Articles tagged with: Prison
Richard Hatch Gets Out Of Prison To Go To Jail
Prison is no doubt filled with horrible things - throat stabbings, for instance. Richard Hatch must have felt like a kitten in a cathouse, then, when he and his throat were allowed to finish out the rest of their incarceration from deep within his sister's house. Hatch had probably already altered his orange jumpsuit to include velvety frills and sparkles galore when suddenly there was a pounding on the door. It was the cops, and do you know what they did? They dragged Hatch off to a local jail, that's what. What could he possibly have done?!
Prison is no doubt filled with horrible things - throat stabbings, for instance. Richard Hatch must have felt like a kitten in a cathouse, then, when he and his throat were allowed to finish out the rest of their incarceration from deep within his sister's house. Hatch had probably already altered his orange jumpsuit to include velvety frills and sparkles galore when suddenly there was a pounding on the door. It was the cops, and do you know what they did? They dragged Hatch off to a local jail, that's what. What could he possibly have done?!
15 Months In Jail For Manwhore-Chaining Boy George
Remember how Boy George once cameoed on The A-Team, a show about men jailed for a crime they didn't commit? Well now Boy George has more in common with them than ever. Because he too has been jailed for a crime that... oh no, wait, Boy George did chain that Norwegian prostitute up and threaten to kill him, didn't he? In that case, ignore everything we just said. Boy George has been sentenced to 15 month in jail for falsely imprisoning a manwhore. Logic states that he'll be out in seven for good behaviour, but reality states that he probably won't because he's a dickhead.
Remember how Boy George once cameoed on The A-Team, a show about men jailed for a crime they didn't commit? Well now Boy George has more in common with them than ever. Because he too has been jailed for a crime that... oh no, wait, Boy George did chain that Norwegian prostitute up and threaten to kill him, didn't he? In that case, ignore everything we just said. Boy George has been sentenced to 15 month in jail for falsely imprisoning a manwhore. Logic states that he'll be out in seven for good behaviour, but reality states that he probably won't because he's a dickhead.
Britney Spears Will Pretty Much Never Be Happy Again
So Britney Spears, you're a number one singer, you can see your children more often and your hair's grown back - are you happy? No. No, obviously Britney Spears isn't happy. In fact, judging by the slivers that have been leaked out about next month's Britney Spears documentary Britney: For The Record, the poor girl seems sadder than ever. In the documentary, you see, Britney Spears compares her entire life to a prison sentence. That's not so bad, really - at least in prison you get three square meals a day, a bed to sleep on and as many violent bummings as a girl could wish for - but Britney Spears goes one step further than that. In fact, Britney Spears says her life is like Groundhog Day. And since that means it'll culminate in a romantic encounter with Andie MacDowell, it's clearly far far worse than any of us could possible imagine.
So Britney Spears, you're a number one singer, you can see your children more often and your hair's grown back - are you happy? No. No, obviously Britney Spears isn't happy. In fact, judging by the slivers that have been leaked out about next month's Britney Spears documentary Britney: For The Record, the poor girl seems sadder than ever. In the documentary, you see, Britney Spears compares her entire life to a prison sentence. That's not so bad, really - at least in prison you get three square meals a day, a bed to sleep on and as many violent bummings as a girl could wish for - but Britney Spears goes one step further than that. In fact, Britney Spears says her life is like Groundhog Day. And since that means it'll culminate in a romantic encounter with Andie MacDowell, it's clearly far far worse than any of us could possible imagine.
Prison’s Simply Too Ghastly For Poor Raffaello Follieri
Three weeks ago Anne Hathaway's ex-boyfriend Raffaello Follieri was sent to jail for defrauding strangers out of their savings. And get this - he's not enjoying it. Apparently the prison service didn't get Raffaello Follieri's memo about the goose-feather pillows, double-quilted toilet roll or how he wanted a cell with a veranda overlooking the lake and, well, he's thrown a bit of a strop about it. According to reports, Raffaello Follieri has already requested to move jails because the one he's in is unsanitary and he's got blood in his urine. We don't know exactly how Raffaello got blood in his urine, but since he's sharing a windowless dormitory with 120 criminals and he looks exactly like the gruesome lovechild of Piers Morgan and Zach Braff, we'd probably guess that he's been beaten up a bit.
Three weeks ago Anne Hathaway's ex-boyfriend Raffaello Follieri was sent to jail for defrauding strangers out of their savings. And get this - he's not enjoying it. Apparently the prison service didn't get Raffaello Follieri's memo about the goose-feather pillows, double-quilted toilet roll or how he wanted a cell with a veranda overlooking the lake and, well, he's thrown a bit of a strop about it. According to reports, Raffaello Follieri has already requested to move jails because the one he's in is unsanitary and he's got blood in his urine. We don't know exactly how Raffaello got blood in his urine, but since he's sharing a windowless dormitory with 120 criminals and he looks exactly like the gruesome lovechild of Piers Morgan and Zach Braff, we'd probably guess that he's been beaten up a bit.
Nick Hogan Out Of Jail, Back In The Arms Of His Mannish Family
Good news, fans of exploitative reality TV shows starring box-faced young criminal goons - Nick Hogan has been released from jail! 166 days after he went to prison for crashing his car spectacularly enough to require his friend John Graziano to receive constant medical attention, Hulk Hogan's son Nick Hogan has been released from jail. And, with soul-destroying inevitability, Nick Hogan is now thought to want a reality TV show about his life on the outside. It'd be a good show, though, because Nick Hogan is bound to have been though new experiences during his jail sentence and sharing those experiences will be Nick Hogan's way of giving something back. The only question is the name of the show - there's already been a Hogan Knows Best and a Brooke Knows Best so... wait! We've got it! How about Nick Hogan Remembers Getting Anally Brutalised By An Arsonist? You know, provided that happened.
