Spice Girls fans! Rejoice in your wasted lives because it seems like the Spice Girls are coming back! …Again.
Former Spicer Geri Halliwell, famous for such solo hits as ‘Mi Perro Latino’, about a latin dog and the one where she was dead in the video, has claimed that the Spice Girls could be due for another money-spinning reunion.
Actually, that’s totally unfair. While most groups end up reuniting out of a love of crack cocaine and cold hard cash, the Spice Girls appear to be coming out of retirement to celebrate the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee.
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If you were asked to sum up the Jackson family, how would you do it? Some people might call them the greatest collection of siblings who ever entered a recording studio. Others might comment on how inferior Janet and LaToya were compared to Tito, Jermaine and Randy.
Most people would say that the entire family were complete fruit loops.
However, we’d like to comment on how the Jackson family manage to pick the worst possible time for any new release. A brand new greatest hits album from Michael followed weeks after heart went all funny and of course, there was the tribute concert that was accidentally scheduled at the same time as the Dr. Conrad Murray trial. Some would say this was done for financial gain.
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trav·es·ty
[trav-uh-stee]
noun
1. A literary or artistic burlesque of a serious work
or subject,characterized by grotesque or ludicrous
incongruity of style, treatment, or subject matter.
Remember that.
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Queen are a terrible band aren’t they? Overblown, pompous, noodly bollocks for people who can’t bring themselves to dance or listen to anything with a trace of funk. They’re so white they’re borderline Aryan.
Still, there’s obviously a huge market of Stock Broker Rock and Queen have hardly struggled throughout their career.
But what is it that people like about them? Well, if you ask Brian May, it’s because they “speak for common people”.
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There’s nothing weirder than finding people who are so obsessed with something that they’re willing to go to any length of internet-based conflict in order to defend their nonsensical beliefs. It is a trait most often seen in fans of Muse, Twilight, INXS, Queen and, quite inexplicably, Larry David. There are few things that hecklerspray writers love more than these people. The ‘whine’ of fans.
And so we come to our weekly perusal of our post, the time that- for us- is the closest we’ll ever come to having sex with Ann Widdicombe. We approach the post bag with a mixture of terror and morbid curiosity with only a modicum of sexual excitement, we reach out our shaking, clammy paws.
Find out what becomes of us over the jump…
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We love our readers. From the very bottom of our hearts, we adore them and cherish their opinions on life, the universe and everything. Some of our readers are silent; observing the world of celebrity vicariously through our writers. We love them too, just not quite as much.
Other readers like to get as involved as they possibly can by adding witty add-ons to our pieces using their own inimitable senses of humour. Some others like to defend their favourite bands, actors and artists to the hilt by using the ol’ “if you don’t have anything nice to say…” quip before telling us that we deserve to die and spend eternity in the depths pits of hell for daring to take the piss out of people.
People with no sense of humour, basically. It is these people who we celebrate each week in Readers’ Letters, our weekly trawl through your comments and opinions, filtering the fantastic from the flotsam, the sublime from the shite. This week, we’ve done it as a video! Let Editor Mof guide you after the jump…
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Quick everyone! Raid the cupboard for party poppers and get out your best bunting to decorate the living room. Today sees Freddie Mercury turn sixty five and a day!
However, Freddie is yesterday’s news and has already been forgotten about. But here at hecklerspray, we won’t let a new Google image or Twitter hashtag see his memory simply forgotten.
Just like the whitefro wearing sell-out Brian May, we want to flog the birthday of Freddie Mercury to death. And oh look! Here comes Katy Perry!
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For reasons we don’t rightly care about, Queen and Freddie Mercury have been honoured with a Google Doodle. It probably marks the first time Fred avoided a dentist appointment.
Either way, this tribute only serves to remind us of why Queen are such a loathsome group. And there’s a lot… A LOT… to dislike about stupid Queen.
And Queen have been irritating the world, decade after infuriating decade, unwilling to quietly slope away and leave our ears and eyes in peace. Queen: Let us count the ways in which we truly hate you.
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