloween.
OK, we take it all back, we never want to be Anne Hathaway's boyfriend - it turns out that you have to actually rob God to keep up with her. Just look at poor old Raffaello Follieri. He faces four years in jail for a litany of wire fraud offences stemming from his fraudulent claims to be close to the Vatican, but none of it is his fault. In fact, if you want to blame anyone you should point the finger at people like his moviestar ex-girlfriend Anne Hathaway. According to Raffaello Follieri's lawyer, he only start conning people out of their savings to keep up with the lavish lifestyle that celebrities like Anne Hathaway lead. And there isn't a single reason why we shouldn't believe him, except that Raffaello Follieri is a convicted conman and Anne Hathaway has perfect skin and dreamy eyes that you could drown in. Oh screw it, we're going on the rob as well. Hathaway must be ours!
You know, people only write diaries because they subconsciously want them to be read by federal agents investigating major fraud. So, bearing that in mind, Anne Hathaway is the luckiest girl around at the moment. Not only does Anne Hathaway keep a diary, but her ex-boyfriend is in custody for massive wire fraud and money laundering. That means - you guessed it - Anne Hathaway's diaries have been seized by the FBI as evidence! Score! The implications of this are gigantic - if these diaries aren't carefully protected then Anne Hathaway's deepest personal secrets could be made horribly public. We may soon learn of Anne's fears, her opinions on her co-stars or even that secret crush she's been nursing for the dashing editor of a British entertainment blog lately.
Anne Hathaway has it all - a glittering movie career, a winning personality and a face that's just very slightly too big for her skull.
But there's one thing that Anne Hathaway doesn't have any more, and that's a millionaire Italian boyfriend who's been arrested for possibly telling lies about being pals with the Pope to trick other stupid millionaires into giving him truckloads of cash. She hasn't even got one of those. What an idiot.
Anyway, it seems as if Anne Hathaway bailed from her relationship with Raffaello Follieri right before he was arrested by the FBI and locked up on a $21 million bail. A lucky escape?
Not according to some friends of Follieri, who are now claiming that Anne Hathaway was the person who ratted him out to the FBI in the first place. Exciting, huh? Just imagine how much more exciting it'd be if a) we knew who Raffaello Follieri was and b) we gave a toss about Anne Hathaway.
