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Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Can Rachel Stevens Win?

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

So this is it – the last Strictly Come Dancing recap of 2008. And what a ride it’s been.

This season of Strictly Come Dancing has had everything – shock resignations, judge in-fighting, humiliatingly credibility-obliterating phone vote cock-ups and, um, Gillian Taylforth. And that’s literally it. We’ll miss you Strictly Come Dancing. Or at least we would if Dancing On Ice wasn’t starting in about a bloody fortnight. Sheesh.

So, can Rachel Stevens win the Strictly Come Dancing final? Here’s her recap…

Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Rachel Stevens

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

It’s time for the last Strictly Come Dancing recap before Saturday’s exciting semi-final. Well, Saturday’s semi-final.

Oh, who are we kidding, of course the Strictly Come Dancing semi-final is going to be exciting. There’ll be thrills, there’ll be spills and – now that Austin Healey isn’t part of the show any more – there won’t be any little midgets screaming “OLE!” all the time. That qualifies as exciting, right? Yes?

Here’s the Strictly Come Dancing recap for Rachel Stevens…

Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Christine Bleakley Mooches Off

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Strictly Come Dancing is going down to the wire now, and only the best dancers can survive. Christine Bleakley, for those of you who have joined the party late, wasn’t one of the best dancers.

Some will blame Christine’s lack of technical ability for her Strictly Come Dancing exit last night. Some will blame the frightening Meatloaf haircut she sported during her first dance of the night. Us? We’re pinning Christine’s failure solely on the fact that she hired Felicity Kendal as an acting coach this week. Felicity blinking Kendal. Oh, if only her dances were about short muddy women from the 1970s, yesterday’s result could have been so very different.

But still, Christine Bleakley is out of Strictly Come Dancing, so who’ll win? Here’s the Strictly Come Dancing recap for Rachel Stevens…

Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Rachel Stevens & Austin Healey

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Time for our last Strictly Come Dancing recap of the week. But don’t be sad – we’ll be back again. And again. And again. Like a recurring nightmare in many ways.

This Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing is going to be one of the hardest-fought yet, and we can’t wait. Mainly it’s because Lisa Snowdon will probably get voted into the dance-off again and she’ll cry, and we get off on watching broken women. Seriously. We do. We’re not joking. We actually do.

Anyway, here are the Strictly Come Dancing recaps for Rachel Stevens and Austin Healey…

Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Rachel Stevens

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Strictly Come Dancing recaps? Yes. Here. What of it?

You know, we’ve been thinking. Why doesn’t a respected man like John Sergeant admit that enough’s enough and his continued progress through Strictly Come Dancing is hurting more talented dancers? And now we know – it’s only Strictly Come Dancing that’s stopping him being a full-time Dave employee. No wonder he looks so desperate.

Anyway, here’s the Strictly Come Dancing recap for Rachel Stevens…

Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Christine Bleakley & Rachel Stevens

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Time for our last Strictly Come Dancing recap of the week – but don’t be sad, because we’ll be back next week. And the week after. And the week after that. Forever, basically.

This Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing should prove to be an exciting one, because it seems as if all the dancers will be performing whatever dances they like again. We hear that Tom Chambers is doing a Quickstep, Cherie Lunghi‘s dancing a Waltz and John Sergeant is going to do the exact same dance as always and still get through anyway because of his lovely big fat face.

Anyway, here are the Strictly Come Dancing recaps for Christine Bleakley and Rachel Stevens…

Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Sergeant, Stevens, Kidd

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Here we are, the last of our Strictly Come Dancing recaps for the week. Exciting, huh?

Not as exciting as this Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing, because this week each of the celebrities will be doing a different dance. Lisa Snowdon‘s going to do a Tango, Christine Bleakley‘s going to do an American Smooth and rumour has it that Andrew Castle‘s going to do an epileptic fit. Seriously, watch it on Saturday and you’ll see.

But now, here are the Strictly Come Dancing recaps for John Sergeant, Rachel Stevens and Jodie Kidd…

Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Don Warrington Waddles Off

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Last night Don Warrington became what we’re assuming to be the millionth contestant to leave Strictly Come Dancing this year.

We know why, of course. Don’s secret weapon in Strictly Come Dancing was his face – he only danced well when he was pulling an expression like a naked midget with excessive bodyhair was trying to jab a poo-covered stick up one of his nostrils. But since he was dancing an American Smooth to Can’t Smile Without You on Saturday, Don had to trade in his repulsed glower for something a bit more civilised. And that’s where it all fell apart.

So with Don Warrington out of Strictly Come Dancing, who’s going to win? Here’s part one of our Strictly Come Dancing recap for the week, for Rachel Stevens, Lisa Snowdon and Heather Small…

Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Lisa Snowden & Rachel Stevens

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

This is our last set of Strictly Come Dancing recaps before Saturday’s show, and the thought of it alone is making us giddy. Or nauseous. We’ve lost the ability to tell.

You see, on Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing, the boys and the girls are going to be intermingled for the first time this series. It’s going to be too much to bear – Jodie Kidd one minute, that bloke of the Kenco adverts the next minute, the one out of S Club 7 the minute after and then the man from GMTV who looks like he’s been carved out of a single block of balsa wood the next. On Saturday, Strictly Come Dancing will literally become a show about dancing.

But before that, here’s the final Strictly Come Dancing recap from last Saturday’s show, for Lisa Snowdon and Rachel Stevens…

Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Heather Small & Rachel Stevens

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Ready for some more recaps of Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing? You’ve come to the right place. We’re presuming you just answered ‘yes’ to that, by the way.

Of course, these recaps are just a warm-up for Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing, when all the male celebrities get to take another turn at destroying their masculinity in a procession of frilly blouses and sparkly shoes while trying not to stare at their partner’s cleavage because they know their wife’s in the audience. Wholesome.

Anyway, cracking on with the Strictly Come Dancing recap, here’s what we made of Heather Small and Rachel Stevens…