Let's start with what we know about The Long Blondes: They are a band, there are five of them, they were formed in Sheffield, they have released one album Someone to Drive You Home (another due 4th April – Couples), Weekend Without Makeup is their biggest single hit to date (no.28, Top 40), they do not listen to The Beatles, they do wear a lot of vintage threads, they are currently embarking on a nationwide tour.

We caught up with foxy lead singer Kate Jackson backstage before their recent gig at Fibbers, York. She was very lovely and gave us a beer.

Hecklerspray: So, the new single Century (due out 24th March) is all electro and dancey. Why such a dramatic change in direction?

Kate: It didn't really feel like a massive change for us as we were kind of going that way. Some of the B-sides we did with Erol (Erol Alkan, London-based electro DJ) like Five Ways to End It and Fullwood Babylon were keyboard based anyway. It just seemed like a natural way to step on.

You have a strong fanbase and the press all seem to love you. Why aren't you mega-famous by now?

I don't know! I think It might be down to having girl musicians in the band.

Really? Even with Beth Ditto from The Gossip and the like?

Beth is unique though, isn't she? She's got this amazing voice and they're a great band, but also she's American. I still think in the UK we struggle to accept British females who aren't singer/songwriters or just a girl fronting a band. We don't really fit into any of those categories. I don't think the media knows what to do with us sometimes. We didn't get the playlist on Radio 1-

Ah, we noticed that…

And we didn't get the TV exposure I thought we would have with the first record. You know, they (the media) think indie still involves being a guy and shouting 'yeah, yeah, yeah' or writing songs like the Kaiser Chiefs and we don't fit into that. The Gossip were a bit of an anomaly too, and were only really playlisted once they got the Skins (TV) thing.

Do you have any celebrity fans?

Jimmy Savile. We did a TV programme he was on and he did a little dance with us. It's one of our favourite celebrity things; we have a Polaroid with Jimmy Savile.

Did he make you call him 'Sir Jimmy'?

You can call him Jimmy. He had a long-suffering PA who he pretty much spoke through though.

The Guardian newspaper said recently (read here) that you wouldn't make it through the first round of The X Factor. How does that statement make you feel?

(having clearly read the article) I probably wouldn't, but I would never enter, which was something they omitted to say. He (the author) was saying he really loved my voice even though I couldn’t sing, without pointing out that actually I can. I know there is a long tradition of singers that can't sing, like Dylan and Nick Cave, these people have really characterful voices though, as opposed to your average X-Factor finalist.

How do you rate your voice?

I mostly get praise, but on occasions it is not easy on the ears. I scream, but I don't really care. I come from a punk background anyway, listening to people like Siouxsie and the Banshees and Blondie. They didn't have the best voices in the world, but they got their point across.

You've not had any singing lessons?

God, no! You don't need singing lessons. It's just like the rest of the band taught themselves how to play their instruments, I taught myself how to sing.

Obviously the new album Couples is going to do great business, but if for whatever reason it bombs, will this prompt another change in direction?

(laughs hard) Well, I don't think so. We kind of write as we are going along, our songs evolve naturally, we don't think about it too much. We weren't sitting around going 'the last album was good, but it wasn't as successful as we thought it was going to be, let's do something completely different'. I think we were just kind of bored. We had been doing sixteen months of touring and Dorian (Cox. lead guitar) started writing on the keyboard just to see what happened. We are all kind of easy bored anyway, so wanted to constantly challenge ourselves. A lot of own individual influences are on this more than the first album.

Such as?

The disco element was out of me listening to a lot of Donna Summer, Abba and Screech-

Drummer 'Screech Louder' darts into the room.

Hello, Screech! We were just talking about you. Screech likes his Kraut rock; it influenced his drumming style, especially on Around the Hairpin.

Ever heard of hecklerspray?

No, Sorry! But I don't read anything, online blogs or websites. I'm still obsessed by magazines – it's a bit like CD and vinyl.

You read all the embarrassing gossip rags then?

No, course I don't!

Bassist Reenie Hollis is next to wander in searching for something. She seems confused.

(to Reenie) It's on the table somewhere. Get Screech to do it.

Reenie exits looking none the wiser.

But what about this wall of celebrity couples you made during recording the album? You must have cut the pictures out of somewhere?

(sheepish) Erm, if Heat's lying around I will pick it up. But the 'couples wall', it wasn't just current celebrities; it was mostly from the 70's and 80's. Comedy duos like Morecambe and Wise, The Two Ronnies or The Pet Shop Boys – it wasn't just couples romantically involved, it was more to do with the idea of two people working together creatively and the tension that creates.

