R Kelly’s Kiddy Porn Trial Really About To Start Soon, Honest Forget believing he can fly or finding ever-more inventive ways to compare his willy to a car key in songs, R Kelly is only really good at one thing. And that's delaying the start of his child pornography trial. For the last six years, R Kelly has kept inventing clever new tricks to put off the trial again and again - but it looks as though his luck might have run out. At last, tomorrow will see the commencement of the jury selection process for R Kelly's child pornography trial, effectively locking a start date down for good. And, oh boy, is that going to be one lucky jury - the judge has ruled that R Kelly's apparently incriminating underage sex tape can be shown in open court. High fives to agreeing to watch a 14-year-old girl get urinated on by R Kelly! Anyone? No?

R Kelly Misses His Child Porn Date In Court

This R Kelly child porn sex-tape kerfuffle has rattled on for so long that the child in question is now a 93-year-old great-grandmother with an irrational phobia of urine, and yet still it shows no sign of concluding.

That's partly because R Kelly keeps successfully managing to push court dates further and further back every time things start to look serious for him - but no longer, because if R Kelly doesn't turn up to court in the next 90 minutes, he's going to be arrested. R Kelly was due to appear in court in Chicago yesterday, you see, but he failed to show up because his tour bus was crocked first by snow and then by a slightly overzealous group of Utah police officers. Hopefully, though, this threat of arrest will force R Kelly to show up in court once and for all, where he'll do the decent thing and get his child porn trial pushed back a couple of years again.