Articles tagged with: R Kelly
WEBTHUMP! Thursday 28 May 2009
10 - What's that? You want a gallery of amazing mythical vegetables? Fine, here you go - Welovevegetables 9 - Perhaps the greatest response to an R Kelly song you will ever read - Mychemicaltoilet 8 - Brooke Hogan's new album cover is the single worst thing any of you will ever see - Amygrindhouse 7 - Some Very Important Headwear News - Interestment
Ne-Yo Wins A Bunch Of Cash For Being Better Than R Kelly
Ne-Yo - the only R&B singer on Earth to name himself after the Doppler effect - is a pretty popular chap, but now that's been legally confirmed. Last year Ne-Yo was on tour supporting R Kelly, but he got the sack after two shows because he says the crowds preferred him and R Kelly got the hump. A quick court case later, and Ne-Yo seems to have had his argument upheld - he's just been awarded $700,000 from the tour's promoter for sacking him so quickly. So congratulations Ne-Yo - you're now sort of officially more popular than a man who until recently was thought to have starred in a piss-sex video with a child. That's just a level of popularity we can only ever dream of reaching. Tell us Ne-Yo, how does that feel?
Ne-Yo - the only R&B singer on Earth to name himself after the Doppler effect - is a pretty popular chap, but now that's been legally confirmed. Last year Ne-Yo was on tour supporting R Kelly, but he got the sack after two shows because he says the crowds preferred him and R Kelly got the hump. A quick court case later, and Ne-Yo seems to have had his argument upheld - he's just been awarded $700,000 from the tour's promoter for sacking him so quickly. So congratulations Ne-Yo - you're now sort of officially more popular than a man who until recently was thought to have starred in a piss-sex video with a child. That's just a level of popularity we can only ever dream of reaching. Tell us Ne-Yo, how does that feel?
Osama Bin Laden Gives R Kelly A Shoulder To Cry On
If The Odd Couple ever returned to our screens, then there isn't a casting director in the land who could dream up an odder couple than this.
Everyone knows Osama Bin Laden - he’s that crazy foreign guy with a vengeance against the west - and then there's R Kelly, a successful singer who officially doesn’t love children a little bit too much. Imagine those wacky characters shacked up in a flat above a chip shop - it would be a certain ratings winner.
The chances of these two ever bumping into each other over a packet of pork scratchings in the local ale house, though, is quite unlikely. Still this hasn't stopped R Kelly from comparing himself to the world’s most hated terrorist.
R Kelly Found Innocent Of All Children-Related Love Making
R Kelly is a man who has suffered so much at the hands of the press. The guy just wants to live his life making A-material albums and wonderful music videos. And, of course, the last thing he wants to do is diddle people too young to get onto the big-kid rides at your local Six Flags. Why is that? Well, it's because R Kelly may be a lot of things - like the victim of a horrific back-mole that can sometimes be confused with a camera-lense speck, or tone deaf, but a kid-diddler he most definitely is not! The man's been acquitted, you know. You probably guessed that from the title up there.
R Kelly is a man who has suffered so much at the hands of the press. The guy just wants to live his life making A-material albums and wonderful music videos. And, of course, the last thing he wants to do is diddle people too young to get onto the big-kid rides at your local Six Flags. Why is that? Well, it's because R Kelly may be a lot of things - like the victim of a horrific back-mole that can sometimes be confused with a camera-lense speck, or tone deaf, but a kid-diddler he most definitely is not! The man's been acquitted, you know. You probably guessed that from the title up there.
D-Day For R Kelly Trial. Or R-Day, Maybe
Deliberation, discussion and decision-making: all major factors involved in writing about a legal case that hasn't yet been decided either way. Strangely enough, these things are also associated with the jury in the R Kelly child pornography trial. Would you believe it? Of course, this brings up a wonderful revelation - it shouldn't be too long before hecklerspray can refer to R Kelly in whatever terms we see fit, with the full backing of the law on our side. Yes: the jury have heard the prosecution, the defence, rebuttals, witnesses and counter-cross-ultra-examinations, and they've run off to that room probably occupied by Twelve Angry Men to decide once and for all what the media are allowed to refer to R Kelly as. And probably, more importantly, if the man is to serve jail time or if he is cleared of the charges held against him. The future looks bright.
