Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
Don't you just hate it when, say, a blessed angel straight from heaven hands you a set of golden plates that describe a visit of Jesus to American Indians, and then expects you to make a religion out of it?
Yeah, life sure is funny. Well, sure enough, that is exactly what happened to Joseph Smith, the founder of the Mormon Church, in 1827.
So naturally, you ask, what might Tom Hanks have to say about all this? Well, as it turns out, plenty, or now nothing, or, hell, here it is…
Know Wanda Sykes? She’s gay. Don’t know Wanda Sykes? Wanda Sykes is gay. Know that Wanda Sykes is gay? There’s nothing for you here.
But, yes, Wanda Sykes is gay. Sykes came out this weekend at a gay rally in Las Vegas this weekend, possibly as a reaction to news that Proposition 8 was supposedly voted through on the African American vote, or possibly just because Wanda Sykes knows that California’s lawmakers are huge fans of her films Evan Almighty and My Super-Ex Girlfriend and thought she could influence them by being gay.
But let’s look at the big picture here – Wanda Sykes is gay. That means we’re either going to have to strike her off our list of potential wives or grow a vagina. And, since we quite liked Wanda Sykes’ voice work on Brother Bear 2, it looks like we’ll be spending the next few months with our willy in a propagator, willing it to develop a labia or something. We don’t really know how it works.
In the old days, MTV used to show music videos that artists made to promote their new single.
But now in our modern society, MTV has changed and only offers programming that really has nothing to do with music. Well, Tim Westwood does play records we guess.
One of the most popular shows is The Hills. A reality show where we get to compare our own grim lives to those of some trendy twentysomething spoilt tits. Known for being a bit dim, Spencer from the show has decided to open his gob and speak about Proposition 8, the big hot topic in California at the moment. Remember, we did say he’s known for being a bit dim.
Steven Spielberg loves his causes. The International Industry Foundation, Starlight, Beards For Babies, Tennis For Tortoises – the list goes on.
And Steven Spielberg has a lot to thank the gay community for – it’s a scientific fact that the only people who’ve actually paid to see a Steven Spielberg film in the last five years are gay, whether they’ll admit it to themselves or not.
So it goes without saying that Steven Spielberg was only too happy to financially support the fight against Proposition 8, the amendment to California law that will ban the recently unbanned act of gay marriage. Spielberg has donated $100,000 to the cause. If it succeeds, every gay couple in California will be lining up to thank Steven Spielberg for his time and support. And if he fails, at least he’ll be able to say he tried. Either way – cocktails!
Brad Pitt is a gay-friendly actor, partly because of his understanding and support of the gay community, and partly because he got his bum out in Troy.
And now the gay community needs Brad Pitt more than ever. Remember how the gay marriage ban was overturned in California recently? Well, that might be overturned soon, and the gay community is worried about the proposed overturn of the overturn. That’s why Brad Pitt has donated $100,000 to fight the overturn. Not because he’s sensitive to gay issues, but because he’s sick of everyone saying the word ‘overturn’ all the poxy time.
So, having fixed Africa, New Orleans and now civil unions between homosexuals, Brad Pitt can move onto tackling his most serious issue yet – the way that sometimes you buy a CD and the teeth that are supposed to hold the CD in place have broken and the CD slides about all over the place. We’re with you all the way, Brad.