Do you find it difficult to encourage the crowd when playing virtually all new material at a gig?

No…Well, I think people are really looking forward to hearing us because we haven't played for a while. The show that we did at the Amersham Arms (London) was really good. It was a press show, so had a lot of journalists there, but the front two rows were hardcore fans – they somehow knew all the words to the new songs anyway; probably downloaded them illegally off the internet. I hope they all sat at home next to their stereos just learning the words, because I used to do that.

Is it true you tried out the new songs by performing under a false name?

Yeah, we did three shows under the name The Dead Eyed Bitches.

Bet you wanted to take that name permanently?

Oh yeah! We had Britney Spears on the drum skins.

Were you in disguise?

I had a really long blonde wig but I think they recognised me anyway.

Do you have any pre-gig rituals?

The guys put 'guyliner' on and the girls drink beer.

That is so wonderfully English.

(laughs) Yeah, we prefer not to speak to each other at all.

Finally, your thoughts on Heather Mills?

She's obviously awful, just ugh, disgusting.

You don't feel even just the tiniest bit sorry for her?

Don't feel sorry for her, she's just got £24 million! She chose to represent herself and that was a really stupid thing to do. Plus she still has the money and she saved on the legal fees! She's actually really smart . But I don't like her.

And with that the adjacent soundcheck burst into the room and drowned out most of our goodbyes. For the record though, Kate sounded proper powerful warming up the mic. Like putting a hammer in a cushion and bashing you over the head with it. Petite lady though. Tiny.

So much so that she is paid to pose in sexual positions to excite sexually frustrated blokes and give them the false hope that one day they’ll get married to her and live in a pink castle in the clouds. However, Alex is not your average bimbo model who aspires to shag a footballer outside a trendy London nightclub. Her no-holds-bar attitude has propelled her to fame and a hardcore legion of fans. 

We asked Alex the same questions we ask everybody else, and this is how she answered… 

Finish this sentence: If I ruled the world, I'd…
Sing a song about it a la Lauren Hill, back in the day, before she was shit. Or maybe I'd pass a rule saying that everyone had to listen to Van Halen every day, for the rest of their lives. Or maybe I'd just sit on a sofa shitting my pants with the enormity of it all.

Is there a film, record or book that changed your life?
The Greatest Hits of Michael Bolton pretty much shaped my entire personality.

What's your guilty pleasure?
Headbutting my friends on stage while covering myself in vodka and spitting in their mouths.

What turns you on?
Skinny Jewish boys who live on their mum's sofa.

Who's the biggest celebrity idiot you've ever met?
Probably all the WAGs I've encountered on my modelling journey. They need to get a proper job and/or a lobotomy.

What would be your super power of choice?
Super farts that could jet power me places.

What was the first record you bought yourself?
License to Ill by the Beastie Boys.

When was the last time you cried at a film?
I can't watch the film AI as I cry uncontrollably all the way though it and it completely disturbs me. You can't raise a robot as a real life boy and then abandon it, it's morally wrong in every kind of way.

What is the strangest favourite fan request you've ever had?
One fan asked if it was okay for them to wank over one of my pictures and send me the result. Apparently it's called 'laminating'. I was not amused.

Which animal would you be?
A cat. Cats are awesome, but only a heavy metal cat that could dance to Motley Crue.

What do you want written on your gravestone?
“She sold her tits but not her soul”.

Say something nice about hecklerspray.
Hecklerspray has got really nice hair and does not look fat in that dress.

OK, plug whatever you want…
For shits and giggles why not take a look at my myspace, it's alright and great if you have ran out of biscuits at work and are bored: http://www. myspace.com/alexandramodel.

Alternately you can read my column in Front magazine which has a lot of pictures and some words. Or you could watch my show on Sumo TV that is the best thing since Genital Herpes. Catch it every Friday night at 11pm on Sky channel 144.

Billed – by themselves – as snotty, flirty, in-your-face, rock and roll, Chop Suicide is pretty much exactly that. If you like your music sleazy and raw and, um, Canadian, then it goes without saying that you should give Chop Suicide a nose.

We asked Chop Suicide – aka Staci T. Rat, Danyell, Stéphane DéBernardi and Kevin Eamon – the same questions we ask everyone else, and this is how they answered…

If I ruled the world, I'd…

Staci: Whaddaya mean, if…? Don't you mean, when…
Danyell: probably fuck it up worse than it already is.
Steph: fly first class, and get a bigger Tour Bus.
Kevin: Create one religion, giving peace on earth!!

