R Kelly - HecklerSpray

R. Kelly Might Be Keeping Women Hostage in a Sex Cult

July 18th, 2017 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

If nothing about the title of this blog surprises you, you’re not alone. When I first read about this shit, I was like “Yeah, ok, I believe that”, because it’s R. Kelly, the forever creep we all fear is hiding in our closets at night (he probably is).

R. Kelly has found himself in legal trouble once again because numerous parents are accusing him of holding their daughters hostage in a weird sex cult at his house. The only shocking part of this story is that apparently all the women are legal age.

Miley and Gaga Are Pretty Much Hypocrites

March 14th, 2016 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

Some of you may recall a few blogs back when I was ranting about all this bullshit that’s going on with Kesha (remember, it was the blog where someone accused me of being non-white because I think black lives matter!). Since then, a slew of female celebrities from Adele to my all-time-favorite, Fiona Apple, have spoken out for their support of Kesha, which is awesome! Women with some form of power in the entertainment industry supporting another woman being disenfranchised in it is really great and I love it.

However, maybe no one has spoken out about her support of Kesha as much as Lady Gaga, which is totally fine, good for her. However, it’s really hard to take Gaga and Miley Cyrus (who has also taken to Instagram to show Kesha support) when they still support and work with some of the scummiest dudes in Hollywood.

Top 10 Celebrity Scandals You Probably Forgot About

October 26th, 2014 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

The other day, my cousin, Krystal, said to me “Remember when Halle Berry killed that guy?” And I was like “Oh shit! Yeah man, I do!” Then I got to thinking about all the celebs that have gotten into some real shit show scandals, yet somehow, no one remembers it anymore.

There are people like Charlie Sheen and Paris Hilton, who are super known for their scandals, but then there are people like Halle, who have actually had some pretty big scandals, yet no one remembers them. Here are 10 major celebrity scandals you probably don’t remember.

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Lady Gaga And R Kelly Have Created ‘Blurred Lines’ 2.0

June 19th, 2014 By Rhiannon Davies

Someone better tell Robin Thicke to budge up on the ‘Rapey Music Video’ Express to Has-Been City , because Lady Gaga and R Kelly have bought a family ticket and are getting ready to climb aboard.

Lurking in that section of your brain that gives you material to wake up in a cold sweat about at 3am, you might have a vague memory of R Kelly and Lady Gaga grinding on top of each other and singing “Do What U Want” on SNL. You know the one where R Kelly pretends to be the president, Gaga pretends to be his secretary, and they both try to pretend that he wasn’t accused of peeing on underage girls? Much like 50% of the artists involved (ALLEGEDLY), the video has leaked everywhere and it’s turning people’s stomachs.

R. Kelly’s Kid is No Longer Trapped in the Closet

June 10th, 2014 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

Once in a while, I’m given an opportunity to blog about shit that matters (not that the Kardashians the Justin Bieber don’t matter, because in my world they do), and this is one of those instances. Recently, R. Kelly (who is perhaps best known for peeing on teenage girls and hiding in closets) was in the media not because of his antics, but because his own teenage daughter came OUT of the closet as gay and trans-gendered.

Kelly’s 14-year-old daughter, Jaya, bravely came out on Facebook that he will now be known as Jay Kelly and identifies as a “transguy”. ?Jay says he’s identified as a male since he was 5 or 6 and pulls a Roberta in “Now and Then” everyday by binding down his chest.

10 Horrible Celebrity Marriages That Shouldn’t Have Happened

January 12th, 2014 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

In the last two weeks, Kaley Cuoco married a guy that she dated for about an hour and Hilary Duff split up with her weird looking husband after three years of marriage. What do these things have in common? Well, technically, nothing other than the fact that both Kaley and Hilary are blond starlets that married athletes, but I have no desire in writing about female stars who get wetties for athletes.

Nope, what they have in common that I’m interested in is the fact that both Hilary and Kaley’s marriages were ones that probably should’ve waited. Hilary was only 23 when she got married, which is super young by today’s standards, and I’ve had heartburn longer than Kaley knew her husband. People in Hollywood have a lot of money, which means they often blow it on stupid shit like getting married without thinking about it. Sometimes they get married too young and sometimes they get married too quickly after being with someone. And we all know how that ends up going for them.

R Kelly Thinks He And Chris Brown Are Messiahs

December 10th, 2013 By Megan Leitch

In a new interview that sounds as if it was based on the soon to probably be published,?How To Sound Like Kanye West In Interviews For Dummies,?golden shower aficionado R. Kelly has come out comparing Chris Brown to Jesus and himself to Martin Luther King JR.

There must be something bananas in the weed that is being smoked lately.? There is just no other way to explain the large amount of utter crap? and martyrdom being spewed by these celebrities.

What’s next??? Justin Beiber is like Moses?? Lady Gaga is Mother Theresa?

Was It An R Kelly Impersonator Peeing On Girls, Too?

November 3rd, 2013 By Megan Leitch

In a world that still continues to not make any sense, R Kelly still has fans.? Fans that shelled out big bucks to see him perform.? Fans that are super pissed off because they not only waited hours for Kelly to go on stage, but when he finally did they realized it wasn’t even the real R Kelly.

Impersonators for big stars make sense.? The Britneys, the Michaels, the Celines.? But for the love of the age of consent, who the hell wants to be an R Kelly impersonator?? “Why yes, I just love dressing up and pretending to be a has-been musician who loves golden showers and girls getting ready for their junior prom!”

R Kelly Doesn’t Understand Irony And Unleashes More Back In The Closet Episodes

March 22nd, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Imagine how hard it is being R Kelly. First off, everyone keeps mentioning the whole urine/minor thing. Then there’s your inner voice that tells you everyone is out to get you… that you’re washed-up. Then there’s the whole Not Understanding Irony Thing.

See, Uncle Kels has forged a career based on some truly wonderful records, coupled with a Dubious Private Life. People love him. It is funny to love R Kelly. Especially when you listen to the lyrics of ‘Shut Up’ or watch the video for ‘Real Talk’.

And of course, his magnus opus is the baffling, hilarious, disturbing, ego-wank that is Trapped In The Closet. And thanks to his lack of insight or foresight, he’s only gone and made a whole load of new episodes of the slopera to deal with some of its ‘mysteries’.

R Kelly Has Emergency Throat Surgery (His Mind’s Telling Him No, But His Tonsils, His Tonsils’ Telling Him Yeaaah)

July 21st, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

If only R Kelly had a bunch of events in his life that we could hang some jokes on. We’ve been wracking our brains here and can’t really think of anything that he’s done which we can mock, apart from some of his desperately awful records, that In The Closet lark and the fact it appears that he likes having sex with minors.

Wait! He liked hanging around with Michael Jackson didn’t he? That’s pretty funny isn’t it, because Michael Jackson had a face like a haunted hamstring by the time he died. There must be some correlation between R Kelly’s fondness for minors, allegations made against Jackson and, of course, our penchant for the most obvious jokes in the world.

But before all that, R. Kelly won’t be singing shit as he’s had to have some emergency throat surgery which means he won’t be performing for an indefinite period. Real talk. Or… y’know… No talk.