French bread and French people.
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It’s official! Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time is the best film ever to be adapted from a computer game. Sorry Kirby: Fright to the Finish!! fans.
The problem is that that’s a plaudit on a level with being the best-looking EastEnders star, the least nightmarish member of the Dolmio Family or the twin in Jedward who the average man on the street would least like to push under a bus.
The bar is that low when it comes to movies based on video games. They are that bad. So bad, in fact, that there is a special level of Hell where they run on a constant loop. An eternity of drinking pus and having your liver nibbled on by vultures is one thing, but there is nothing quite like watching StreetFighter until Judgement Day to make you re-assess your life choices. Just ask Judas, Joseph Stalin and Thora Hird.
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In the beginning Prince Of Persia was a game. And then someone made Prince Of Persia: The Film Of The Game. And now, with Prince Of Persia: The Forgotten Sands, it looks like somebody has made Prince Of Persia: The Game Of The Film Of The Game.
Next, logically, will come Prince Of Persia: The Film Of The Game Of The Film Of The Game. But let’s not concern ourselves with that. Prince Of Persia: The Forgotten Sands is a Prince Of Persia game, but it’s also a bit like Canabalt – you have one button to jump and that’s basically it. And you can reverse time, too. Oh, you’ll get the hang of it.
Play Prince Of Persia: The Forgotten Sands now
This week in cool and crud.
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Cool uncle and embarrassing aunt.
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- The Chase from Midnight Express – Club Version (very Berlin. Then again you could remix Giorgio Moroder‘s alarm clock and make a decent track)
- Films on the telly (why are they always more fun than putting on a DVD?)
- Be miserable (doctor’s orders)
- Donut Drake in Uncharted 2 (such a laugh climbing on the wrecked train and the pipes break)
- New Avatar trailer (we can stop sweating, this actually looks pretty good now)
Creased:
- Prince of Persia movie trailer (they’re thinking Pirates; they’re getting Hercules)
- Fireworks… (do THIS. Not nice)
- 50 Cent (officially plastic)
- Greg James (the worst DJ Radio One has ever employed. And that’s saying something)
- Hackers (why do they get such a cool nickname? Let’s call them bottom feeding pissants instead)
10 – The Rolling Stones did a television advert for Rice Krispies in 1963. This, somewhat unbelievably, is the truth – Mychemicaltoilet
9 – Max Branning Off EastEnders: a much-needed critical evaluation – Watchwithmothers
8 - Interestment asks: ‘what is cool?’ Some idiots sort of stutter and look confused. Excellent – Interestment
7 - A webcam of some squirrels. Warning: this may restore your faith in planet Earth - UStream
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It’s time to grab your joysticks and join us on a trip down Memory Lane, as we look back at the best computer games of the 1980s.
Now, some of our younger readers are probably thinking there were no decent games during that time. And they would be at least half right. Let’s face it – nostalgia apart – there was a lot of games which sucked around that time. We love to reminisce about these old games – but have you actually gone back and played on them? Sheesh!
They usually involved breaking your joysticks or C64, Spectrum or Atari keyboards just to make a mess of pixels and garish colours move across a screen as fast as possible. Then there was the terrible sound and the seemingly endless amount of time you had to stare at the loading screens.
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French bread and French people.