Is there a film, record or book that changed your life?

Danyell: Super Size Me; I only eat McDonalds every other day now!
Steph: The Secret.
Kevin: Kiss Alive 2.
Staci: Hellraiser got me interested in horror movies and b-movies, which I love. There are two records for me that changed my life. I heard them both for the first time in the same day, ZZ Top – Deguello and AC/DC – Back in Black. That was the day I knew I wanted to play guitar in a band.

What's your guilty pleasure?

Danyell: the shower nozzle.
Staci: Smoking.
Steph: Food.
Kevin: Cheesecake.

What turns you on?

Danyell: the shower nozzle.
Steph: Recent studies have shown that hot naked girls turn me on.
Kevin: Hot chicks eating cheesecake!

Who's the biggest celebrity idiot you've ever met?

Danyell: Screech from Saved By The Bell. We were at a bar and I ordered him a bisexual martini.

What would be your super power of choice?

Danyell: To be able to fly.
Steph: To be able to read people's minds.
Kevin: mind reading.
Staci: Invisibility.

What was the first record you bought yourself?

Staci: GNR (Appetite for Destruction).
Steph: Beastie Boys (License to Ill).
Kevin: AC/DC (Back And Black).
Danyell: Nirvana (In Utero).

When was the last time you cried at a film?

Danyell: Babe, Pig In The City, last week.
Steph: What do you mean crying, I wasn't crying… something got stuck in my eye.
Staci: He's lying, he was crying. I saw him.

What is the strangest favourite fan request you've ever had?

Danyell: To wed a man covered in his own faeces, it was the shittiest proposal ever, (pun intended).
Staci: When I was in my first band and I was playing in Estevan, Saskatchewan in Canada and a woman tried to bribe the guys in the band with BBQ hamburgers, cheap beer and bad weed to sleep with her daughter. That was fucking weird! Don't go to Estevan!
Steph: This girl wanted to trade her G string for the G string on my bass. By the time I left the club, none of my basses had any strings on them.
Kevin: Sleep with my friend.

Which animal would you be?

Danyell: Any animal that can lick itself.
Staci: A lion. They are the fucking king of the jungle, baby!
Steph: A cat….. Maybe then I could get some sleep.
Kevin: A bat.

What do you want written on your gravestone? 

Kevin: Created one religion, gave peace on earth!
Staci: Here lies Staci Fucking Rat.

Say something nice about hecklerspray.

Danyell: Hecklergay rocks!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Steph: Hecklerspray….. Almost better than surfing for porn.
Staci: Hecklerspray website is very informative and it is laid out real easy to read. I like that.
Kevin: Hecklerspray rocks hard like Kiss Alive 2.

OK, plug whatever you want…

Staci: Chop Suicide will be in the UK June 11 – June 24, 2008. Check our website or MySpace profile for up-to-date info: www.myspace.com/chopsuicideonline

Since S Club 7's split, Tina has managed to avoid a lot of the controversy that other S Clubbers have found themselves in – mainly by steering clear of making slightly racist comments on reality TV shows and Agent Codey Banks 2: Destination London. She currently lives in London and spends her time working on solo material and fending off the hamfisted romantic advances of hecklerspray.

We asked Tina Barrett the same questions we ask everyone else, and this is how she answered…

Finish this sentence: If I ruled the world, I'd…

Make everybody perfectly equal.

Is there a film, record or book that changed your life?

I wouldn't say any have changed my life – but I do think Federico Fellini's La Dolce Vita taught me to love Europe.

What's your guilty pleasure?

Staying home and doing absolutely nothing.

What turns you on?

A man with good manners.

Who's the biggest celebrity idiot you've ever met?

Britney Spears. She's everything people say she is, but worse.

What would be your super power of choice?

The ability to eat anything without consuming the calories.

What was the first record you bought yourself?

Kylie's debut record.

When was the last time you cried at a film?

The Bucket List. But I cry during every film.

What is the strangest favourite fan request you've ever had?

Someone once asked me to sign their bum. Can you believe I did it?

Which animal would you be?

Some sort of bird. Sometimes I believe I was destined to fly.

What do you want written on your gravestone?

Don't open until Christmas.

Say something nice about hecklerspray.

I love your site! Your gossip is very eclectic – not just the usual Britney Spears and Paris Hilton fluff. Finally a site that appeals to readers over the age of 12.