Thanks to the writers' strike, last night's pared-down Golden Globes took the form of a news conference - like the ones appealing for the return of missing children, only bleaker.

It was the oddest Golden Globes you're ever likely to see - no stars attended, no fancy frocks were worn, results were blasted through in a matter of minutes and the traditional Golden Globes pursuit of trying to second-guess which rabbit-eyed young starlet would be fighting off the advances of Jack Nicholson by the end of the night was put on hold.

And if that wasn't harrowing enough, Atonement won a Golden Globe as well. We're all doomed.