10 – Alright, let’s start 2009 off lightly. Name this puppy. Personally we’d plump for Professor Von Bloodfart, but that’s just us…

9 - Good, that’s you all softened up. Now here’s something terrifying about diet drinks - Yahoo

8 - Firstshowing get all mer-mer-mer about films it didn’t think you saw last year even though you probably did – Firstshowing

7 - Meanwhile, Popularmechanics gets excited about the films that are bound to disappoint the most people come this time next year – Popularmechanics

6 - Animals eat the funniest things – Metro

5 - Want to build a net gun? OK! – Instructables

4 – The very worst human being in all of history – Kontraband

3 - Nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty insect – Flickr

2 - It has come to our attention that everything Rhys Darby does is literally perfect. This is no exception – Drawn

1 - And finally: the truth – Reasonpad

10 - Boys, here’s an example of what you could achieve if you never got interested in girls…

9 – Want to make a little tiny zen garden? OK! - Instructables

8 – Sarah Palin goes rogue. This is like the worst episode of 24 ever – Slate

7 - Ladies, here’s what to dress as for Halloween if you want to be surrounded by drooling nerds – Gremlindog

6 – John Hodgman writes for BoingBoing. John Hodgman doesn’t write for hecklerspray. Hecklerspray feels sad - BoingBoing

5 – A happy puppy that looks like a happy baby – Totallylookslike

4 – What your typeface says about you - Flickr

3 – Warning: the following may cause you to believe that Guy Ritchie is vaguely bearable – Best Week Ever

2 - You know who likes Tina Turner? Tom Cruise – NYP

1 - Tourette’s N-word girl. Yes, yes, let’s mock the ill – Videogum

It could be said that on average Paris Hilton buys three puppies, two kittens and half a baby elephant every single weekend.

It’s because of her tremendous love for animals. She feel compassion for them, she feel empathy, and also she likes to pose with them on the red carpet because they make everything ‘cuter.’ Except for the half-elephant.

It’s at least the front half, but when she slings it over her shoulder it’s severed insides just kind of dangle in the back. Nothing cute about that.

In her defense though, the little tiny tusks are quite endearing.

Whether or not the preceding sentences even hold a spec of truth is irrelevant right now – it’s irrelevant because right now we just want to tell you about the pet store Hilton stopped in to grab a dog, and they told her to keep on walking.

When Paris Hilton isn’t forcing MTV to find her friends, or possibly rescuing alcoholic African elephants, or making out with a very scrubby guy, she likes to collect animals. Seriously – she’s got entire closets packed full of the things. And we’re talking about rich people closets too – the kind you can stand up in.

Also these closets are big enough to hide in for days while you peep under the door at Katie Sackhoff until one day the maid decides to clean things barefoot so you don’t hear her come in until she swings open the door right when you’re in the middle of a very interesting 2003 Newsweek article you were reading in a magazine you found stuffed under 1 of 10 shoe racks.

That, friends, was a run-on sentence. And this, friends, is a splurb from the New York Post about Hilton’s dog denial:

“Over the weekend, spies said, Paris Hilton was on her way to a photo shoot and “wanted a puppy in the picture with her so it would look cuter.” Hilton waltzed in and tried to buy a Yorkie but was rebuffed by an employee who said it was clearly “an impulse buy.” Hilton, who has a menagerie of neglected animals, went “ballistic,” we’re told. “She started screaming, ‘I love my puppies! I want my baby!’” – but to no avail. The store had no comment.”

If sources are to be believed Hilton walked out of that store without a puppy. In despair she took the most photogenic guy she could find and stuffed him in her purse. After the shoot she set him free, but as he scampered off into the sunset he stopped, turned and said:

“I’m actually homeless because I spent all my money on House of Wax tickets.”

But Hilton was already gone. She needed a taco or something. The homeless man, once again, was left alone.

If sources are to be believed.