Dwayne Johnson a.k.a. The Rock a.k.a. The Great One a.k.a. The Brahma Bull a.k.a. The People’s Champion a.k.a. The Scorpion King has decided that now is the time for him to don his famous trunks once more and return to the world of professional wrestling.

That’s right folks. Finally, the Rock HAS COME BACK to the WWE.

While wrestling fans all over the globe doff their beer-hats and wipe a greasy tear from their collective faces with a podgy, cheese covered finger, we here at hecklerspray can only wonder what has caused The Rock to make such a grandiose return to Vince McMahon’s proverbial dead horse, which by now has been flogged more times than anyone cares to pay attention to.

After all, stripping to your undies and covering yourself in baby oil so you can give another man a special cuddle just screams, “my career is going well.”

For those of you who weren’t teenage shut-ins in the ‘90s, before Dwayne Johnson was laying the smacketh down in such films as The Tooth Fairy and Race to Witch Mountain, he used wrestle for, what was then, the World Wrestling Federation. It’s a bit like that roller derby thing that girls seem to be so into at the moment, except with shirtless men covered in baby oil.

Johnson’s alter ego was named The Rock and he was both the People’s Champion and the most electrifying man in Sports Entertainment. He would regularly raise the People’s Eyebrow and drop the People’s Elbow at the request of the millions (and millions) of Rock fans all over the world.

The Rock epitomised the golden era of the WWF, now called the WWE after some pandas kicked up a fuss (pandas, incidentally, the reigning WWF world champions by default) , which was known as the Attitude Era and featured such greats as Stone Cold Steve Austin, D-Generation X (before the gimmick was done to death) and a fat bloke in a cowboy hat known as Good Ol’ J.R.

But alas, the Rock abandoned his fans to go off and find legitimate fame, fame he wouldn’t have to be ashamed of… and probably some nicer looking fans too.

Hollywood seemed to have other ideas though, they just couldn’t smell what the Rock was cookin’ and so, after 7 long years in the wilderness of bad kids films, Dwayne has crammed his Johnson back into that trunks and elbow pads combo that he knows all too well.

Destined to spend the rest of his days as a monkey dancing for the entertainment of people who think Sarah Palin would make a great President.

Bad luck Dwayne. We guess you’ve finally hit Rock Bottom. Or the People’s Bottom. Whatever.

This post was written by Kris Silver with the assistance of Wrestling aficionado, Michael Eckett.

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Anyone with half a brain knew that Watchmen would open at number big in the weekend box office last week.

The real question, though – the question that could potentially lead to other beloved comicbooks being adapted into spectacular big-budget movies – was whether Watchmen could keep the weekend box office number one spot.

It can’t. Almost 70% fewer people saw Watchmen this weekend. So there’ll be less movies like Watchmen in the future, and more like Race To Witch Mountain. Bad news for serious geeks, but great news for creepy, perpetually adolescent geeks.

Race To Witch Mountain is the US weekend box office number one, soundly beating Watchmen into third place despite causing noticeably fewer comicbook geeks to foam at the mouth in anticipation.

And here’s why - Race To Witch Mountain actually looks good. It’s a zippy, action-packed movie starring a wise-cracking taxi driver and a couple of smart-mouthed kids who can move stuff about with their minds. We can’t speak for everyone, but we’re really looking forward to seeing Race To Witch Mountain. Admittedly we’re looking forward to seeing Race To Witch Mountain on ITV on a drizzly Bank Holiday Monday in the year 2038 because we’re buggered if we’re actually going to pay to see it, but whatever. Here’s the weekend box office top five…

1 - Race To Witch Mountain (Have you noticed that The Rock has gone from The Rock to Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson straight to plain old Dwayne Johnson? What a spoilsport! He totally missed out the stages where he had to be called Dwayne ‘Rocky’ Johnson, The Artist Formerly Known As The Rock, Rock-Rock, Drock Drockson, Thaynejohnsock, Little Bobby Johnnyrocks and Flarg The Indefensible. Disappointing) $25,000,000

2 – Watchmen (Oh well, so Watchmen was ultimately a Snakes On A Plane-style mistake where the online buzz built up by a painstaking promotional campaign couldn’t hope to sustain public interest once it was released. Never mind, geeks – at least there was one movie where a woman in a lycra jumpsuit got nearly-raped. That has to count for something, right?) $18,070,000

3 - The Last House On The Left (We completely understand why The Last House On The Left is a horror film. On our street, the last house on the left belongs to a couple of weirdos. We think they might be foreign. Scary!) $14,658,000

4 - Taken (We don’t know why Taken is such a weekend box office hit, you know – that little girl deserved to be kidnapped and forced into the human trafficking trade. She was following U2’s European tour, for crying out loud! That’s a fitting punishment!) $6,650,000

5 - Madea Goes To Jail (Similarly, we don’t know why Madea Goes To Jail is such a weekend box office hit. Honestly, it looks rubbish) $5,130,000

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