I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here! is the most honest ‘reality’ show on the box. Basically, it makes no bones about the fact that the whole point of the programme is to give us plebs the chance to make famous people suffer.
We make them eat stinking genitals and grubs that pop in your mouth like marshmallow filled cherry tomatoes and, in the case of Gillian McKeith, put her in so many jungle trials that she may actually die.
And now, sick of talking to the tick on his neck, Nigel Havers has quit I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out Of Here! As this is news of the breaking kind, there’s not much to say about the whole thing, other than the fact that it looked like Havers was going wimp out after whining and bitching on our TVs last night. A message on the show’s official Twitter has now confirmed his exit saying “It’s official – Nigel Havers has left the jungle.”
More when we get it/more if it sounds interesting enough.
JOSIE WALKS OUT OF THE ULTIMATE BIG BROTHER HOUSE
This afternoon Josie walked out of Ultimate Big Brother house via the fire exit in the garden after deciding the experience was all too overwhelming for her (and underwhelming for us).
And as luck would have it, one of the first people she should meet when she escaped through the camera runs was John James in the Big Brother car park, as he had been visiting the Big Brother compound to record a message to give to Josie.
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Stop the clocks. Cut off the telephone. Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone.
Deep down, we at hecklerspray knew this day would inevitably have to come at some point but we tried to tell ourselves otherwise. We lied to ourselves to stop the hurt. But now there’s so much hurt it’s coming out of our ears and dripping onto the floor. Mrs. Hecklerspray will need to get the hoover out.
Are you sitting down? Please sit. Take a deep breath before continuing.
Liz Hurley is giving up acting.
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Ah, 24. We've had some good times over the years.
Remember when main character Jack Bauer became hopelessly addicted to heroin and ended a series crying in utter self-loathing? Boy, that was a chuckle and a half. And that bit when a supermarket full of people were told that they were all going to die from a hideous new virus, and that the best way out was to swallow the cyanide pills that were being handed around? Fun, fun, fun.
Anyone who shares these sentiments may want to shed a tear, however, because it looks like – after seven-and-a-bit years of boss-killing, suspect-beheading, nuclear-bomb-crashing and whispering in a hushed grimace – 24 co-creator Joel Surnow reckons that he's taken the acting skills of Kiefer Sutherland roughly about as far as he can.
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Anyone with personal issues that can only be solved by a level-headed pop-psych Vulcan who looks uncannily like Ben Kingsley will be a little bit upset with this.
Montel Williams is quitting his talk show.
Montel has announced that The Montel Williams Show will come to an end this season, leaving the world's troubled in the capable hands of Dr Phil. Well, capable insomuch that's he's basically just a big shouting bear with alopecia. But you get the idea.
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Yes, you read it right the first time single fellas and lesbians; Jenna Jameson, that great Comrade of the Cock – the Velociraptor of the Vulva – has broken off the unwritten agreement she had with your – nay, the world's – right hand.
The 34-year-old veteran made the announcement at the AVN (Adult Video News) Awards in Las Vegas on Saturday.
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