Posts tagged as:

punch

Chris Brown Won’t Like The Levy Apology, But In Fairness, He Did Punch Rihanna Loads [video]

by Mof Gimmers

Chris ‘Slugger’ Brown. He’s a really famous guy isn’t he? He’s been welcomed back to the fold after he punched Rihanna so many times that she almost looked unattractive. Almost. You still would’ve, right? Anyway, ol’ good-with-his-hands Brown has mystifyingly been let-off for domestically abusing one-off all over RiRi’s face, which must provide great hope [...]

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Rihanna Gets With Someone Called ‘Love God’ For Obvious Reasons

by Mof Gimmers

After going out with Chris ‘Fists’ Brown, Rihanna has been looking out for someone to dominate her in the bedroom, but in a nice way. Not a Chris Brown way. She said she liked to be treated like a lady, but sometimes, she wants to err on the side of slap, rather than tickle. And [...]

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Rihanna Talks About Her Sex Life, Which Is Now Getting Quite Boring For Everyone

by Mof Gimmers

People talking about sex is rather dull isn’t it. There’s a widespread absence of imagination and titillation because we’ve all got access to it, constantly streaming from our computers. We don’t have to think anymore. It’s just… always there. And like those people who kid themselves that being into alt.smut is somehow better than trad.filth, [...]

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Rihanna Tries To Kill Everyone In Dallas As Stage Sets On Fire

by Mof Gimmers

Is everyone in Dallas a massive racist? They like the confederate flag over there, so they must be! Did they have lynchings as well? We’ve no idea. We don’t really like America. It’s a silly country with large portions and impossible dental work. We’re talking about the foibles of Dallas because we’re trying to work [...]

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Rihanna Sits On Toilet After Naked Photos Leaked Online

by Joanna Bolouri

For quite some time we’ve suspected that underneath Rihanna’s clothes, she is completely naked. We haven’t been able to prove it but we’ve been tossing and turning at night, well mainly tossing, deliberating over this issue and hoping one day we’d be in the position to shout from the rooftops of hecklerspray towers, ‘WE WERE [...]

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Rihanna, Unsurprisingly, Likes S&M (But Probably Because She Was Abused)

by Mof Gimmers

Remember when Rihanna had the dogshit knocked out of her by Chris Brown? That was bad wasn’t it? Well, prepare yourself for loads of people saying she asked for it because she likes S&M because, obviously, the two equate. That’s right masturbators! You can now plant a kinky image in your mind the next time [...]

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Chris Brown Has Grown Since Punching Rihanna And Now Really Respects Naked Gyrating Women

by Mof Gimmers

Chris Brown, astonishingly, feels that somehow, he’s the victim in the whole ‘Rihanna got punched in the face by Chris Brown’ thing. That is why his new album is an acronym for ‘Forgiving All My Enemies’. His current enemy seems to be a window of a TV studio (more on that here) after they reminded [...]

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Justin Bieber Won’t Be Doing Anything Interesting Like Being Charged With Assault

by Mof Gimmers

Earlier in the year, some kid apparently called Justin Bieber ‘a faggot’ while they were playing at a Lazer Quest or something. Of course, the shocking news here is that people still indulge in laser tag – what is this – 1995? We, thought that, for once, Bieber should have given the little adversary a [...]

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Justin Bieber Probably Should Have Punched Someone Who Called Him A “Faggot”

by Mof Gimmers

There’s a lot of things you can call Justin Bieber in the name of a cheap joke, like ‘dancing foetus’ or ‘amniotic squirt’, but one thing you shouldn’t be calling people is ‘faggot’. Of course, it’s insulting to say that being gay is a negative to which you should slate people with, but more importantly, [...]

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Lily Allen Delivers Street Justice on Video. Also: Swears a Lot.

by Ian Dransfield

Lily Allen – she’s that one who had pink hair, a godawful TV show and is generally a waste of space. Yeah, that sounds about right. Well now it would seem she’s got herself into MMA – that’s mixed martial arts – with some hardcore street fighting action. Well, hardcore may be a bit far, [...]

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