prostitutes - HecklerSpray

Preposterously Dull Alexandra Burke Has Boyfriend Replacement Team On Standby

March 6th, 2012 By Michael Park

We all know that relationships are tough, even for the most boring people amongst us. Actually, especially for them. Imagine having nothing to say to someone that you think you love but you’re too much of a dullard to actually express the emotion. That must be heart-rending.

See the link? Yes, that’s right folks X Factor 200- err… winner Alexandra Burke has come out and claimed that she finds her long-distance relationship with Marcus Anthony (not the J.Lo one) “hard”.

The queen of fantastic adjectives has stated that it sometimes makes her “sad” and is “not nice”.

Stephen Hawking’s Brief History Of Swinging

March 1st, 2012 By Kris Silver

If you were regarded as the smartest man on the planet, with a mind that had single handedly advanced scientific knowledge in countless ways, what would you do with your free time?

Would you potter about your house?theorising?how the Universe came into being? Maybe you'd hold a dinner party with your peers, discussing what lies in store for the rest of us mere mortals? Or would you get freaky with a harem of naked beach babes in a California swingers club?

Well, if you're Stephen Hawking, the answer is to roll yourself on down to the meat market and perform your own version of the Big Bang.

Charlie Sheen To Grin Through The Tears At Comedy Roast Before Hitting The Drugs Again

July 6th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

For all the misery that Charlie Sheen has put us through since his wheeze of Being A Nutter got tired, we’ve all been waiting for some comeback. We kinda hoped he’d OD on bad drugs surrounded by prostitutes rifling his pockets, but alas, it wasn’t to be.

In fact, since Chuck Sheeno knocked the drugs on the head, the best he’s offered is a stupid custody case which is less interesting as watching nana trying to work a television remote.

However, we might get to see his uncomfortable face grinning while he masks the stabbing pain of being torn eight new arseholes as it transpires he’ll be subject to one of those fine American institutions – The Comedy Roast.

Girls Aloud Are Nothing But Whores

December 1st, 2010 By Matthew Laidlow

In Victorian times, a lady flashing just her ankles as she walked down the cobbled streets would send men and closet lesbians in to a wild frenzy. As time evolved, so did the styling of female clothing seen on a Friday or Saturday night. Off went the figure hiding gowns and flowing full length dresses. Out came hot pants, boob-tubes and not a lot else.

According to our calculations, you\’ll just need to visit Newcastle city centre in 2017 to see its inhabitants literally wearing takeaway menus to cover their bits and bobs.

So what's the problem? Those observing people who choose to reveal a lot of flesh instantly label them as whores and slags, which of course, isn’t always the case. However, the Girls Aloud PR team will be trying to rebut such slurs as an early shot of the band has been picked up by none other than a Russian escort website.

Kerry Katona Invites Everyone To Point Out How Rubbish She Is After She Slags Off Wayne Rooney

September 15th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

Of all the celebrities in the known universe, Kerry Katona has to be one of the most gaspingly awful. She couldn’t really sing, can’t really muster up the acting talent to get through an Iceland commercial and is only ever on the radar elsewhere when she’s making a mess of her life.

There is, naturally, a human under all this, but that shouldn’t stop us from being idiotically nasty about her because basically, that’s our job… just as hers is to provide us all with the ammo to throw back at her.

And so, what’s she up to now? Well, she’s actively encouraging us to sharpen our arrows and prime our slings as she’s ranted and spat about Wayne Rooney’s alleged infidelity with a prostitute, dubbing it “absolutely disgusting”.

WEBTHUMP! Tuesday 2 December 2008

August 6th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

10 – 100 movie spoilers in four minutes, as read by some idiots…

9 – Good things to do with lightning – I09

8 – The Cruises and the Beckhams continue their festive turd-off – Popsugar

7 – Some fools decide that the title Tron 2 doesn’t sound enough like the name of a trashy celebrity website. Changes are made accordingly – Cinemablend

6 – A picture of a big bird, anyone? OK – Flickr

5 – The MySpace page of a hecklerspray reader who we accidentally insulted in print yesterday – MySpace

Ronaldo And The Three Transvestite Prostitutes

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Footballers often come in for a lot of criticism because they earn obscene amounts of money and are all dumber than dust.

But not all footballers fit this stereotype. Look at Brazilian football ace Ronaldo, for example – sure, he’s neck-deep in cash from playing for AC Milan, but you can’t call him stupid. Why, earlier this week Ronaldo displayed his dazzling intellect by picking up three prostitutes as soon as his girlfriend had turned his back. Three prostitutes that turned out to be men. But just because Ronaldo can’t tell the difference between men and women, it doesn’t mean that he’s stupid.

Oh, who are we kidding, yes it does. It means Ronaldo is probably the most dribblingly stupid cack-brained single-digit-IQed crosseyed dunderhead ever to pull a radio to pieces to see where the little talking men are hiding. Probably.