It is clear to anyone with eyes and a vague interest in the downfall of Justin Bieber, that he’s slowly turning into a superbrat, not to be trusted as far as he could be flung. He’s flipped the bird at paps and been icily cold in interviews.
And now, it looks like he’s breaking the heart of Selena Gomez, despite the fact his fans are all shouting ‘HE’S NOT LIKE THAT! JUSTIN WOULD NEVER DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT BECAUSE I KNOW HIM! AND I FEEL LIKE HE REALLY KNOWS ME TOO!’
Well Beliebers, looks like you didn’t know him at all because he’s been sending mucky text messages to another girl behind Selena’s back. The dirty rotten swine! Will he even autotune “you’re dumped, love” as well?
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Action Man dicked amniotic super-foetus Justin Bieber may have to go to big man’s court after getting in hot water (presumably not tested with an adult elbow first) after someone claimed that he owes them money for his obviously dreadful track One Less Lonely Girl.
Sadly, it isn’t clear whether Bieber has formed a human brain capable of dealing with the notion of ‘money’ yet. It’s alleged that Bieber ate his first royalty check before sneezing a spaghetti hoop out of his nostril.
Anyway, the wonderfully monickered Vance Tate and Thomas Oliveria (also known as A-Nus A-Rex) are going after him with bits of paper with legal words written on and a promise to give him a Chinese Burn and take away his blankie.
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That’s probably a gross title about a 17-year-old’s masturbatory efforts – but like this whole yelling mean things at people on the Internet for a living thing, we’re running with it.
Justin Bieber has reportedly been telling people that he had some kind of affectionate, pandering, possibly homoerotic meeting with Robert Pattinson that only took place at a delay once Robert was done applying the delightful body shimmer sample handed to him by the lady at the make-up counter.
In what would have been the most random meeting ever, even with a fanbase the same age, Justin recalled meeting the Twilight actor and there was something in there about hair envy and wanting to be like the actor when he grew up.
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Canada’s shame – Justin Bieber – has spoken of his desire to play the part of Oliver Twist as they share a common heritage. In addition to this, they also share the common trait of being easily led into money that comes around all too easily as the result of singing a few dreary, saccharine tunes that they didn’t actually write.
Young Justin Haircut’s dream to play the rags-to-riches runt can be traced back to being laughed out of Selena Gomez’s trailer after crawling towards her sighing “Please miss, I want some more.”
Unfortunately for Bieber, no-one on Earth can actually believe that he’s ever read the source material for Lionel Bart’s “classic” Oliver! Sources close to the star who, like most newspapers, we’ve made up claim that Bieber refuses to go to sleep unless someone reads the novelisation of ‘She’s All That’ to him every night but nothing has been conclusively proven yet.
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LET’S GET READY TO RHUMBLE! Supposedly hilarious Geordie duo Ant and Dec have put their fists where their mouths are and challenged the entire world to a fight.
After Ant (PJ) was attacked in a pub earlier this week for allegedly insulting the presenters of OK! TV for being “lobotomised scum-weasels”, Declan Donnelly (Duncan) has come out in support of his embattled friend with unusual vigour.
The BAFTA-winning ‘cheeky’ pair who are renowned for peddling inane, mawkish drivel to ITV’s dribbling weekend audience have seen their fair share of adversity since being plucked from the ganglands of Byker Grove in the early 1990s and have been implicated in multiple incidences of arms dealing and drug smuggling as well as extortion of charities.
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Imagine an adult human parading a child around at a cattle market before a bunch of other adults, all hooting a braying while vying for position, showing off photos of their own offspring in an attempt to make a pair of children have sex.
This may sound like the most distressing thing ever (or, MTV’s ‘Date My Mom’), but this is pretty much what happened when Selena Gomez go together with Justin Bieber.
Sweet Jeebus.
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Justin Bieber has had a waxwork unveiled at Madame Tussauds in London, with many gasping at just how human the dummy is in comparison to the thimble sized singer. Of course, stupid fans shrieked and yelped while trying to ignore the fact it doesn’t really look like him.
Needless to say, the Never Say Never star (surely, ‘Never Say Never’ should simply be called ‘Say’ then?) didn’t mind. It afforded him the chance to receive ultimately unrewarding adulation for looking exactly like himself.
Grinning like a tooth-filled dimwit, Bieber delivered a speech that the world’s greatest raconteur would be envious of. He said it was ‘awesome’.
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Just as we all assumed, Justin Bieber is turning into a sneering little brat… a git of the highest order. Throw endless attention at a child and he’ll repay you with the kind of behaviour that would embarrass your average MTV producer.
Now Bieber has had a film out and got himself a starlet girlfriend (who has had a face like a torn welly boot lately), he’s decided to stroppily stomp around the place and forget all that sheened professionalism that he’s had drummed into him by his army of men with flipcharts.
Don’t believe us?
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