Good news, fans of exploitative reality TV shows starring box-faced young criminal goons - Nick Hogan has been released from jail! 166 days after he went to prison for crashing his car spectacularly enough to require his friend John Graziano to receive constant medical attention, Hulk Hogan's son Nick Hogan has been released from jail. And, with soul-destroying inevitability, Nick Hogan is now thought to want a reality TV show about his life on the outside. It'd be a good show, though, because Nick Hogan is bound to have been though new experiences during his jail sentence and sharing those experiences will be Nick Hogan's way of giving something back. The only question is the name of the show - there's already been a Hogan Knows Best and a Brooke Knows Best so... wait! We've got it! How about Nick Hogan Remembers Getting Anally Brutalised By An Arsonist? You know, provided that happened.
Gary Glitter Kicked Out of Everywhere: Forced to Come Back to the Open, Welcoming Arms of Britain
When will Gary Glitter realise that his punishment isn't over? Yes, he served three years in a Vietnamese prison for molesting young girls, but when he eventually gets back to Britain - where seemingly everyone in South East Asia is trying to make him go - he's not going to be able to sit back, relax and record his new album as he said he wants to. Though we are convinced that being a convicted kiddy fiddler wouldn't stand in the way of chart success. But Gary Glitter is making it all rather hard on himself, by refusing to travel back to the UK to face his further punishments. Instead he's running about like a paedo-Benny Hill from airport to airport around the Asian region he was kicked out of, being turned away from one country then the next as everywhere locks arms with the sole purpose of keeping him out. Now we're all for human rights, we can be surprisingly liberal and we believe in equality for all - but we can't help but find all this delightfully funny. No one likes you Glitter, and no one wants you.
When will Gary Glitter realise that his punishment isn't over? Yes, he served three years in a Vietnamese prison for molesting young girls, but when he eventually gets back to Britain - where seemingly everyone in South East Asia is trying to make him go - he's not going to be able to sit back, relax and record his new album as he said he wants to. Though we are convinced that being a convicted kiddy fiddler wouldn't stand in the way of chart success. But Gary Glitter is making it all rather hard on himself, by refusing to travel back to the UK to face his further punishments. Instead he's running about like a paedo-Benny Hill from airport to airport around the Asian region he was kicked out of, being turned away from one country then the next as everywhere locks arms with the sole purpose of keeping him out. Now we're all for human rights, we can be surprisingly liberal and we believe in equality for all - but we can't help but find all this delightfully funny. No one likes you Glitter, and no one wants you.
Lindsay Lohan’s Dad Won’t Take Her up the Aisle
She may have officially become one of the world's dullest people, not bothering to get into even the most minor of mishaps, but we're still sticking with the girl. Because we like Lindsay Lohan - how could we not? She's given us so much entertainment, so many words to write and so much vitriolic rage to spew. It's hard to be really very mad at an old friend. But it wouldn't seem that hard for Lindsay's 'born-again Christian ex-convict of an absentee father' (copyright Stuart Heritage 2008), Michael Lohan, to give up on his own flesh and blood for mere 'religious' reasons. Big Mike has decided he can't walk his daughter down the aisle should her rumoured gay wedding come to fruition, as it would go against his born-again Christianity belief system. You've got to love religion. Especially when it's one that you've been turned on to about four minutes ago. Whereas your daughter has been around for most of her life. Can't argue with the man's priorities, we suppose.
She may have officially become one of the world's dullest people, not bothering to get into even the most minor of mishaps, but we're still sticking with the girl. Because we like Lindsay Lohan - how could we not? She's given us so much entertainment, so many words to write and so much vitriolic rage to spew. It's hard to be really very mad at an old friend. But it wouldn't seem that hard for Lindsay's 'born-again Christian ex-convict of an absentee father' (copyright Stuart Heritage 2008), Michael Lohan, to give up on his own flesh and blood for mere 'religious' reasons. Big Mike has decided he can't walk his daughter down the aisle should her rumoured gay wedding come to fruition, as it would go against his born-again Christianity belief system. You've got to love religion. Especially when it's one that you've been turned on to about four minutes ago. Whereas your daughter has been around for most of her life. Can't argue with the man's priorities, we suppose.
Gary Glitter to be Released From Prison: Lock up Your Kids (in Vietnam, at Least)
Everyone's favourite gang member, Gary Glitter, is to be released later this month, much to the delight of... seemingly no one. If you've wanted to be in his gang for the last three years, but have been wondering what in the blue hell has been going on - fret not! For Gary Glitter is going to be released from the Vietnamese prison where he has been held since 2005 on child molestation charges. Mark the August 19 in your diaries, devout fans and potential lynchmobs!
Everyone's favourite gang member, Gary Glitter, is to be released later this month, much to the delight of... seemingly no one. If you've wanted to be in his gang for the last three years, but have been wondering what in the blue hell has been going on - fret not! For Gary Glitter is going to be released from the Vietnamese prison where he has been held since 2005 on child molestation charges. Mark the August 19 in your diaries, devout fans and potential lynchmobs!
