Posts tagged as:
Remember Heather Locklear? Everyone used to fancy her in the olden days didn’t they? She was the muse for many a 90s teen masturbation and, boy howdy, she was the archetypal neutron blonde.
Alas, image is always temporary and as her vanity stood firm in the face of sliding features, she looked like she was losing her mind.
And to back that up, she was taken to the hospital yesterday after a 911 call was placed from her home. Is it drugs? It’s usually drugs isn’t it?
Heather Locklear must have been thrilled when she was arrested for DUI – at least it distracted everyone from all her horrible sitcoms.
But now, possibly, Heather Locklear might just be starting to regret allegedly getting hammered on prescription medication and then parking her car in the middle of a state highway in floods of tears in September and then having a mugshot taken that makes her look a bit like a emotionally-sensitive panda being forced to watch the 2 Girls 1 Cup video.
And that’s because Heather Locklear has just been officially charged with misdemeanor driving under the influence of legally prescribed drugs. Who knew that Heather Locklear possibly had an addiction to prescription drugs? We’d have thought that her existing addictions – to making cacky TV shows and marrying idiots from crappy bands that only morons like – would have been enough for anyone.
Heidi Fleiss is notorious for many things, like getting prostitutes to bang celebrities for cash and the way she looks like one of those bird-monsters from The Dark Crystal, but now we can add drugs to the list, too.
Heidi Fleiss was arrested in Nevada yesterday for – deep breath – investigation of driving under the influence and possessing drugs without a prescription.
We don't know any details, but we think that probably means that Heidi Fleiss had some over-the-counter medicine on her, and we're guessing it was Dulco Ease. Basically we're insinuating that Heidi Fleiss' bowel is jam-packed with rock-hard impacted turds.
So it's official – an accidental overdose of sleeping pills, anti-anxiety medication, painkillers and other prescription drugs killed Heath Ledger.
The New York City medical examiner has declared that Heath Ledger died from “acute intoxication by the combined effects of oxycodone, hydrocodone, diazepam, temazepam, alprazolam and doxylamine,” in a report that's just been released.
As sad as this news is, we should focus on the positives – not only can Heath Ledger's family continue with their lives knowing that at least it wasn't suicide, but Heath Ledger looks set for pub quiz immortality by being the answer to the question "Which celebrity cause of death would get you the highest score in a game of Scrabble?"
