Premieres for big blockbusters usually take place in cinemas with names like ODEON, CINEWORLD, GRAUMAN’S or BOGNOR REGIS CINEMASCOPE but it seems that the makers of Paranormal Activity are positively itching to associate their horrifying, overdone claptrap with Channel 5′s flagship horrifying, overdone claptrap.
And, as such, the premiere of Paranormal Activity III took place in front of a star-studded audience inside the Big Brother compound proving once and for all that crossover episodes are never as realistic as you hope.
It had been expected that Channel 5 would take the opportunity of having a scary film playing in the compound to systematically murder all of the housemates and celebrities who were assembled inside and the world (100 people whose remotes were broken) watched on with bated breath, waiting for the axe-murderer to be released into the house.
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Hey nerd baskets! Get this! You’re gonna love this! You know Blade Runner? That sic-fi film you weally weally weally love? Some people are going to tinker with it. Feel free to say “is nothing sacred anymore?”
Ridley Scott’s bleak look at some typically horrible future (why are no films set in the future kinda cool?*) is about to have a whole new set of digits, prodding and poking it and fizzing with excitement about filming in 3D and ‘better’ CGI, when really, the original’s clunky effects only added to the menace of it all.
Aaaanyway, more than thirty years on, the film is about to become a franchise seeing spin-offs on television and new movies.
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Natalie Portman is lovely looking isn’t she? Even when dressed in ridiculous clothes and faced with the immensely wooden acting of Hayden Christensen in the newest Star Wars films, she still managed to look all lovely and lovelier.
Now Portman is set to look really quite lovely in the new Alien prequels which Ridley Scott has promised will be so grotesque that we might just puke all of our bones up through our faces.
Even if Natalie Portman ends up covered in alien vomit and has enormous, gaping wounds all over her body after being attacked by weird creatures, she’ll still make us all sigh like lovelorn schoolboys. Read More >>>
Do you find that Planet Of The Apes, its four movie sequels, movie remake, TV series, cartoon show and books haven’t left you satisfied?
Do you often get irritated because, even though you could literally drown in all the different versions of Planet Of The Apes that have been made over the years, nobody’s ever bothered to tell you what happened on the planet almost 2,000 years before the events of the original movie?
If you do, we have two pieces of advice for you – 1) hold onto your hat, because Fox is apparently very close to starting production on that exact Planet Of The Apes prequel, entitled Genesis: Apes, set 1,969 years before the original movie, and 2) stop wasting your life, you friendless nincompoop.
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Do you find that Planet Of The Apes, its four movie sequels, movie remake, TV series, cartoon show and books haven't left you satisfied?
Do you often get irritated because, even though you could literally drown in all the different versions of Planet Of The Apes that have been made over the years, nobody's ever bothered to tell you what happened on the planet almost 2,000 years before the events of the original movie?
If you do, we have two pieces of advice for you - 1) hold onto your hats, because Fox is apparently very close to starting production on that exact Planet Of The Apes prequel, entitled Genesis: Apes, set 1,969 years before the original movie, and 2) stop wasting your life, you friendless nincompoop.
It must have been such a relief for JK Rowling when she finished the last Harry Potter book, because it meant she could focus on what’s really important to her – which, it turns out, is Harry Potter.
Not content with the book of Harry Potter fairy tales she recently wrote, or the Harry Potter encyclopedia she’s working on now, JK Rowling has found the time to write a prequel to the Harry Potter books, set before Harry first went to Hogwarts.
However, there’s only one copy of this 800-word Harry Potter prequel and it’s going to be auctioned for charity, so hardly anyone will be able to read it. But the rest of you shouldn’t worry – give it a year and Warner Bros will have bought the rights and padded it out into a brand new nine-hour movie trilogy. In space.
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