Posts tagged as:

president

Wyclef Jean Heads Into Haitian Hiding. He Probably Hates It.

by Shawn Lindseth

The good thing about being president of Haiti is that you get to live in the presidential palace. The bad thing about being president of Haiti is that even before the earthquake, said palace was made mostly of dried mud & honey comb. That’s a bad combination if you’re the sort of person who gets [...]

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Sean Penn Gives Wyclef Jean a Verbal Slapping

by Mof Gimmers

When Wyclef Jean announced that he was running for president of Haiti, everyone laughed. Surely he wasn’t being serious! What next? Pras Michel trying to be mayor of Trumpton? But he was. Very serious. Y’see, he really cares maaaan.

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Guff About Videogames – The Let’s Hate Obama (for no reason) Edition!

by Ian Dransfield

President Obama hates videogames – we have a reason to doubt the messiah. Took a while to find one that wasn’t borne out of racism or hatred of being fair to people, but we’ve found one. Sure, it may be grasping at straws to find fault with what he’s saying, and sure it may just [...]

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Beyonce To Wail The First Thing Obama Will Hear As President

by Stuart Heritage

Tomorrow marks the first day of Barack Obama’s realisation that he can’t possibly live up to everyone’s expectations as president.

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Them Jonas Brothers Sure Do Love Barack Obama

by Stuart Heritage

Next week is undoubtedly going to be truly historic – The Jonas Brothers are playing a free concert! Squeeeeee!

We can’t breathe! Our favourite girl-haired, virgin popstars playing a concert? For free? This is totally like the best news ever! We should get there early – we want Kevin Jonas to look us right in the eye when we scream “ARRRGH! KEVINJONASILOVEYOU! ARRRGH!” at him during Lovebug!

Apparently The Jonas Brothers are playing their free concert to mark the inauguration of a man called Barack Obama, who’s like the new mayor or the world or something. But mainly – THE JONAS BROTHERS! OMG!!!

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Paris Hilton Poked Chris DeWolfe… No, Wait – That’s Facebook

by Ian Dransfield

Does Paris Hilton even have a MySpace account? Surely she’s one of those types that gets their profile banned for being far, far too whorish for the young audience of the site? It would appear Paris has special dispensation, however, as she is reportedly ‘dating’ – or whatever the kids call it these days – [...]

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Paris Hilton Makes a New Video. One That Doesn’t Involve Sex.

by Ian Dransfield

Okay, so maybe we’re just reacting to Paris Hilton’s new advert as many of our readers react to the sarcasm on these pages – by taking things at face value. But it would appear that Paris Hilton is indeed running for the presidency of the United States of America. In a video statement released to [...]

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Barack Obama is a Hybrid of Britney Spears and Paris Hilton, Apparently

by Ian Dransfield

The race for US presidency isn’t something we’re likely to cover very much on these pages – it’s too divisive even for us. Plus we’re British-based, so we’re legally not allowed an opinion. Non-partisan as hecklerspray may be though (you vote for who you actually want to vote for), we can’t help but feel something [...]

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VIDEO: Jack Nicholson Endorses Sexy Hillary Clinton

by Stuart Heritage

This could be Hillary Clinton’s last week of trying to be the next American president, so now’s the time to bring out the big guns.

Well, alright – not the big guns exactly. But at least the elderly, debauched, paunchy guns have been wheeled out. And by that we plainly mean Jack Nicholson.

Ahead of this week’s vital Ohio and Texas primaries, Jack Nicholson has put together a campaign video of him in some of his most famous roles to drum up support for Hillary Clinton. And we’re sure Jack’s pro-Hillary message will get through to the two or three people who saw it and didn’t cack themselves at the sight of the drunk-looking, growling, dishevelled jowl-monster who pops up at the end like the obese ghost of your abusive grandfather.

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