Posts tagged as:

privacy

Robert Pattinson Deemed Too Boring To Play The Lifeless Corpse Of Jeff Buckley

by Mof Gimmers

Look. Look at Robert Pattinson. Jesus Christ. How boring can a human be? He’s so terminally dull that light often refuses to reflect off him, leaving him a walking shadow, slowly chewing sandwiches that contain nothing more than margarine and tedium. And so, it comes as little surprise that he hasn’t been chosen to rock [...]

8 comments Read more >>>

Robert Pattinson Hints At Kristen Stewart Relationship To Wake Everyone Up From Crippling Boredom

by Mof Gimmers

Remember Robert Pattinson? Apart from those of you who become aroused at the very sight of his perfectly square face, chances are, you barely recall him because he’s just so amazingly dull. So dull that no-one has ever heard the end of one of his sentences. Ever. The only thing of note is that everyone [...]

3 comments Read more >>>

Dripping With Gunk, Robert Pattinson Is Or Isn’t Going Behind Kristen Stewart’s Back With Caitlin Cronenberg

by Mof Gimmers

Its a good job that Robert Pattinson is good-looking. He wouldn’t be famous otherwise would he? Here, we have a young man with all the personality of a whisk and the acting prowess of a SCART lead. Yet, time and time again, he’s rumoured to be having it away with some pretty thing behind Kristen [...]

4 comments Read more >>>

Ryan Giggs To Stuff Brother’s Mouth With Money For Silence Before Sloping Into Retirement

by Mof Gimmers

Ryan Giggs may have won just about everything a footballer can win at club level, but really, what he most excels in is How To Balls Up A Brilliant Career By Completely Mismanaging A Scandal Surrounding Your Sex Life Forever And Ever. So badly has Giggs played the whole injunction/Imogen Thomas thing, is that he’s [...]

1 comment Read more >>>

Ryan Giggs Allegedly Affairs One Off With Two Injunctionless Women, Including His Sister-In-Law

by Mof Gimmers

If the rumours about Ryan Giggs are true, then he’s a class act. For years, he appeared to be the model professional footballer, quietly going about his business and winning more trophies than is decent. However, everyone (apart from sallow Man United fans) has forgotten all about that as his erect member appears to be [...]

1 comment Read more >>>

Robert Pattinson And Kristen Stewart To Cut Back On Partying, Meaning That They Nearly Don’t Exist Now

by Mof Gimmers

Christ on a pogo stick! Could Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart possibly become anymore boring than they already are? Bearing in mind that between them, their collective presence makes a room filled with motionless, beige mannequins look like a riot in Studio 54. But wait! Despite the fact that these two take up perfectly good [...]

0 comments Read more >>>

Robert Pattinson Swears In Attempt To Have Personality

by Mof Gimmers

Robert Pattinson, a chap so boring that yawning has been known to slit its wrists in his presence, has done a swear on the tellybox, prompting hysterical fangirls to flood their gussets with a mixture of arousal and mirth. That’s right! Despite having all the charisma of those plastic protector guards you get on new [...]

8 comments Read more >>>

Imogen Thomas Loved Him, And In Unrelated News, Stacey Giggs Will Not Allow Her Marriage To Fail

by Mof Gimmers

We don’t know where we’re at with this stupid, pointless superinjunction story. Can we say THE PLAYER’s name now? Everyone else has been screaming it from the rooftops, yet some are still saying that the superinjunction is still in place and that we’ll be in trouble if we say it. As we don’t really know [...]

3 comments Read more >>>

Imogen Thomas In Legal Limbo As Footballer Is Raptured By God Almighty

by Mof Gimmers

There’s been a lot of talk about a superinjunction this weekend, concerning a footballer who has allegedly been doing absolutely nothing wrong. In fact, what has happened is that the footballer in question has simply ceased to exist, with some theorising that he’s been raptured by God Almighty. In a weekend that saw internet searches [...]

0 comments Read more >>>

Super Injunctions Leaked On Twitter For Us All To Chortle At

by Mof Gimmers

Before we even begin, what you’re about to read could well be the biggest crock of fibs you’ll ever read. And we don’t know where we stand legally on the whole thing. However, it is scurrilous rumour and that’ll do for us! See, what happened over the weekend, should you have missed it, is that [...]

0 comments Read more >>>

← Previous Entries

Next Entries →