Befanged, alt.lifestyle tourist, Avril Lavigne, long ago decided that being a skatergirl wasn’t for her because acne, greasy hair and ill-fitting jeans wasn’t at all attractive. And so, she promptly went mental, spat at some photographers and became airbrushed.
Losing her raison d’être, she tottered off into some pop-twilight, only getting column inches for her clearly tedious private life.
Things livened up briefly when she got into a bar-room brawl with some women, which left her bozo hunk of a fella – Brody Jenner (how is that not a girl’s name?) – with a bit gash on his face. No, we’re not talking about him fellating Lavigne. Alas, now, she’s got nothing as the pair have decided to wave ta-ta to their relationship.
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Blink 182′s (pronounced ‘blink one hundred and eighty-two, or, if you prefer ‘oh god, it’s that dreadful puke mongers again!’) Travis Barker has decided to let the world know that he’s considering undergoing hypnotherapy to overcome his fear of flying.
Why does he have a fear of flying? Is it because he thinks that, if God intended man to fly, he would have given us wings or at the very least, put grass in the clouds?
Nope. It’s because a plane crash nearly killed him in 2008. You have to assume that the plane has heard Blink 182′s terrible take on punk rock and decided that enough was enough, aiming to either kill Barker or, at the least, maim him.
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So, this week marks the 20th anniversary of the release of Nirvana’s Nevermind LP. As such, it’s pretty much being regarded as grunge’s 20th birthday too, although, most of you will regard the start of the scene to be a much earlier date.
We even wrote about it, not that you cared. See? We can still bitch and whine like a first-rate grunge kid. YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND US!
Anyway, to celebrate this occasion, there’ll be a special airing of the full Paramount Theatre show in Seattle filmed back in 1991. You can watch it streamed live today!
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At hecklerspray, we like to take real celebrity news and mangle it until it barely resembles the original source material and then watch on and laugh as people take our word as gospel. Sometimes though, there are so many possible corruptions of a story that we’re forced to decide on just one. The others that are rejected instantly go into a state of depressive rage and begin to tear away at the backs of our minds until we eventually self-harm.
In an effort to stop that happening, this story contains 3 mini stories. Think of it as your favourite sitcom doing a clip show because they’ve run out of ideas or, if you will, the last two seasons of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. This is slightly different of course, we have too many ideas.
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You remember The Offspring, don’t you? They’re the ones that did that song about being ‘pretty fly’ despite being a white person. It’s a song which is basically about not mimicking black people. It’s one of those songs that has gone down in history as being the intellectual equivalent to ‘The Bad Touch’ by The Bloodhound Gang.
Well, if you were excited when that came out you’ll be delighted to hear that they’ve confirmed they are putting the finishing touches to the follow-up to 2008’s ‘Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace.’ Our source for this claimed that it was the ‘much-anticipated’ follow-up but even we’re not that sarcastic.
Singer Dexter Holland and guitarist Noodles told a very, very strangely set up podcast that the band have already finished the guitar and drum parts for the twelve tracks on the record and they are now working on the lyrics. Read More >>>
For a while, Avril Lavigne was one of the most famous people on Earth. She was a very marketable mix of Alanis Morrisette and Nu Metal and everyone wanted her to hurry up with the ageing process so they could stop feeling guilty for fancying her.
And her fangs.
Like Hubba Bubba, she quickly lost her flavour, spat at some photographers and started wearing dolly bird make-up… yet somehow, she still has something of a career. So while she toured herself to her dwindling audience, she figured she’d throw a cover version into her set. A Coldplay song no less. This is where one brave soul rushed the stage to try and stop this unfurling horror.
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During the summer if the heat gets too much, rather that buy a fan, consider inviting much-lauded Australian noise-merchants Parkway Drive over to play a quick set. We’ve never been cooled down by the breeze coming from speakers twenty metres away every time the bass drum is kicked.
Their career-spanning set got a reaction worthy of a headliner from the young audience. They alternated between punk-paced metal noise and sludgy breakdowns which conveniently let the old-timers do some slow-motion moshing.
There are few bands dividing people in the metal scene quite like Sheffield’s Bring Me The Horizon. Examine any left-of-centre genre and you’ll always find the band that makes people sneer.
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Punk tart, Iggy Pop, has revealed that he was approached to be a guest judge on American Idol, which of course, would have been an absolute hoot! Think about it. His boiled racehorse body and impossible teeth, glowering from behind a desk while someone sings ‘I Love Rock ‘N’ Roll at him.
Of course, there’ll be those amongst you who think that Ig sold out when he did those car insurance commercials. While they are undoubtedly bad, they’re nowhere near as awful as some of the bands he played with in the ’80s.
And so, prime Stooge to appear on a pop contest on television? What’s the kicker?
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