Deliberation, discussion and decision-making: all major factors involved in writing about a legal case that hasn't yet been decided either way. Strangely enough, these things are also associated with the jury in the R Kelly child pornography trial. Would you believe it? Of course, this brings up a wonderful revelation - it shouldn't be too long before hecklerspray can refer to R Kelly in whatever terms we see fit, with the full backing of the law on our side. Yes: the jury have heard the prosecution, the defence, rebuttals, witnesses and counter-cross-ultra-examinations, and they've run off to that room probably occupied by Twelve Angry Men to decide once and for all what the media are allowed to refer to R Kelly as. And probably, more importantly, if the man is to serve jail time or if he is cleared of the charges held against him. The future looks bright.
R Kelly Trial: Is It R In Video? Is The Girl Who She Says She Is? Who Am I?!
It's an age-old defence and one that many, many people have relied on throughout the ages to help them avoid being shouted at, dumped, ignored or sent to prison on alleged charges of having sex with an underage girl and filming it: "It wasn't me." Even Shaggy relied on it at one point, though the dolt did ruin the get-out clause for the rest of us by making it public knowledge. Now, as fate would have it and as the mole/artifact argument would have us believe, the man in the video being examined in the R Kelly child sex trial isn't actually R himself. It is, as the defence have stated, a lookalike.
It's an age-old defence and one that many, many people have relied on throughout the ages to help them avoid being shouted at, dumped, ignored or sent to prison on alleged charges of having sex with an underage girl and filming it: "It wasn't me." Even Shaggy relied on it at one point, though the dolt did ruin the get-out clause for the rest of us by making it public knowledge. Now, as fate would have it and as the mole/artifact argument would have us believe, the man in the video being examined in the R Kelly child sex trial isn't actually R himself. It is, as the defence have stated, a lookalike.
Chris Rock Is A ‘Statutory Rapist’, claims TV show. Only Joking!
Chris Rock, until recently widely regarded as the funniest man in the English speaking world (as recent as yesterday, in fact) has all of a sudden lost his sense of humour entirely. Chris, currently touring his ‘No Apologies’ show around South Africa, was the butt of a US reality TV show prank. You ask: what was said prank? Well, he he, get this! God, we’re laughing just typing it down! Right, this TV show (which no one seems to know the name of) made accusations that Chris Rock has, wait for it… had sex with an underage British girl - when he hasn’t! Ahahahahahaha! Genius! And yet, for some reason, Chris Rock didn’t find being accused of statuatory rape funny in the slightest. The bloody square.
Chris Rock, until recently widely regarded as the funniest man in the English speaking world (as recent as yesterday, in fact) has all of a sudden lost his sense of humour entirely. Chris, currently touring his ‘No Apologies’ show around South Africa, was the butt of a US reality TV show prank. You ask: what was said prank? Well, he he, get this! God, we’re laughing just typing it down! Right, this TV show (which no one seems to know the name of) made accusations that Chris Rock has, wait for it… had sex with an underage British girl - when he hasn’t! Ahahahahahaha! Genius! And yet, for some reason, Chris Rock didn’t find being accused of statuatory rape funny in the slightest. The bloody square.
R Kelly Kiddy Porn Trial: That’s Not A Mole, Idiots, That’s An Artifact
It's obvious to everyone with any sense that it isn't R Kelly in the sex tape at the centre of his child pornography trial. Really, it isn't. R Kelly has a caterpillar-shaped mole on his back, you see, and the man in the R Kelly sex tape doesn't have a caterp... oh wait, yes he does. Bum. However, just because R Kelly and the man in the sex tape appear to have similarly-shaped birthmarks on the same part of their backs, it doesn't make R Kelly guilty of anything. That's because, according to a defence analyst yesterday, there aren't any moles on the R Kelly sex tape at all - only artifacts. What's an artifact? God knows. Let's go!
It's obvious to everyone with any sense that it isn't R Kelly in the sex tape at the centre of his child pornography trial. Really, it isn't. R Kelly has a caterpillar-shaped mole on his back, you see, and the man in the R Kelly sex tape doesn't have a caterp... oh wait, yes he does. Bum. However, just because R Kelly and the man in the sex tape appear to have similarly-shaped birthmarks on the same part of their backs, it doesn't make R Kelly guilty of anything. That's because, according to a defence analyst yesterday, there aren't any moles on the R Kelly sex tape at all - only artifacts. What's an artifact? God knows. Let's go!
