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Impressionists. It’s hard to know whether to laugh at them or kill them by strangling them with their own vocal chords.
Alas, they’re not all idiots. Some are rather good and inventive with it. Of course, most aren’t. Most are jarring nincompoops.
However, one chap has an A-to-Z of celebrity impressions and, while some aren’t too hot, some are really, really great.
What is Kevin Costner famous for? Well, he sang I Will Always Love You and said “back, and to the left” for five hours straight in JFK and… uh… he was in the terrible Waterworld. And that’s about it.
And now, getting the chance to redeem himself from such atrocities, he now being lamer than a horse sanctuary, wimping out of Quentin Tarantino’s ‘Django Unchained’.
Thank god we’ve got Kurt Russell – a real man – to take his place. Whaddaguy!
Ah, Courtney Love. What would we do without you. When things get a little too much for us to bear, we just take one look at your increasingly peculiar face and think to ourselves: ‘At least things aren’t as bad as that.’
The Former Mrs Cobain has, for some reason, taken it upon herself to become the Grunge Joan Rivers, despite the fact that precisely no-one actually asked for it.
And now, humble Courtney is getting out her crayons and starting work on her autobiography which will be a gentle, thoughtful read, sensitively looking back on her life with a suicidal husband who took loads of bad drugs, as well as her fondness for jacking up on bad shit while having sex with a variety of rock singers.
Samuel L Jackson is, once again, going to be teaming up with Quentin Tarantino. It has been confirmed and everything. This is fine, fine news.
Jackson’s publicist has told Variety that the actor has signed up for the film Django Unchained.
What’s Django Unchained? We like to think of it as Slave Japes. We also really hope Arnold Schwarzenegger gets a role in it. Let us explain.
Courtney Love isn’t someone you’d trust to look after themselves would you? If you were a pal of hers (surely she has some friends), you’d worry if she planned to cross the street by herself. She certainly can’t be trusted to not tweet harrowing naked self-shots to the world.
Alas, her entire value on the celebrity circuit seems to be that of irritating estate of Kurt Cobain’s cadaver and general gossip about who she’s had sex with, and general tragic trainwreck.
All this combined, it isn’t surprising that she’s injured herself while setting her New York home on fire, which can’t be the first time its happened because her face suggests that she’s been stood near too many naked flames, leaving her rubbery faced warped like a figure of Adam of Eternia under a magnifying glass.
When Quentin Tarantino makes a movie, it is always interesting to see who he’ll cast. He plunders old b-movie actors and the like, putting them up against proper A-listers. He also clearly gets aroused over Uma Thurman’s massive feet, but that’s another story.
While we can’t guess where he’ll go for his cult actors, it appears that the big name attached to his new slavesploitation flick, Django Unchained, is the one and only Leonardo DiCaprio who weirdly can’t act and isn’t that good-looking anymore, but still seems to get gigantic roles.
Sadly, one name that has dropped out of the race is Will Smith who isn’t so keen on playing the title role of slave Django. Shame. It would’ve been interesting to see how the two would have worked together, so we guess we’ll just have to wait and see which action movie Smith with gurn in next.
You gotta hand it to Courtney Love – she’s a real class act. Lately, she’s been a trainwreck superstar of twitter, slagging off her daughter, writing impenetrable garbled messages and leaking upsetting naked photos of herself while displaying the most unusual lips seen in Hollywood.
We’re talking about face-lips you disgusting perverts.
And now, after making an enemy of the surviving members of Nirvana, she’s now pointing at Kurt Cobain’s cadaver and slurring about what a large dong he possessed when he was a member of the living. That’s nice isn’t it? That’s exactly the kind of thing he would’ve wanted.
Now that Lady GaGa’s second LP proper is coming out, it goes without saying that she’s going to be linked with just about everything on Earth by her publicists. The only thing she hasn’t been linked with, weirdly, is a judging job on the American X Factor, bearing in mind that every human on the planet has been linked with the job (including all of you idiots reading this now).
However, one vaguely interesting rumour floating around is that the singing shortstop has been linked to the world of film, and she’s been approached by director Quentin Tarantino.
Presumably, if this goes ahead, we’ll get to see GaGa swearing repeatedly and making obscure pop-cultural references in amongst huge volumes of bloodshed, which of course, will suit Lady GaGa down to the ground.
