Britney Spears has been called a lot of things in her time. Oh yes, insults ranging from ‘tuneless’ and ‘ fruiter’ to ‘baldy’ have been hurled in her direction over the years and no-one really cared to set the record straight as they were all probably pretty spot on.

However, one recent slur, cruelly branding Britney a ‘corporate puppet’ has outraged songwriter Savan Kotecha so much he opened his mouth and said something which sounded exactly like this:

“No.  I think these big artists don’t get where they are unless them and their team are running the show. Simple as that”. Is it? IS IT???

We don’t think so and to be honest we don’t trust anyone who’s written hits for Geri Halliwell and Westlife that didn’t include subliminal messages to make them mysteriously vanish off the face of the earth.

An insider from, presumably, ‘the inside’ said:

“From what I saw, she does nothing more than lend her name as celebrity to the production.  That’s all she seems either willing or able to contribute…Britney’s job is basically to follow other people’s instructions.”

“When Britney gets home, she does not appear to have much interest in music. The whole time I was with her, she would spend most of her free time doing nothing but watching  TV and smoking cigarettes. “

So she’d fit in tremendously well at the hecklerspray bedsit then.

We’re positive that anyone made from Uncle Walt’s  jam at a Disney factory, then ‘convinced’ to dance around as a schoolgirl in front of millions of one handed viewers, before kissing Madonna, shaving her head and going effing mental with a baseball bat is completely in control of their own destiny.

Probably.

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It’s natural for rappers to want to diversify – Jay-Z has his sports bar, 50 Cent has his terrible films and Kanye West, well, Kanye West has puppets.

According to reports, Kanye West is developing a sort of ‘hip-hop Muppet Show‘ with Comedy Central and the makers of Crank Yankers. Kanye West hosted the pilot of the show, which could possibly be broadcast next year, plus he’ll do the music and executive produce.

It’s not know what specific tasks Kanye West will adopt as executive producer of this puppet show, but on a hunch we’d guess they involve standing in offices screaming “Make it more about me! More about me!” and then, when his changes have been implemented, standing in the same office screaming “Why’s it all about me? How DARE you insult me like this?” and then smashing up a camera under his foot.

Kanye West’s raging egotism is sort of endearing at times, isn’t it? It just infuriates him so much when people don’t see that he’s as much of a genius as he says he is. We’ve seen it flare up time and time again – at awards shows when he doesn’t win, at festivals when people get angry at him being eight hours late, at airports when people sort of look at him funny. The list goes on.

But the flipside to Kanye West’s egotism is that he always wants everyone to know everything about him. That’s why Kanye’s lyrics tend to be more introspective than the normal hip-hop fare, because he honestly seems to believe that every one of his tiny ambient thoughts that pass through his mind are of earth-shattering importance, when really we’re just lucky if any of them actually rhyme.

It’s also why Kanye West is itching to get into television. Not so long ago there was talk of Kanye West making a Curb Your Enthusiasm-style sitcom about how hilarious it is to be a millionaire megastar, but without any of CYE‘s cynicism or storytelling or jokes. But sadly that idea died pretty sharpish, so Kanye West has moved on to Plan B. Puppets. The Hollywood Reporter reports:

Comedy Central has teamed with Kanye West for a project described as hip-hop meets the Muppets. A half-hour pilot has been shot for the project, tentatively titled “Alligator Boots.” It’s from Jackhole Prods., the production company founded by Jimmy Kimmel, Daniel Kellison and Adam Carolla that also was behind Comedy Central’s puppet-centric “Crank Yankers.”

Actually, for the most part we can see a glimmer of potential in this one. Ever since The Chappelle Show finished, there’s been a need for a show that combines hip-hop and comedy. And, judging by his videos, Kanye West seems to have a strong visual flair as well. So it’ll look good and have nice music. It’ll be as funny as fishing used tampons out of a river of shit with your mouth, but at least it’ll look good and have nice music.

However, we are still somewhat troubled by this whole ‘hip-hop meets the Muppets’ notion? Doesn’t Kanye West remember the puppet gang wars of the 1990s? We lost a lot of good men back then. Did Aloysius Snuffleupagus get a testicle blown off in a drive-by for nothing? Did he?