Yeah, that sounds about right. Well now it would seem she’s got herself into MMA – that’s mixed martial arts – with some hardcore street fighting action. Well, hardcore may be a bit far, but Lily Allen did go and try to beat up a random French girl for insulting her.

And we shouldn’t forget that she also managed to swear like a navvie, and she managed to do all of this in front of about 32,000 paparazzi and other press hounds. Not a bad effort, we have to say. But to top off all the topping offs that could be topped off, there’s a video too – and it’s after the jump.

Yes, we thought we’d managed to get rid of her to our good friends in the US, but it would seem we’ve struck out in that respect and Lily remains firmly on British soil.

Exiting Ronnie Scott’s jazz club in London, Lily was apparently abused by a French passer-by, which caused her to react in a way befitting of any Brit taking issue with a Frenchie: through the art of violence.

Unfortunately, the battering took on something of a pathetic form and was easily upstaged by Allen’s hilarious foul mouth, which managed to put even the great swear-machine Brian Blessed to shame.

While it would appear Lily Allen isn’t taking her own advice, at least it looks like she is following through with her attempted crusade to rid the streets of violence. Though we didn’t expect her to get rid of it personally, nor did we expect her to get rid of violence with violence.

But we’re not questioning her logic – we don’t want to be battered, for one.

Rather than natter on any more, why don’t we just let you see for yourselves – here we have Lily Allen, attempting to punch a French girl, failing, swearing a lot and being calmed down by Miquita Oliver who used to be on Popworld.

It really does have it all – tension, violence, beauty, international appeal, a resolution and a lesson at the end of it all: “violence is bad.”

(Alright, so we’ll admit that video’s a bit rubbish, but it’s better than most of the other ones around and we couldn’t embed the one that The Sun has up – but hey, at least you can hear her swearing like a disgruntled navvie, eh?)

Fortunately, the girl saw sense and has shed that disgusting weight that was – both figuratively and literally – holding her down. Yes, friends, Jennifer Love Hewitt has gone and lost 18 pounds, after those photos appeared of her last year when she looked normal.

Obviously when we say ‘normal’ it’s meant by our standards – if we were judging by the usual Hollywood standards then you could take it to mean ‘foul, disgusting and haggish, really fat and unworthy of ever working on anything – film, TV or even radio – ever again’.

Because apparently that’s what we consider ‘normal’ is to these people.

It was around November of last year when these evil, disgusting photos emerged – around the time Jennifer had confirmed her engagement to a man who did some voice overs in Call of Duty 2. She was pictured frolicking around in a bikini, in some water, without a size 0 waist.

This was, apparently, tantamount to a war crime. The holocaust had nothing on her hips. The world of showbiz news went (quite literally) insane, but Jennie Loving Hew stuck to her guns, telling people:

“I’ve sat by in silence for a long time now about the way women’s bodies are constantly scrutinized. To set the record straight, I’m not upset for me, but for all of the girls out there that are struggling with their body image.”

The newly-appointed crusader for moral weight-related justice went on:

“A size 2 is not fat! Nor will it ever be. And being a size 0 doesn’t make you beautiful. I know what I look like, and so do my friends and family, and like all women out there should, I love my body.”

After thankfully making it clear that she knew how much she had disgusted us all with her blubberous behind by acknowledging she ‘knew what she looked like’, she finished by saying:

“To all girls with butts, boobs, hips and a waist, put on a bikini – put it on and stay strong.”

Which obviously made us all vomit everywhere straight away, as the sheer thought of someone that didn’t look like a carbon copy of a stick insect brings the bile rushing up faster than we could ever hope to keep it down.

But Jennifer Love Hewitt doesn’t seem to be a woman that stands by her words, and instead it looks as if she feels that the world of the celebrity press can dictate to her how she should live her life. Appearing in some new photoshoots in some crap that’s printed, she opened up on losing 18 pounds, bringing herself back down to the stupidly skinny way she’s supposed to be. According to magazines and a moronic public.

Speaking to the press, her personal trainer responsible for making her acceptable to the human eye once more said these words:

“With her, it’s not, ‘I want to look good in that dress’. She wanted to start moving around because she thought it would make her feel better. [Jennifer] told me, ‘They said some rude, mean things, but that’s not why I wanted to change’.”

Actually, we don’t believe that. Hecklerspray believes the reason Jennifer Love Hewitt lost the weight is because of that exact reason – because some “rude”, “mean” things were said. She felt the pressure that comes with being judged by a press and public that have only ever seen you as the size 0 commodity that you are to them, and as soon as you do something with your own body that you want to do, they jump on you.

But hey, who are we to complain? As long as she still has cracking norks.