As Michael Jackson was born of his mother’s womb while filming a Pepsi commercial with his hair on fire, his main thought was probably about how he’d one day like to inflict that same pain onto his own child.

And now he finally will. As everybody who enjoys watching glittery skeletons dance all about already knows, MJ is having a series of big comeback gigs this summer – and he’s reportedly decided to use the opportunity to launch the career of his 12-year-old son Prince Michael I.

At this time last year Michael Jackson was just a guy who enjoyed dressing like a woman while applying makeup to his face in public Bahraini women’s bathrooms. An awful lot has changed since then, though. For instance he’s not in Bahrain right now. Another thing that’s changed is that people are once again willing to give him money. This is great news for all of his bleeding giraffes. With Jackson’s new found income its possible they can once again afford to scab properly.

This summer as Jackson plays at the London O2 Arena, over one million people will have seen his knees creek dozens of times while he tries unsuccessfully to slide his feet backwards in a smooth manner by the time of the final curtain call. One million is a huge number – and Jackson probably realises that. We said probably. That’s why he’s going to use that opportunity to launch his oldest son into the musical spotlight.

If what the Daily Star says is true, then:

“Pop legend Michael Jackson is set to introduce a surprise special guest at his first London show – his son Prince Michael I. The lad, 12, will make his stage debut at the O2 Arena after being hidden from the world for years. Jacko, 50, has covered his three children in blankets and masks for most of their lives. But he is set to unveil Prince Michael to the world as he carries on the Jackson showbiz family tradition.”

We can hear the conversation now – backstage Prince Michael I (PMI) will be enjoying a nice video game while his dad comes in winded for a costume change and says:

Jacko: Get out there son. It’s your turn.

PMI: Buuuut Daaaaad! I don’t wanna do the zombie dance!

Jacko: (changing his shirt) Just get out there and do the zombie!

PMI: I don’t wanna!

Jacko: (changing his pants) Fine, then no more alleged wine-filled sleepovers for you at other adult males’ houses.

Then PMI sulks to the stage and does the zombie dance, but the audience can tell his heart’s not in it.

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