OK, that’s it, it’s official – Mariah Carey really is stupid enough to get married to someone she’s only known for a month.

For all the reports of Mariah Carey’s marriage to her video director Nick Cannon, the lack of an official confirmation led many to believe that it was all just an elaborately cynical publicity stunt, albeit an elaborately cynical publicity stunt that nobody could really give very much of a shit about.

But we can lay all that to rest now – Mariah Carey has emailed the editor of Vogue to tell him how happy she is about being married. Nick Cannon might have emailed some people as well, but nobody cares because he isn’t famous and, besides, he doesn’t really look old enough to know how a computer works, does he?

As the rumours about Mariah Carey’s marriage to Nick Cannon first emerged, there were five common reactions from the public. These were, in order of popularity, 1) “What?” 2) “Really?” 3) “What, really!?” 4) “Really?” and 5) “What a ridiculous thing for her to do. She’d better have a brilliant prenup ready for when this falls apart by Christmas.”

You can understand their concern, because last time Mariah Carey got married it quickly dissolved into accusations of paranoia and psychological abuse and sent Mariah on a meltdown so spectacular that she even ended up starring in a film with Max Beesley, which we think is medically about as mad as you can get.

And, just as it looked like those reactions were going to vanish away without a sniff of an official retort, it seems as though the answers are finally becoming apparent. They are, a follows: 1) “Mariah Carey got married to Nick Cannon last week,” 2) “Yes, really,” 3) “Yup,” 4) “Seriously, what’s wrong with you?” and 5) “You betcha. Not even Mariah Carey is dumb enough to think that this marriage has any potential.”

After what seems like an age, Mariah Carey has opened up about her wedding to some bloke who works for Vogue and the tiny minority of her fans who can read, as Metro reports:

Friend of Mariah’s, Vogue editor Andre Leon Talley, said “she is very happy. I’ve spoken with her and she is superb. I received an email from her and she is so happy, she really sounds like someone on her honeymoon.” Mariah hasn’t taken any chances though and took all financial precautions with a prenuptial agreement. Mariah told the Mariah Carey Archives website that, “anyone who thinks we didn’t have a prenup is smoking something!”

So there we have it – prenupped to the hilt and apparently on honeymoon, it seems as though Mariah Carey is definitely married to Nick Cannon. So perhaps we should leave the happy couple to explore married life together in private now.

After all, we wouldn’t want to ruin that slow, magical realisation that they hurtled into marriage too quickly, are basically deeply incompatible with each other on every conceivable level and will have to either face a humiliating public turnaround in front of a world that considers them both to be laughing stocks or a lifetime of brooding bitter resentment towards one another, would we?

Read more:

Newlywed Mariah signs prenup – Metro