Posts tagged as:

Prison

Lindsay Lohan Shouts The Word ‘Tea’ At Everyone Sniffing Her For Booze Pong

by Mof Gimmers

Queen Trash, Lindsay Lohan, has had her feet up at home while under arrest for sorta stealing a necklace. It really has been one of the most boring arrests in history. No prison memoirs, no rioting in the food hall, no violence, no drugs… just a weary unfurling of office admin and vague inconvenience. This [...]

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R Kelly Getting Sued By Former Manager So We Can Make Obvious Jokes About You Know What

by Mof Gimmers

R Kelly is being sued by former manager Jeff Kwatinetz for over $1 million. While that’s all very interesting and we’ll mention it later in the article, this is obviously not the reason we’re running the story. Clearly, we want to make jokes about R Kelly and sex with minors. Of course, Kelly hasn’t ever [...]

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Ja Rule Lives Up To Rap Stereotype By Getting Imprisoned On Gun Charges

by Mof Gimmers

Remember Ja Rule? He was really popular for about 10 minutes a few years ago. His rapping style is astonishing too. The sound is somewhere between talking to a man in a headlock, a deaf cow and the sound of gravel being thrown at a double bass. Unless you’re the kind of person who lusts [...]

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Hecklerspray Writer Hit With 2 Year Restraining Order By Lindsay Lohan

by Mof Gimmers

It has finally happened. A celebrity has actually gone and banned us from rummaging through their bins, standing silently on their lawn and breaking into their house to sniff the laundry basket and fall asleep, face down, with their undergarments on our faces. That celebrity is Lindsay Lohan. See, on Wednesday, she won a two-year [...]

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It’s Your Fault Paris Hilton Lost Her Star Power. And For That, We Thank You.

by Amy Grindhouse

First things first. We’re using ‘star power’ in its loosest of meanings. As loose as a certain part of Paris Hilton’s very anatomy, you might say. She had some strange kind of fame that was based on a filthy tape that was meant to be sent to a nature channel but some perverts packaged it [...]

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Lindsay Lohan’s Electronic Ankle Tag Starts Beeping Which Is Interesting

by Mof Gimmers

Now that Lindsay Lohan is under house arrest, she’s probably turned into a bit of a borebag. Her life has gone from wildly reckless and grottily glamorous to that of a student, loafing about and switching channels on the TV while sat in greasy undercrackers. Gone are the days when she’d have sex with either [...]

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Samy Naceri Displays Behaviour That Would Make Charlie Sheen Cry

by Mof Gimmers

Samy Naceri? Who in shit’s name is he? Well, he’s an actor who was in Taxi and Days of Glory? Okay? Just that justify him being on these pages? It shouldn’t matter really as he’s got arrested for flashing, which is hilarious. That’s right, while dealing with autograph hunters, Samy decided to bare his arse [...]

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We Forgot To Laugh At Pete Doherty Getting Sent To Prison

by Mof Gimmers

Foetid, seeping, singing pus-sac – Pete Doherty – has had his stinkin’ behind hauled into jail after being a complete waste of everybody’s time and energy. Of course, this cements his place as an artistic-martyr to the scum that follow this godforsaken warbler, all now destined to write awful poetry in their mildew riddled hovels. [...]

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Lindsay Lohan Gets A Restraining Order To Add To Her Completely Normal Life

by Mof Gimmers

We may well think of Lindsay Lohan as a jewel thief, booze-hoover and sometime thespian, but really, we should think of her as a piece of legal furniture. So frequently has LiLo been involved with matters of the law, that she’s probably the most qualified person in the USA when it comes to a person’s [...]

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And So, Judge Gives Lindsay Lohan 120 Days In Jail For Swiping Gaudy Necklace

by Mof Gimmers

Lindsay Lohan has been sentenced to 120 days in jail for making off with that necklace from a shop that seemed rather happy to tout their CCTV footage around, which is all rather grisly and backstabby. Ergo, it’s fantastic and we’re all for it. Thankfully for LiLo though, she’s famous, which means she won’t get [...]

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